这是用户在 2024-5-27 11:22 为 https://app.immersivetranslate.com/pdf-pro/2752f74a-7566-4a95-b702-1e182cd196e2 保存的双语快照页面,由 沉浸式翻译 提供双语支持。了解如何保存?
It was impossible to ascertain whether The Guv really was dying of gangrene or merely making dark jokes about himself while drinking heavily.
'Come closer, Milton,' he ordered and I walked up to the window. Upon closer scrutiny The Guv looked terribly pale and completely drunk. It was difficult not to laugh at him in his red and yellow striped pyjamas standing on a footstool and peering through the window with a bottle of red wine in each hand. 'Milton, you've met Private Pinotage and Colonel Cabernet?' he said, holding out the wine. He winked at me and out of the side of his mouth whispered, 'I couldn't in all conscience split the platoon.'
I nodded in agreement as The Guv took a swig from Private Pinotage.
'Art Garfunkel, Milton!' he shouted unexpectedly loudly. 'You've bloody grown. Or should I say you've sprouted?' He angled Colonel Cabernet in my direction and said, Just as well, old boy. If you ask me, you were beginning to take on the appearance of a consumptive David Bowie.
I laughed loudly, but The Guv remained deadly serious.
'Between these four walls, I may have picked up a case of the pox from a large nurse in the psychiatric wing.' He pointed Private Pinotage at his nethers and said he planned to go down all guns blazing. By this stage I wasn't sure if he was referring to the nurse, death, wine, or the pox.
I also pondered a possible link between the pox and the VD plague.
When I pushed him for further details about his disease he shouted, 'No bloody comment!' and slammed the window shut.

Wednesday 17th February 2月17日星期三

15:00 Garlic, Boggo and Vern took up residence in the cop shop on account of having apparently received permission from Rambo who was fast asleep in his room with the door locked and a disturb and die sign on his door. It seemed that evicting the non-prefect matrics would be impossible. Fatty made a break for the archives while I attempted to master the googly in the cricket nets.
15:00 Garlic、Boggo 和 Vern 在警察商店居住,因为显然得到了 Rambo 的许可,Rambo 在他的房间里睡着了,门锁着,门上有一个打扰和死亡的标志。似乎不可能驱逐非省长。胖子在档案馆休息了一会儿,而我则试图掌握板球网中的粘液。
17:05 I returned to the house where a deeply impressed Albert Schweitzer was waiting for me.
17:05 我回到房子,印象深刻的Albert Schweitzer正在等我。
'Hey, John,' he said, 'Small & Freckly said you had a telephone call from a girl at ten to four.'
'Thanks,' I replied and made my way to the showers where my stuff had been neatly laid out. Albert Schweitzer marched along beside me and had much to report back on.
“谢谢,”我回答说,然后走向淋浴间,那里的东西已经摆放得整整齐齐。阿尔伯特·史怀哲(Albert Schweitzer)在我身边走来走去,有很多事情要报告。
'I've made a list of things you need to stock up on this long weekend. All the usuals - toothpaste, soap, cop shop stuff ...'
'Thanks.' As I was slipping out of my clothes Albert Schweitzer turned his back politely and double-checked the soap bar in the soap box. My clothes had barely hit the floor when he snatched them up and raced off without saying anything further. The showers were all taken but both Plaque and Near Death stepped out when I approached. I nodded my thanks to Plaque and claimed his steaming shower.
“谢谢。”当我溜出衣服时,Albert Schweitzer礼貌地转过身来,仔细检查了肥皂盒里的肥皂条。我的衣服还没掉到地上,他就一把抢过来,一言不发地跑开了。淋浴都洗完了,但当我走近时,Plaque 和 Almost Death 都走了出来。我向普拉克点了点头表示感谢,并领取了他热气腾腾的淋浴。
After a good soaking I dried off and made my way along the passage towards the house door. Out of nowhere Albert Schweitzer appeared and began walking alongside me again, talking at a furious pace.
泡了一身澡后,我擦干了身体,沿着通道向房门走去。阿尔伯特·史怀哲(Albert Schweitzer)突然出现,又开始和我并肩而行,语速狂暴。
'Just spoke to Small & Freckly,' he said. 'The girl on the telephone call didn't leave her name or a message.'
'Thanks,' I replied. “谢谢,”我回答。
'Who do you think it might be, John?' he asked eagerly.
I shrugged and closed the door, leaving my slave looking rather forlorn outside. Inside my heart was thumping at the thought that it might have been her. I allowed the towel to drop and studied my naked body in the long mirror fastened to the inside of the cupboard door. A tad more meat and muscle than before perhaps, but still not much to write home about. A shaft of sunlight slid over the chapel roof and beamed through my window like a light sabre. It was golden and warm and I loved the feel of it across my face. On the bed my khakis had been carefully laid out for dinner, but a part of me resisted putting them on.

Thursday 18th February 2月18日星期四

Never sit next to Garlic at school hymn practice. Not only is he tone deaf and sings at the volume of a shout, but he weeps during the school hymn.
The Malawian, despite being in floods of tears minutes earlier, was in sprightly form at breakfast because he is leaving this afternoon for his beloved Blantyre. Thankfully, he isn't heading to the lake which means we will be spared a series of inane stories about his windsurfer, monitor lizards and evolutionary fish with upside down faces. He did, however, invite us all to visit whenever we wanted and narrowly avoided being stabbed in the head by Rambo's fork which flew across the table and sailed millimetres over the top of Garlic's luminous left ear.
08:20 I returned to my room to brush my teeth and gather up the books that had been neatly readied on my desk. Despite having locked my door, Albert Schweitzer was inside ferreting away in my cupboard.
08:20 我回到房间刷牙,收拾桌上整齐的书。尽管我锁上了门,Albert Schweitzer还是在我的橱柜里。
'How did you get in here?' I demanded.
Schweitzer didn't wilt in the face of my threatening approach and aggressive tone. Instead he looked at me like I was a simpleton and said, 'You left the window open.'

Friday 19th February 2月19日星期五

11:15 While soaking up a rare minute of not having anything immediate to do, a tall shadow blocked out the sun and I found myself squinting up at Simon who shouted 'Catch!' and flicked a turquoise envelope in my direction. The motley gathering of sun-tanners on the house bench, consisting of JR Ewing, Barryl, Darryl (the last remaining), Meg Ryan's Son, Stutterheim, Enzo Ferrari and Shambles, demanded that I open the letter and read its contents. I immediately agreed, opened the envelope and pretended to read a note inside. My (porno) graphic reading of my imaginary letter had the idiots hoodwinked and when I said I couldn't read aloud any more because the letter was becoming too sick and sexually disturbing, I had to flee the mob and hurtle back to my room where I locked the door and windows, all the while laughing hysterically and gasping for breath. I opened the envelope again and inside was a tiny slip of silver paper on which was written:
11:15 在难得的一分钟无事可做时,一个高大的影子挡住了太阳,我发现自己眯着眼睛看着西蒙,他大喊“接住!”,朝我的方向扔了一个绿松石信封。由JR尤因、巴里尔、达里尔(最后剩下的)、梅格·瑞恩的儿子、斯塔特海姆、恩佐·法拉利和沙姆布尔斯组成的散落在屋子长凳上的晒黑者,要求我打开这封信并阅读其内容。我立刻答应了,打开信封,假装看了里面的一张纸条。我对我想象中的信的(色情)图形阅读让白痴们蒙蔽了,当我说我不能再大声朗读了,因为这封信变得太恶心和性困扰时,我不得不逃离暴徒,冲回我的房间,在那里我锁上了门窗,一直歇斯底里地大笑,喘着粗气。我再次打开信封,里面是一张小小的银纸条,上面写着:
Sarah Silver 7743031 莎拉·西尔弗(Sarah Silver)7743031
What a way to start the long weekend!

