It was impossible to ascertain whether The Guv really was dying of gangrene or merely making dark jokes about himself while drinking heavily. 无法确定古夫是否真的死于坏疽，或者只是在酗酒时对自己开个黑暗的玩笑。
'Come closer, Milton,' he ordered and I walked up to the window. Upon closer scrutiny The Guv looked terribly pale and completely drunk. It was difficult not to laugh at him in his red and yellow striped pyjamas standing on a footstool and peering through the window with a bottle of red wine in each hand. 'Milton, you've met Private Pinotage and Colonel Cabernet?' he said, holding out the wine. He winked at me and out of the side of his mouth whispered, 'I couldn't in all conscience split the platoon.' “靠近一点，米尔顿，”他命令道，我走到窗前。经过仔细观察，古夫看起来非常苍白，完全喝醉了。很难不嘲笑他穿着红黄条纹睡衣，站在脚凳上，两只手各拿着一瓶红酒从窗户往外看。“弥尔顿，你见过二等兵皮诺塔吉和赤霞珠上校吗？”他举起酒说。他朝我眨了眨眼，从嘴角低声说：“凭良心说，我不能把排分开。
I nodded in agreement as The Guv took a swig from Private Pinotage. 我点了点头表示同意，而古夫则从私人皮诺塔吉手中喝了一口。
'Art Garfunkel, Milton!' he shouted unexpectedly loudly. 'You've bloody grown. Or should I say you've sprouted?' He angled Colonel Cabernet in my direction and said, Just as well, old boy. If you ask me, you were beginning to take on the appearance of a consumptive David Bowie. “阿特·加芬克尔，弥尔顿！”他出乎意料地大声喊道。“你已经血腥地长大了。或者我应该说你已经发芽了？他把赤霞珠上校朝我的方向看去，说：“也一样，老家伙。如果你问我，你开始呈现出一个消耗性大卫鲍伊的外表。
I laughed loudly, but The Guv remained deadly serious. 我大声笑了起来，但古夫仍然非常严肃。
'Between these four walls, I may have picked up a case of the pox from a large nurse in the psychiatric wing.' He pointed Private Pinotage at his nethers and said he planned to go down all guns blazing. By this stage I wasn't sure if he was referring to the nurse, death, wine, or the pox. “在这四面墙之间，我可能从精神病院的一位大护士那里捡到了一例痘痘。他指着二等兵皮诺塔吉指着他的下界，说他打算把所有的枪都烧下去。到了这个阶段，我不确定他指的是护士、死亡、酒还是痘痘。
I also pondered a possible link between the pox and the VD plague. 我还思考了痘痘和VD瘟疫之间可能存在的联系。
When I pushed him for further details about his disease he shouted, 'No bloody comment!' and slammed the window shut. 当我追问他有关他病情的更多细节时，他大喊，“不许发表血腥评论！”然后砰的一声关上了窗户。
Wednesday 17th February 2月17日星期三
15:00 Garlic, Boggo and Vern took up residence in the cop shop on account of having apparently received permission from Rambo who was fast asleep in his room with the door locked and a disturb and die sign on his door. It seemed that evicting the non-prefect matrics would be impossible. Fatty made a break for the archives while I attempted to master the googly in the cricket nets. 15：00 Garlic、Boggo 和 Vern 在警察商店居住，因为显然得到了 Rambo 的许可，Rambo 在他的房间里睡着了，门锁着，门上有一个打扰和死亡的标志。似乎不可能驱逐非省长。胖子在档案馆休息了一会儿，而我则试图掌握板球网中的粘液。
17:05 I returned to the house where a deeply impressed Albert Schweitzer was waiting for me. 17：05 我回到房子，印象深刻的Albert Schweitzer正在等我。
'Hey, John,' he said, 'Small & Freckly said you had a telephone call from a girl at ten to four.' “嘿，约翰，”他说，“小雀斑说你接到一个女孩的电话，是十点到四点。
'Thanks,' I replied and made my way to the showers where my stuff had been neatly laid out. Albert Schweitzer marched along beside me and had much to report back on. “谢谢，”我回答说，然后走向淋浴间，那里的东西已经摆放得整整齐齐。阿尔伯特·史怀哲（Albert Schweitzer）在我身边走来走去，有很多事情要报告。
'I've made a list of things you need to stock up on this long weekend. All the usuals - toothpaste, soap, cop shop stuff ...' “我列出了你在这个长周末需要储备的东西。所有平常的东西——牙膏、肥皂、警察商店的东西......”