Saturday 20th February 2月20日星期六

19:00 Wombat was half pissed upon arrival at the Royal Natal Yacht Club. Not only was she embarrassingly loud and shrill but her breath reeked of whisky and she yelled 'All aboard!' at the maitre d' as we stepped into the dining room. Fair enough, the yacht club lies on the
19:00 袋熊抵达皇家纳塔尔游艇俱乐部时半生气。她不仅令人尴尬地大声和刺耳,而且她的呼吸中弥漫着威士忌的味道,当我们走进餐厅时,她对着领班大喊“全部上船!公平地说,游艇俱乐部位于

banks of the harbour, but to spend the entire evening thinking you're on a ship sailing for Southampton with the Duke of Edinburgh hosting a party on the deck below is just plain daft. When the distinguished Indian waiter with grey hair came to take our food orders, Wombat blasted him for being a slacker and ordered the man to roll up his sleeves and pump the bilges. The waiter stared at Wombat for some time before clearing his throat and recommending the prawn curry.
Wombat pointed at me and announced, 'David will have the kingklip, as will Roy his father.' She pointed at Mom and said, 'My sister will have cottage pie, and I'll have the hake and pilchards.' The waiter obviously figured out that he was dealing with a jabbering nutcase as he had by now ceased writing on his pad. Meanwhile, Mom seemed genuinely appalled at being referred to as Wombat's sister and was furiously applying make-up to her face while scowling into a small hand mirror which she held below the level of the table. Thankfully, Dad called the waiter aside, ordered a double round, and requested a few more minutes to study the menu.
Wombat excused herself after dinner and said that she needed the loo. Mom offered to accompany her but Wombat snapped back that she wasn't an invalid, snatched up her handbag and strode off angrily.
'What a lady!' quipped Dad, before belching loudly and stacking a few empty beer cans in a pyramid formation. Mom berated Dad for his poor manners and blamed his hanging around the pub with seedy characters for his lapse in standards. My father appeared unconcerned by Mom's lecture, kicked me under the table, and whispered, 'Have you seen the jugs on the bride's mother?' I shook my head. 'Bigger than Parton,' said Dad with a naughty look in his eye.
'What's that?' questioned Mom in a menacing tone.
'I just said...I beg your pardon,' replied Dad, casually pouring another Castle into his tilted glass.
Suddenly a terrible wailing noise started up on the veranda. It would be best described as a combination of an old air raid siren, screeching tyres, and the beginnings of a serious cat fight. All the diners ceased eating and craned their necks to see who could be responsible for such a shrill and bloody massacre of God Save the Queen.
Our waiter and the concerned maître d' ushered Wombat back to her seat after she had completed her hideous rendition of the British national anthem. Thankfully, nobody ordered dessert or coffee so once Mom had forged Wombat's signature on the bill we bundled my grandmother into the car before she could cause further trouble and set off for Wombat's flat via Umbilo to avoid possible roadblocks.

Sunday 21st February 2月21日星期日

17:30 I was shivering, could hardly breathe, and my tongue felt as thick as a cricket bat. I couldn't back out now, what with Mom out walking, Dad spraying his roses, and Blacky fast asleep in his basket - there would never again be such a perfect time to make the call.
17:30 我浑身发抖,几乎无法呼吸,舌头感觉像板球棒一样粗。我现在不能退缩了,妈妈出去散步,爸爸喷洒他的玫瑰花,布莱克在他的篮子里睡着了——再也不会有这么完美的时间打电话了。
'Hello, Sarah speaking.'
An explosion went off in my head and I heard myself saying, 'Hi, is that Sarah?' In hindsight this was a hugely embarrassing start since she had already identified herself.
'Um ... I think I just said I was Sarah,' she said, sounding a little peeved.
'Hi Sarah, sorry, it's John Milton here.'
There was a pause on the other end until I remembered that I hadn't revealed my surname on the night of the social.
'It's John. You know the guy at the social...' I prompted, feeling the blood rush to my face. I was in the process of making a colossal fool out of myself.
'What social?' Her question shocked me to the core. I began doubting everything, even my own sanity.
'This is Sarah Silver, right?' I asked in a high voice that sounded like it had run out of air and was now fuelled by desperation alone.
'Right,' she replied. “是的,”她回答。
Come to think of , now even her voice sounded different too.
想想 看,现在连她的声音听起来也不一样了。
'And you go to St Mary's Convent, right?'
'Right ...' she replied. I could detect a note of caution in her voice like she thought I might be some kind of heavy breathing stalker.
'And you were at the social last weekend...' I continued, praying that something would register.
'Yes, I was.' “是的,我是。”
'And I kissed you ...
'What?' she exploded. “什么?”她大声说。
'It's John,' I declared, becoming desperate. 'The guy you danced with during Purple Rain.'
The maddening silence continued and I could tell that she quite literally had no idea who I was, nor did she have the slightest memory of kissing me.
'You sent the letter, the note, with your number on it?'
There was another horrendous pause and then she said, 'Um, sorry, look I don't know what you're actually talking about so please don't phone this number again.'
The line went dead and I just sat there staring at the telephone. I am officially the most forgettable human being in the world.
I picked up the phone on its third ring.
'Hello, John speaking. “你好,约翰在说话。
'What took you so long to call?' she asked without even saying hello.
'What?' I said. 'You remember me now?'
'Of course I remember you. I was only teasing,' she said, laughing heartily at my embarrassment. The relief was intoxicating and I collapsed back onto the telephone stool, grinning stupidly.
"We had wild sex up against the hockey goalposts, right?'
Another pop of light went off in my head and I found myself standing upright. 'What?'
'You're quite a stallion, John Milton.'
'Um, Sarah,' I said, 'we didn't have ... I mean do ...'
'Whatt' she gasped. Pause. 'Oh shit,' she said. 'So you must be the other guy.'
'What other guy?' I asked in a voice that sounded desperately high and womanly.
'Never mind. Okay, now I know exactly who you are.'
I didn't know what to say. This second telephone call was turning out worse than the first one (which by most rational standards had gone extremely badly). Then I heard Sarah laughing again.
'That was another joke, wasn't it?' I said and was treated to her howling at my discomfort.
On the plus side, in the final minutes of our rather unnerving conversation she admitted to having lost her virginity at fourteen. This was offset by the revelation of her emotional breakdown at fifteen, and the relationship with her cousin at sixteen which her parents forced her to break up. (I shudder to think what the next year might bring.)
Sarah Silver is a mighty strange girl indeed and, if I'm being honest, I was disappointed when the call was over. The bright side (her possible nymphomania) was cancelled out by her unfortunate side (her controversial personality).
莎拉·西尔弗(Sarah Silver)确实是一个强大的奇怪女孩,老实说,当电话结束时,我感到很失望。光明的一面(她可能的花痴)被她不幸的一面(她有争议的性格)所抵消。
To make matters worse, Mom had returned from her walk and was listening in on the final moments of my conversation. She shat me out for chasing girls like a playboy, breaking Mermaid's heart, and neglecting my studies. She said I was growing into an unpleasant young man and that if I carried on in this fashion I was bound to be a complete failure in life and would never find a decent girlfriend. I'm not sure what provoked the tirade because I've pretty much kept to myself this weekend. Mom's verbal abuse pushed me over the edge and I slammed my bedroom door so hard that the windows vibrated. I lay down on my bed and wished that I was back in my room at school where nobody bothers me and people stay out of my way.

Monday 22nd February 2月22日星期一

Dad and I had planned to fish this morning before I headed back to school tonight. Unfortunately, the wind had already been blowing from sunrise and Frank, who has bought himself a house in Umdloti, phoned through to say the sea was on its ear. Dad took me to the Hypermarket by the sea instead so that I could stock up on the various items on Albert Schweitzer's shopping list. On the way there he told me to take it easy on Mom because she's having a tough time with Wombat.
爸爸和我本来打算今天早上去钓鱼,然后今晚回学校。不幸的是,日出时分,风已经吹来了,弗兰克在乌姆德洛蒂给自己买了房子,他打电话说大海就在耳边。爸爸带我去了海边的大卖场,这样我就可以囤积阿尔伯特·史怀哲(Albert Schweitzer)购物清单上的各种商品。在去那里的路上,他告诉我要对妈妈放轻松,因为她和袋熊相处得很艰难。
'I'm not the one doing all the shouting,' I replied, still seething about last night. Dad nodded and changed the subject.



Quit smoking and has commenced
serious rugby training for the
approaching season.

关于莎拉·西尔弗(Sarah Silver)的事情大多停了下来。
Has mostly stopped
about Sarah Silver.

Acquired Madonna's book Sex which
he claims is illegal in South Africa
and contains pictures of Madonna
having an orgy. We were only allowed
to see the cover from a distance of
fifteen feet before he locked it away
in his room.

Spent the weekend at the house of
his new girlfriend Lisa in Johannes-

Refused to emerge from his room
and wouldn't say what he did this

Spent all his time with Penny and
Brenda. He reckons Brenda is
becoming a pest and refuses to leave
the lovebirds alone for more than
five minutes. The only problem is
that Penny doesn't seem to mind.

在错过了回家的航班后,他度过了一个糟糕的周末,不得不在比勒陀利亚与他 81 岁的祖父共度三天。大蒜爷爷显然不经常洗澡,拥有11只非洲灰鹦鹉。
Had a terrible weekend after missing
his flight home and having to spend
three days with his 81 year old
grandfather in Pretoria. Grandfather
Garlic apparently doesn't bath very
often and owns eleven African Grey

Tuesday 23rd February 2月23日星期二

The Guv was seated comfortably at his desk and his attention was entirely focused on a dirty old book with a faded green cover. The English class quietly made their way to their desks and unpacked their books while he continued to read in a rapt and studious fashion. After we were settled he slowly raised his head, looked up to the ceiling and in a low groaning voice uttered, 'I have of late - but wherefore I know not - lost all my mirth.' His

eyes fell upon Rambo and his expression hardened as he continued, 'Forgone all custom of exercise; and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory.'
There was something tragic about The Guv's quotation from Hamlet. A silence fell across the classroom. Even Rambo was staring at him, expectant.
Then Garlic charged in, pink-faced and desperate. He had just begun a shouted apology for his lateness when he tripped over Boggo's outstretched legs and flew head first across the floor.
'God almighty,' whispered The Guv as he glared intently at the fallen Malawian.
'Sorry I'm a bit late, sir,' said Garlic dusting himself off.
'It's a long walk from Nyasaland, Garlic,' noted our English teacher.
'No, sir,' replied Garlic as he limped over to his vacant desk and collapsed into his chair with a grunt. 'I just had to see Mrs Wilson.'
'I know the feeling,' replied The Guv.
'She put me through five different tests and then the computer told her what my career options were.'
'And?' enquired Rambo swivelling in his seat.
'Forestry or the clergy,' Garlic declared to a cacophony of laughter.
'May God help himself and our forests,' muttered The Guv before ordering silence. After a suitable pause he informed us that he was dying of syphilis and if he should expire during English then his orders were for his body to be cremated and his ashes to be eaten by Fatty.
Fatty didn't seem to think this would be much of a problem.
Not sure what it is with The Guv since he's come back, but he's certainly not his normal sprightly self.
17:00 During a lengthy shower after cricket practice I debated Spike on capital punishment. Unsurprisingly, considering the boy's psychopathic older brother, Spike has deeply controversial politics and possible neo-Nazi tendencies. He didn't even bother arguing his case for capital punishment at all and merely spent most of the time suggesting new and innovative ways of torturing and killing people. Surely not even the National Party would dream up the idea of lawnmowing someone to death?
17:00 在板球练习后的长时间淋浴中,我与斯派克就死刑进行了辩论。不出所料,考虑到这个男孩的精神病哥哥,斯派克在政治上有着深刻的争议和可能的新纳粹倾向。他甚至根本懒得为死刑辩护,只是把大部分时间花在提出新的和创新的折磨和杀人方法上。当然,即使是国民党也不会想到割草致死的想法吗?
Back in my room everything has been changed around again. My bed is now behind the door and my desk has been placed under the window. Shelves of uniforms are now shelves of books and, senselessly, every single poster has been taken down and pinned up elsewhere.
This time I lost my temper and marched around the house screaming for my slave clad in nothing but my towel. Turns out he was at choir practice so I had to return to my room in a foul mood where I briefly considered the sublime pleasure of slowly lawnmowing Albert Schweitzer to death.
21:00 Just issued Schweitzer with a stern ticking off outside the phone room where he was awaiting a call from his mother. I told him that if he ever senselessly moves my room around again I'll fill him with Easygas and blow him up by inserting a flame thrower up his rectum (another one of Spike's sadistic ideas, which I now realise are coming in helpful).
21:00 刚向施韦策发出严厉的声音,在电话室外,他正在等待母亲的电话。我告诉他,如果他再毫无意义地移动我的房间,我会给他装满 Easygas,然后在他的直肠上插入火焰喷射器来炸毁他(斯派克的另一个虐待狂想法,我现在意识到这是有帮助的)。

Wednesday 24th February 2月24日星期三

I have just completed a series of intense aptitude tests with Eve in her office. It is without doubt the most horny I have been all year and possibly ever. Not even hearing the news that I am best suited to being a teacher or

researcher lessened the fact that it was a profound and memorable hour spent with my former housemaster's wife.


RAMBO politician or lawyer 政治家或律师
GARLIC forestry or clergy 林业或神职人员
SIMON sportsman or psychiatrist
SPUD teacher or researcher 教师或研究人员
FATTY food critic or children's entertainer
VERN animal trainer or creative artist
BOGGO sales executive or porn star
If the complaints in the cop shop after prep were anything to go by then very few of the Crazy Eight were altogether impressed with the results of their session with Eve. Nobody believed Boggo that Eve's computer would have spat out porn star as a career in the first place. Not unless there was a sudden demand in the sex industry for pale long-legged acne sufferers. Rambo was bragging about the fact that he had outwitted Eve and her computer by deciding beforehand what career he wanted before answering all the questions accordingly. Fatty was extremely happy about being a food critic but less so about being a children's entertainer. Boggo, after issuing an extremely long machine gun laugh, reckoned that the computer had obviously picked up on Fatty's anorexia-paedophilia and spat out children's entertainer.
如果说准备工作后警察店里的抱怨是可以接受的,那么疯狂八人中很少有人对他们与伊芙的会议结果印象深刻。没有人相信 Boggo 一开始就会把色情明星当成职业。除非性行业突然对苍白的长腿痤疮患者有需求。兰博吹嘘说,在回答所有问题之前,他事先决定了他想要的职业,从而智取了夏娃和她的电脑。Fat 非常高兴成为一名美食评论家,但对成为一名儿童艺人却不那么高兴。博戈在发出了一声极长的机关枪笑声后,认为电脑显然已经发现了胖子的厌食恋童癖,并吐出了儿童艺人。
I must admit that I was rather jealous of Vern being labelled a possible creative artist. Clearly the computer takes a rather dim view of creative people because it understands creativity and insanity as being one and the same. Garlic's unlucky form continued when Fatty knocked over his tea and broke his I Lake Malawi
我必须承认,我相当嫉妒 Vern 被贴上可能的创意艺术家的标签。显然,计算机对有创造力的人持相当模糊的看法,因为它将创造力和精神错乱理解为一回事。大蒜的倒霉状态继续,当胖子打翻了他的茶并打破了他的马拉维湖时

mug. Later he complained of a migraine and thanks to Boggo being the only person this side of the sanatorium with a supply of painkillers he had to pay a rather extortionist three rand per tablet.

Thursday 25th February 2月25日星期四

The following letter arrived in the post:

Dear John (Ha Ha.)

Okay so I promise that this will be a serious letter without a single joke. Not. (Ha Ha.) Okay so the truth is I have this like weird disease which turns me into an idiot on the phone. I don't know if it's nervousness or brain freeze or whether it's something that I inherited from my parents (which is possible). Shame poor me. (Ha Ha.)
I didn't know your surname was Milton. Did you know there was this old English writer called John Milton who wrote a poem for our Std 8 poetry book? That's so hilarious! (Ha Ha.) Your Mom and Dad must have a real sense of humour!
我不知道你姓弥尔顿。你知道有一位叫约翰·弥尔顿的老英国作家为我们的 Std 8 诗集写了一首诗吗?太搞笑了!(哈哈。你的爸爸妈妈一定很有幽默感!
I was wondering (a little) if you were coming to the Arcade party next Saturday night in PMB? Anyway my friends and I are going and it would be great to see you there???? Also one of my friends (Loren) is totally in love with that hot guy Rambo. I think his name is Robert. Is he single? Could you bring him along next weekend? No pressure! (
我想知道(有点)你是否会在下周六晚上参加 PMB 的街机派对?无论如何,我和我的朋友都要去,很高兴在那里见到你????我的一个朋友(罗兰)也完全爱上了那个帅哥兰博。我想他的名字叫罗伯特。他是单身吗?下周末你能带他一起去吗?没有压力!
Also there was that really weird and creepy guy who was dancing behind you with his hands in his pockets for most of the evening. Is he your friend? Does he go to your school? What's wrong with him?
I have so much homework to do (Yuk!!) but Mrs O'Reilly will kill me if I don't finish it by tomorrow. (She's my maths teacher and I hate her.)
Okay so I hope you write back and I'll see you next weekend at the Arcade.
Love Sarah Silver 爱莎拉·西尔弗
PS Why do they call you Spud? (Potato?)
PS 为什么他们叫你 Spud?(土豆?
Reasons for persisting with Sarah Silver:
  • She's good looking 她长得好看
  • She's an excellent kisser
  • She jumped her cousin (possible nympho)
Reasons for dumping Sarah Silver:
  • Her personality seems a little dire
  • Her jokes aren't funny
  • She's odd 她很奇怪
  • She writes (Ha Ha!) frequently in her letters which is terribly lame even for Std 8 level
    她经常在她的信中写信(哈哈!),即使对于 Std 8 级别来说,这也很蹩脚
  • My heart beats normally when I think about her
  • She committed incest 她犯了罪
It would seem on this evidence that I have to dump Sarah Silver. Since there is no way in hell that I am ever going to phone her again it will either have to be via letter or via ignore-ance. Letter or the latter? I think the latter.

Friday 26th February 2月26日星期五

14:15 There was considerable excitement in the house when Vern took a hostage and barricaded his bed against the door of his room, making it impossible to break in or out. Initially, it wasn't clear who the hostage was, but shrill shrieking and high-pitched crying led the crowd of onlookers outside Vern's room to believe that the unfortunate boy was Plaque. According to Plump Graham, who overheard the altercation, Vern issued Plaque a yellow slip for loitering in the bogs and surrounds. Foolishly, the first year seemed under the impression that the yellow slip was meaningless and threw it in the bin outside the common room.
14:15 當弗恩劫持了一場人質,並將他的床靠在房間的門上,使人無法進出時,屋子裡非常興奮。最初,尚不清楚人质是谁,但尖锐的尖叫声和尖锐的哭泣声让弗恩房间外的围观人群相信这个不幸的男孩就是普拉克。根据无意中听到争吵的丰满格雷厄姆的说法,弗恩向普拉克发放了一张黄色的纸条,让他在沼泽和周围徘徊。愚蠢的是,第一年似乎以为黄色的纸条毫无意义,把它扔进了公共休息室外的垃圾桶。
Vern, who had been trailing Plaque at a discreet distance, promptly shouted 'Stop thief!' and wrestled the first year to the ground. Once subdued, Rain Man dragged him into his room and battened down the hatches. That was over half an hour ago and despite all the wailing and hysteria, Plaque is still being held captive in the room under the stairs.
Viking was livid when he heard about the hostage crisis. He strode into the house in a menacing mood, scattering the crowd that had gathered, and thumped on Vern's door.
'Blackadder!' he cried. 'If you sodomise that boy I'll bloody sodomise you!' He noticed that we were all staring at him and added, 'Not literally, obviously.'
Viking drove his heel into the door with an enormous crash but it remained intact. There was the sound of more hideous and chilling shrieking from inside which might have been Plaque but was most probably Vern.
'Right!' cried Viking. 'That's it. I'm calling in the maintenance department.
He made it sound like he was calling in the Terminator but it turned out to be only a sickly Rogers Halibut carrying a small toolbox. Under the close inspection of Viking, Rambo, Simon, Boggo, Garlic and me, the maintenance man slowly unscrewed the hinges on Vern's door. After the hinges were dealt with, Viking issued an extremely resonant countdown from ten which served no purpose other than to alert Vern to the fact that we were coming in.
Rambo and Simon heaved the door back and a ghostly Plaque tore out and didn't stop running untll he reached his dormitory. Vern, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen which, considering the dimensions of his room, was an excellent achievement.
兰博和西蒙推开门,一块幽灵般的牌匾被撕了出来,他没有停止奔跑,直到他回到了自己的宿舍。另一方面,Vern 无处可寻,考虑到他房间的大小,这是一项了不起的成就。
Boggo triumphantly threw open the cupboard but aside from an abnormally high pile of khaki shorts the space was vacant. Unfortunately for Vern, the only other possible hiding place was beneath the wooden slats under the mattress and that's exactly where we found him playing dead. Having slept next to the idiot for most of my teenage years, I can tell the subtle difference between Vern pretending to be sleeping/unconscious and Vern pretending to be dead. On this occasion he was quite obviously playing dead, a performance that he only brings out when, in his estimation, he has blundered badly. The tell-tale tongue sticking out of the corner of the mouth was in evidence after Vern was dragged from the bowels of his bed and laid out on the floor of the passage.
博戈得意洋洋地打开了橱柜,但除了一堆异常高的卡其色短裤外,这个空间是空的。不幸的是,对于Vern来说,唯一可能的藏身之处是床垫下的木板条下面,而这正是我们发现他装死的地方。在我十几岁的时候,我大部分时间都睡在白痴旁边,我可以分辨出 Vern 假装睡觉/失去知觉和 Vern 假装死了之间的微妙区别。这一次,他显然是在装死,在他看来,只有当他犯了严重的错误时,他才会表现出这种表现。从嘴角伸出的舌头在Vern被从床上拖出来并躺在通道的地板上后得到了证明。
'What's he playing at?' shouted Viking after noticing the 'dead' Vern breathing heavily at the stomach.
'He's dead, sir,' said Boggo with a broad grin after thoroughly exploring the pockets of Vern's running shorts.
'Dead?' cried Viking indignantly. 'What do you mean he's dead, Greenstein?'
'Nothing serious, sir,' replied Boggo. 'He's died quite a few times before.'
'Sir, he died last week at cricket practice after dropping a catch,' added Garlic, his soulful blue eyes filled with concern.
'He dies all the time,' agreed Boggo, calmly pocketing a tube of Vern's toothpaste.
'Milton!' barked Viking. 'Have you ever seen Blackadder die before?
'Yes, sir,'I ladmitted. “是的,先生,”我承认了。
'But he's feigning death. I mean, clearly the boy is breathing,' barked our housemaster while examining Vern at close quarters. He began prodding and kicking Vern's limp body with the toe of his shoe. His plan B was

to fill a glass of water which he hurled in Vern's face. Other than a loud shout of 'Ol', Vern didn't return to life.
'See what I mean, sir,' said Boggo. 'Once Vern decides to die it's not easy bringing him back to life.'
'This is preposterous!' boomed Viking, raising his hands to the heavens. He ordered the prefects and Boggo to deal with the matter and for Vern to see him in his office once he was alive again.
After lengthy debate, Vern's body was taken to the san and after a thorough check-up by Sister Collins, his corpse was deemed to be in rude health and as such he was given a private ward in the sanatorium.

Saturday 27th February 2月27日星期六

Took three wickets and scored 23 runs for the firsts today. Unfortunately, we were playing at Waterfall whose team The Guv quite rightly said were about as threatening as a bowl of cornflakes. Simon scored 104 not out and Rambo took three wickets in a single over. It's excellent to have The Guv back as coach. I'm convinced that I always reserve my best cricket for when he's watching. Perhaps it's just that he is the only master who's had any faith in my bowling. Good news, too, is that he didn't once mention his death by gangrene or syphilis except with reference to wilfully passing the disease on to the aggressive blonde lady who repeatedly barked threatening instructions to Waterfall in a strident voice from the stands.
拿下了三个三柱门,今天第一次打进了 23 分。不幸的是,我们在瀑布球场打球,他们的球队 The Guv 非常正确地说,他们就像一碗玉米片一样具有威胁性。西蒙打出104分,兰博单杆打进3球。让 The Guv 回来担任教练真是太好了。我深信,我总是把我最好的板球留到他看的时候。也许只是他是唯一一个对我的保龄球有信心的大师。好消息是,他一次也没有提到自己死于坏疽或梅毒,除了提到故意将疾病传染给这位咄咄逼人的金发女士,她反复在看台上用尖锐的声音向瀑布发出威胁性的指令。

Sunday 28th February 2月28日星期日

Rambo put his foot down at the prefects' meeting with Viking and demanded an explanation as to the whereabouts of Missing Eggwhite. Bizarrely, it seems that our housemaster was under the impression that Missing Eggwhite had returned to school some weeks

ago and was fulfilling his duties.
'Have you actually seen him, sir?' asked Simon. Viking was astonished by our lack of faith in Missing Eggwhite's presence and claimed to have had a telephonic meeting with him about his lack of academic progress on Friday morning. I duly informed our housemaster that personally I haven't once laid eyes on him this entire year and as far as I was concerned he hasn't completed a single prefect's duty. This puzzled Viking greatly and he scratched away at his beard with some savagery.
'So let me get this straight, Milton,' he said finally. ‘I have a living boy lying dead in the sanatorium and now you're telling me that one of my prefects is a spook?'
After more scratching, he asked, 'Who is Eggwhite's slave?
'Near Death,' replied Simon.
'Right!' he roared. 'Send in Near Death.'
I ordered Runt, who was eavesdropping in the cloister outside Viking's office, to summon the boy immediately.
While we waited Viking asked if there had been any repercussions of the Plaque hostage crisis. Rambo said that he had spoken to Plaque who had wisely decided not to tell his parents and was seen to be behaving fairly normally yesterday.
'Good work, Black,' intoned Viking. 'It looks like we may have dodged a bullet there. But just in case, I'm placing young Plaque on suicide watch.' He looked at us despairingly. 'It is a heavy burden we bear, gentlemen.'
There was a timid knock.
'Come!' roared Viking and the door slowly opened. Near Death appeared ghostly white and terrified as he shuffled forward with stiff legs like Blacky on the verge of a compulsory bath.
'Ah, Near Death,' announced Viking, 'we would like to ask you a few questions about your prefect Eggwhite, er ... Greg Whitton.' Near Death stumbled back a pace and nodded weakly.
'Firstly, is he at school?' asked Viking.
'Well?' coaxed Viking after receiving no response. 'Is Eggwhite at school or not?' Near Death nodded uncertainly before squeaking out, 'Sir, I make his bed every day, sir.'
'You see, gentlemen,' reasoned Viking, smacking his hands together. 'Normal service has resumed. I think your concerns about Eggwhite are unfounded, although I'll be the first to admit that he has been slouching off on his prefect's duties lately.'
Swayed by Near Death's limited explanation, Viking abruptly closed the meeting.
By 17:05 there was no sign of Missing Eggwhite so Fatty called the roll. For once I agree with Rambo: this school is an absolute farce.

Monday 1st March 3月1日星期一

15:00 Back in Viking's office for yet another urgent meeting. Simon informed our housemaster that Missing Eggwhite had typically missed his duties yesterday, but Viking pretended not to hear him and brought up the late Vern Blackadder instead. It looks like Vern's death is becoming serious. He reckons the san sister is at the end of her tether with Vern and he's taking up valuable space in the sanatorium that could be used by a sudden deluge of autumnal flu sufferers. Despite being deceased, Vern is reportedly eating three hearty meals a day and was bust wanking by Sister Collins when she brought in his breakfast on Saturday morning.
15:00 回到维京的办公室,参加另一场紧急会议。西蒙告诉我们的管家,失踪的蛋清昨天通常缺勤,但维京假装没有听到他的话,而是提起了已故的弗恩·布莱克阿德。看起来 Vern 的死越来越严重了。他估计桑姐姐已经走到了与弗恩的尽头,他正在疗养院占用宝贵的空间,这些空间可能会被突然涌入的秋季流感患者使用。尽管已经去世,但据报道,弗恩每天吃三顿丰盛的饭菜,周六早上柯林斯修女送来早餐时,她被她吓坏了。
'The situation is absurd!' roared Viking and thumped his fist into his desk. 'If he doesn't resurrect himself I'm going to have to advise the headmaster to have his body removed from the school.'
The Crazy Eight agreed to meet at the san at 17:00 in a last minute bid to save Vern's life and school career. It would seem that the powers that be are finally running out of patience with their resident nutcase.
疯狂八人组同意在 17:00 在桑会面,以挽救 Vern 的生命和学校生涯。看来,当权者终于对他们常驻的疯子失去了耐心。


Until she bust him pulling his wire on Saturday morning, Sister Collins was fairly sympathetic to Vern's kicking the bucket, but since then she, too, has lost patience with the cretin. She waved her finger at us sarcastically and declared this to be his last day in the san. We filed through the sanatorium to the large room at the end of the passage where we found Vern reading in bed. When the fool noticed our arrival he flung down his comic, closed his eyes and stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth.
'Vern,' I said with much gravity, 'if you don't come back to life they're going to kick you out of the school.' There was no response from the corpse other than a short and furious rub of the nose. 'Okay, Vern,' I told him in a calm voice, 'Fatty is going to conduct a spiritual ritual to bring you back to life.'
Rain Man nodded to let me know that he understood that some sort of process was under way.
Fatty stepped forward solemnly and began ten minutes of Red Indian chanting and sporadic movements with his hands hidden in black leather motorcycle gloves. Vern was avidly watching Fatty's performance out of the corner of his left eye but still refused to snap out of it

even when Fatty built up to his final crescendo of "Vern arise, stand up, live and let live!'
即使当 Fat 在他最后的高潮中“Vern 起来,站起来,活着,让活着!
Outside in the corridor a vociferous yet whispered Crazy Eight argument yielded two further possibilities of reviving Vern. Rambo's plan was straight out of the Mad Dog manual. His idea was to inform Rain Man that since he was dead we had a moral duty to remove all his limbs and organs and donate them to the gutless. He seized a bread knife from the sanatorium kitchen and began sharpening it menacingly against the metal doorframe. Boggo's idea was even more ridiculous. It centred on treating Vern with fictitious electric shock treatment which, as it transpired, involved no electricity whatsoever. Boggo assured us that his technique had worked last year when Vern died suddenly in the librarian's office after it was discovered that he was in the possession of a library book 21 months overdue. We agreed to try out Boggo's approach first before calling in Rambo to begin harvesting Vern's organs.
在外面的走廊里,一阵喧闹而又低声的疯狂八号争吵产生了复活弗恩的另外两种可能性。兰博的计划直接出自《疯狗》手册。他的想法是告诉雨人,既然他已经死了,我们就有道德义务摘除他所有的四肢和器官,并将它们捐献给无内脏的人。他从疗养院的厨房里拿出一把面包刀,开始用威胁性地在金属门框上磨刀。博戈的想法更荒谬。它的核心是用虚构的电击治疗来治疗 Vern,事实证明,这种治疗不涉及任何电力。博戈向我们保证,他的技术在去年奏效了,当时弗恩在图书馆员的办公室里突然去世,因为他被发现拥有一本逾期 21 个月的图书馆书。我们同意先尝试博戈的方法,然后再叫兰博开始摘取弗恩的器官。
From the sanatorium kitchen Boggo pilfered oven gloves, from the doctor's surgery he brought a drip stand and a cord, and from the waiting room the plug from the infra-red lamp. Vern was clearly watching every single one of Boggo's movements as he tied the cord to the oven gloves and ran it over the drip stand towards the plug point on the far wall. Regrettably, there was a snag when we discovered the cord was too short to reach the wall socket and Sister Collins refused Boggo's request for an extension cord. To be honest, the fact that the entire apparatus was a ruse consisting of a loose cord, a plug and some oven gloves meant that electricity wasn't really needed at all, although Boggo was adamant that Vern wouldn't revive unless it was plugged in. After some discussion it was agreed that Fatty could create the fictitious electrical charge by placing the plug in
从疗养院的厨房里,博戈偷走了烤箱手套,从医生的手术室里,他带来了一个滴水架和一根绳子,从候诊室里拿来了红外线灯的插头。Vern 清楚地注视着 Boggo 的每一个动作,他将绳子绑在烤箱手套上,然后穿过滴水架,朝远处墙上的插头点走去。遗憾的是,当我们发现电源线太短而无法到达墙壁插座时,出现了一个障碍,柯林斯修女拒绝了博戈的延长线请求。老实说,整个设备都是一个由一根松动的电线、一个插头和一些烤箱手套组成的诡计,这意味着根本不需要电力,尽管 Boggo 坚持认为 Vern 除非插上电源,否则它不会复活。经过一番讨论,大家一致认为 Fat 可以通过插入插头来产生虚构的电荷

his underpants and pretending to let rip. Eventually, all was in readiness and Boggo shouted 'Clear!' before dramatically slamming the oven gloves onto Vern's chest and calling for Fatty to pump out a megawatt of electricity. Garlic was so overcome with laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation that he had to chew on the curtains to contain himself. Fatty made a stupid buzzing sound and Boggo shouted, 'I've got the power!' He too began making a weird buzzing sound, but within seconds Vern was sitting bolt upright in bed grinning at us.
'He's alive! screamed Garlic.
We all roared in mock amazement at Vern's resurrection and Rain Man cheered along with us. He then hopped out of bed, dressed rapidly in his khakis, and followed us to dinner. After the meal we led him back to his now door-less room where he happily counted out a jar of copper coins before discussing something with his tea mug.

Tuesday 2nd March 3月2日星期二

Rumours have spread about Boggo's unexpected revival of Vern. The Holy Greenstein continued with his miracles in the common room when he cured Plump Graham's stomach ache by wrapping the boy's entire body in the morning newspaper for ten minutes. To cap off an excellent day by the self-styled matric messiah, he also exactly predicted the maximum temperature for Durban tomorrow: 29 degrees. Garlic was amazed by Boggo's predictions and healings and demanded to know when he might finally lose his virginity. After some meditation Boggo informed the deflated Garlic that it was impossible for even him to predict events that would take place over thirty years down the road.

Friday 5th March 3月5日星期五

Another letter from Sarah Silver:
莎拉·西尔弗(Sarah Silver)的另一封信:
Dear John (Ha ha sorry that gets me every time!)
Okay I didn't get a response from you and I sent my last letter nearly two weeks ago and I would have expected you to respond in this time unless you have and it got lost in the post or you sent it to the wrong address or perhaps you didn't get my original letter because it went to the wrong school or something anyway I have had this sort of problem with boys before so I was just checking to see that you weren't just being a pig and not returning my letters. Anyway we'll be at the Arcade party in PMB on Saturday night so if you aren't there or if you don't phone me by the time I leave tomorrow then I'm going to take your silence to mean that our relationship is over.
I miss you John Milton.
Sarah Silver 莎拉·西尔弗
When I don't arrive at the Arcade party tomorrow night she'll hopefully kiss some other poor sod and stop sending me demanding and disturbing letters.
18:00 An ugly fight broke out at the hot chocolate machine in the dining hall between two seniors from Barnes House. A tall stringy third year called Dobie's Itch kicked the machine because it kept filling up his cup with hot water instead of hot chocolate. A stocky matric with a big chest and spiky hair called Ice Tray took exception to this and punched Dobie's Itch in the face, causing a near riot. Thankfully, it was the Larson House duty week so they had to sort out the chaos. Rambo says Ice Tray will probably be the first team loose head prop this season. What with him and Rambo in the forward pack there should be no shortage of menacing aggression and severe injuries for the opposition.
18:00 巴恩斯之家的两名老年人在食堂的热巧克力机上爆发了一场丑陋的战斗。一个名叫Dobie's Itch的高大三年级学生踢了机器,因为它一直在用热水而不是热巧克力装满他的杯子。一个身材魁梧、胸脯粗壮、头发尖尖的家伙,名叫冰盘,对此不以为然,一拳打在了多比的脸上,引发了一场近乎骚乱的骚乱。值得庆幸的是,这是拉尔森之家的值班周,所以他们必须解决混乱。兰博说,冰盘可能是本赛季第一个松散的头球道具。有他和兰博在前锋包里,对手应该不乏威胁性的侵略性和严重的伤病。

Saturday 6th March 3月6日星期六

Excellent news is that after a dodgy start to the season, the 1 st cricket team is gaining some momentum at last. With Simon scoring yet another century in the morning, St Nicholas collapsed to 77 all out in the early afternoon, with Stinky taking six wickets with his steady in-swingers. I can't help feeling that our side has always taken the long route to glory, even in the early days of U14 when we relied on the fiery pace and insanely long run-up of Mad Dog to scare opposition batsmen out. It's also fairly obvious that when Simon makes runs we seem invincible, and when he doesn't the rest of us melt like chocolate firemen. Next week is the big showdown at King's College with two unbeaten sides duelling to the death and if Simon continues his excellent form we must have a serious chance of causing an upset. The Guv set the tone for the crunch game next Saturday by barging into the change room after the match and bellowing, 'Now that was a game of cricket!' He banged the point of his shooting stick into the concrete floor and said, 'A performance on that level next week and we'll treat ourselves to a night in a brothel.' Before leaving, The Guv shook Simon's hand and admitted that for once he was lost for words and superlatives to describe his innings. He left with a great smile on his face and a stern reminder not to leave any floaters in the toilets.
Besides taking a simple catch, I had very little to do with today's victory and yet just being part of the team that has done well was enough to make me feel like I had scored the century myself. Usually I feel insecure when I have a bad or anonymous day on the cricket field but today I felt jubilant.
21:00 Boggo has cashed in on his status as the house guru and Nostradamus. He charged a number of eager
21:00 博戈已经兑现了他作为房子大师和诺查丹玛斯的地位。他嘱咐了几位热心的

juniors to hear his 'Pontifications from the Piss Trough' which was a brief yet graphic lecture on seduction delivered from the step of the urinal.

Sunday 7th March 3月7日星期日

Fierce banging on my door revealed the excited face of Fatty.
'I suppose you heard the news about the matric dance?' he panted.
'What about it?' I replied with sudden tension in my voice.
'It's been brought forward this year to avoid clashing with trials and finals.'
'How far forward?' I asked, my mouth suddenly dry and tasting of acid.
'June,' replied Fatty. 'And it's not happening at school like normal but at the Capitol Towers hotel in Maritzburg.
If I had known that the matric dance was just three months away I might have persisted with Sarah Silver. However, after not replying to her letters and skipping the Arcade party last night, my goose must be well and truly cooked. It took considerable effort to drive the matric dance fear out of my mind and although I eventually succeeded my hands trembled for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

Monday 8th March 3月8日星期一

Double Afrikaans: Mongrel made us watch a disturbing documentary about shark attack victims which had been badly dubbed into Afrikaans. Thereafter he listed six ways to kill a great white shark should you ever find yourself attacked while surfing or swimming. One doubts whether strangling a great white with the leash
双重南非荷兰语:Mongrel 让我们观看了一部关于鲨鱼袭击受害者的令人不安的纪录片,这部纪录片被糟糕地配音成南非荷兰语。此后,他列出了六种杀死大白鲨的方法,如果你在冲浪或游泳时发现自己受到攻击。有人怀疑是否用皮带勒死了一只大白鲨

of your surfboard, or plunging your snorkel up its anus would achieve much other than to rile up a two ton psychopath with big teeth and a short temper. Mongrel didn't think much of our sniggering and by way of revenge has banned English from being spoken in his classroom for the rest of the year. With people like Mongrel teaching the nation's youth, I'm not surprised that South Africa is such a violent country.
Another one! (Sent by Fastmail)
Dear John (Okay not so funny any more)
I know you weren't at the Arcade party because I looked for you everywhere and obviously you weren't there despite all my efforts to get in touch. I can handle rejection, but I can't handle being ignored by someone who should count themselves lucky that I was with them in the first place. I hope you're feeling guilty because you have screwed me up so much that I can't go to school any more and everyone is thinking I'm a freak because I found a picture of you in your school magazine from last year when you were dressed in a tutu and playing a girl in the school play. I stabbed your eyes out with a pencil and set fire to the magazine in the library which got me in some more shit with Mrs Lambson. (I hate her guts just like I hate yours!)
I kissed two boys on Saturday because I wanted you to feel jealous but they didn't mean anything to me like you do. You are different because you are beautiful and evil.
Sarah Silver 莎拉·西尔弗
Reasons for feeling disturbed:
  1. It was sent by Fastmail.
  2. I'm starting to feel like Michael Douglas does in most of his movies.
    我开始觉得迈克尔·道格拉斯(Michael Douglas)在他的大多数电影中都是这样做的。
  3. SS is clearly a psychopath.
  4. The final two lines appear to be written either in red ink or blood.
  5. Her admission of stabbing my eyes out with a pencil.
  6. I love you forever???????
  7. Not a single (Ha Ha). Things are becoming serious.
I decided to bite the bullet and call a Crazy Eight crisis meeting at 21:00. To curry favour and improve the general mood, I splashed out at the tuck shop, buying tea, bread, butter and cheese as cop shop provisions are as per usual dismally low. Simon has also been complaining about non-prefects repeatedly using the prefects' chow and facilities. Further aggravating the situation is that Garlic ruined the toaster after electrocuting himself while attempting to fish a half slice of toast out of the appliance with a metal fork.
我决定咬紧牙关,在 21:00 召开 Crazy Eight 危机会议。为了讨好和改善整体情绪,我在小卖部大肆挥霍,买了茶、面包、黄油和奶酪,因为警察商店的供应像往常一样低得令人沮丧。西蒙也一直在抱怨非省长反复使用省长的食物和设施。使情况更加恶化的是,大蒜在试图用金属叉子从设备中捞出半片吐司时触电身亡后毁坏了烤面包机。
21:00 There was widespread mockery when I alerted the gathered crowd to the fact that I had a stalker. It wasn't until Boggo read yesterday's letter that the atmosphere changed and snide comments turned to astonished interest. Even Rambo studied the letters closely and Fatty ran his tongue over where Sarah Silver had inscribed her name in red and vouched that it was definitely human blood.
21:00 当我提醒聚集的人群我有一个跟踪者时,人们普遍嘲笑。直到博戈读了昨天的信,气氛才发生了变化,冷嘲热讽的评论变成了惊讶的兴趣。就连兰博也仔细研究了这些字母,胖子用舌头舔了舔莎拉·西尔弗用红色刻上她名字的地方,并保证这绝对是人类的血液。

Crazy Eight Advice 疯狂的八条建议

SIMON says I should continue to ignore her and if her letters and general stalking continue then I should alert The Glock and the police.
RAMBO is so interested in Sarah Silver that he has offered to take her off my hands. This may sound radical but it certainly makes for a neat solution.
FATTY called Sarah Silver demonic and feels that she may need a spiritual intervention. He reckoned her initials SS (Satan's Sister) were proof of supernatural evil.
BOGGO reckons there is no point in being stalked unless you get some primitive sex out of the bargain. His advice is to write her an apology letter and pretend to have been seriously ill in the san for the last three weeks. I should then invite her to watch me play cricket after which I should give her 'a hot beef injection' behind the scoreboard.
GARLIC: 'Invite her to Lake Malawi to test her out!' VERN was livid with Sarah Silver's letters and tried to throw them into the fire. If it wasn't for Boggo's dramatic intervention my evidence for a possible police investigation could have been destroyed.
大蒜:“邀请她去马拉维湖测试一下!VERN对莎拉·西尔弗(Sarah Silver)的信很生气,并试图把它们扔进火里。如果不是博戈的戏剧性干预,我可能被警方调查的证据可能会被销毁。
The gathering ended at when Viking broke up the party and said that we were making too much noise and setting a bad example. I returned to my room through the cold drizzle to write up the results and for a review of the situation.
聚会结束时 ,维京人解散了聚会,并说我们制造了太多的噪音,树立了一个坏榜样。我冒着寒冷的细雨回到房间,写下结果并审查情况。
Albert Schweitzer left a hot water bottle in my bed. Slaves rule!
Albert Schweitzer在我的床上留下了一个热水瓶。奴隶统治!

Tuesday 9th March 3月9日星期二

A rumour was circling at breakfast that a first year in Larson House called Tampon Thompson tried to kill himself this morning by leaping out of his dormitory window before the rising siren. The boy broke his arm in the fall but escaped more serious injuries.
早餐时有传言说,拉森学院(Larson House)的一年级学生唐彭·汤普森(Tampon Thompson)今天早上试图在警笛声响起之前从宿舍窗户跳下自杀。这名男孩在摔倒时摔断了胳膊,但逃脱了更严重的伤害。
'Nickname like that, I'd also commit suicide,' snorted Boggo, scooping ants out of the sugar bowl.
'Viking is going to give birth when he hears about this,' added Simon, munching furiously on his muesli.
13:30 Word at lunch is that Tampon Thompson definitely tried to commit suicide. If it weren't for the
13:30 午餐时有消息说,卫生棉条汤普森肯定试图自杀。如果不是

quick thinking of a third year called Fungus who, inspired by Viking's infamous suicide directives, thumped Tampon on the head with a cricket bat and locked him in his army trunk, the boy might actually have succeeded in doing himself in. Rumour has it that Tampon's folks have already removed all his stuff and that he's leaving for good. Predictably, the school has denied everything and The Glock later announced that the boy had fallen out of his window by accident. (Where have we heard that one before?)
快速想到一个叫 Fungus 的三年级学生,他受到维京人臭名昭著的自杀指令的启发,用板球棒砸了卫生棉条的头,并将他锁在军用行李箱里,这个男孩实际上可能已经成功地做到了自己。有传言说,卫生棉条的人已经拿走了他所有的东西,他将永远离开。不出所料,学校否认了一切,格洛克后来宣布这个男孩不小心从窗户掉了下来。(我们以前在哪里听说过?
14:30 The Guv organised a practice match between the 1 sts and 2 nds. Although there wasn't really enough time for a full match we were well on top when he called a halt to proceedings shortly before , declaring that it had become too dark for him to see. Since the sun was still shining and The Guv was wearing his dark glasses, I would have to presume that he wasn't joking about having two Bulgarian prostitutes trapped in his wine cellar.
14:30 Guv 组织了 1 名和 2 名之间的练习赛。虽然没有足够的时间进行完整的比赛,但当他不久前 叫停比赛时,我们取得了领先,宣布天太黑了,他看不见。由于阳光明媚,古夫戴着墨镜,我不得不假设他不是在开玩笑说有两个保加利亚被困在他的酒窖里。
There was a sense of intensity among the members of the team and our fielding looked sharp and threatening. To beat King's College at King's College would really be something. The only real setback is being invited/ coerced into a team building braai at The Glock's house tomorrow night.

Wednesday 10th March 3月10日星期三

In my epic dream I was heroically saving numerous scantily clad schoolgirls at a burning St Catherine's school. After discovering that the scorching flames and smoke had no effect on me whatsoever, I kept charging back into the inferno to rescue yet more top drawer schoolgirls before carrying them through the flames to the admiring crowd of beauties who screamed and