'Thanks.' As I was slipping out of my clothes Albert Schweitzer turned his back politely and double-checked the soap bar in the soap box. My clothes had barely hit the floor when he snatched them up and raced off without saying anything further. The showers were all taken but both Plaque and Near Death stepped out when I approached. I nodded my thanks to Plaque and claimed his steaming shower. “谢谢。”当我溜出衣服时，Albert Schweitzer礼貌地转过身来，仔细检查了肥皂盒里的肥皂条。我的衣服还没掉到地上，他就一把抢过来，一言不发地跑开了。淋浴都洗完了，但当我走近时，Plaque 和 Almost Death 都走了出来。我向普拉克点了点头表示感谢，并领取了他热气腾腾的淋浴。
After a good soaking I dried off and made my way along the passage towards the house door. Out of nowhere Albert Schweitzer appeared and began walking alongside me again, talking at a furious pace. 泡了一身澡后，我擦干了身体，沿着通道向房门走去。阿尔伯特·史怀哲（Albert Schweitzer）突然出现，又开始和我并肩而行，语速狂暴。
'Just spoke to Small & Freckly,' he said. 'The girl on the telephone call didn't leave her name or a message.' “刚刚和Small&Freckly谈过，”他说。“打电话的女孩没有留下她的名字或信息。
'Thanks,' I replied. “谢谢，”我回答。
'Who do you think it might be, John?' he asked eagerly. “你认为会是谁，约翰？”他急切地问。
I shrugged and closed the door, leaving my slave looking rather forlorn outside. Inside my heart was thumping at the thought that it might have been her. I allowed the towel to drop and studied my naked body in the long mirror fastened to the inside of the cupboard door. A tad more meat and muscle than before perhaps, but still not much to write home about. A shaft of sunlight slid over the chapel roof and beamed through my window like a light sabre. It was golden and warm and I loved the feel of it across my face. On the bed my khakis had been carefully laid out for dinner, but a part of me resisted putting them on. 我耸了耸肩，关上了门，留下我的奴隶在外面显得相当孤独。我心里砰砰直跳，一想到可能是她。我让毛巾掉下来，在固定在橱柜门内侧的长镜子里研究我赤裸的身体。也许比以前多了一点肉和肌肉，但仍然没有太多可写的。一缕阳光从教堂的屋顶上滑过，像一把光剑一样从我的窗户射进来。它是金色的，温暖的，我喜欢它在我脸上的感觉。在床上，我的卡其裤被小心翼翼地摆放着，准备吃晚饭，但我的一部分拒绝穿上它们。
Thursday 18th February 2月18日星期四
Never sit next to Garlic at school hymn practice. Not only is he tone deaf and sings at the volume of a shout, but he weeps during the school hymn. 在学校练习赞美诗时，永远不要坐在大蒜旁边。他不仅音聋，唱歌的音量很大，而且在学校的赞美诗中哭泣。
The Malawian, despite being in floods of tears minutes earlier, was in sprightly form at breakfast because he is leaving this afternoon for his beloved Blantyre. Thankfully, he isn't heading to the lake which means we will be spared a series of inane stories about his windsurfer, monitor lizards and evolutionary fish with upside down faces. He did, however, invite us all to visit whenever we wanted and narrowly avoided being stabbed in the head by Rambo's fork which flew across the table and sailed millimetres over the top of Garlic's luminous left ear. 尽管几分钟前这位马拉维人泪流满面，但他在早餐时状态很好，因为他今天下午将前往他心爱的布兰太尔。值得庆幸的是，他没有去湖边，这意味着我们将免于一系列关于他的风帆冲浪者、巨蜥和倒置面孔的进化鱼的疯狂故事。然而，他确实邀请我们所有人随时参观，并勉强避免被兰博的叉子刺伤头部，兰博的叉子飞过桌子，在大蒜发光的左耳顶部飞过几毫米。
08:20 I returned to my room to brush my teeth and gather up the books that had been neatly readied on my desk. Despite having locked my door, Albert Schweitzer was inside ferreting away in my cupboard. 08：20 我回到房间刷牙，收拾桌上整齐的书。尽管我锁上了门，Albert Schweitzer还是在我的橱柜里。
'How did you get in here?' I demanded. “你是怎么进来的？”我问道。
Schweitzer didn't wilt in the face of my threatening approach and aggressive tone. Instead he looked at me like I was a simpleton and said, 'You left the window open.' 面对我的威胁态度和咄咄逼人的语气，Schweitzer并没有退缩。相反，他看着我，就像我是个傻瓜一样，说，'你把窗户开着。
Friday 19th February 2月19日星期五
11:15 While soaking up a rare minute of not having anything immediate to do, a tall shadow blocked out the sun and I found myself squinting up at Simon who shouted 'Catch!' and flicked a turquoise envelope in my direction. The motley gathering of sun-tanners on the house bench, consisting of JR Ewing, Barryl, Darryl (the last remaining), Meg Ryan's Son, Stutterheim, Enzo Ferrari and Shambles, demanded that I open the letter and read its contents. I immediately agreed, opened the envelope and pretended to read a note inside. My (porno) graphic reading of my imaginary letter had the idiots hoodwinked and when I said I couldn't read aloud any more because the letter was becoming too sick and sexually disturbing, I had to flee the mob and hurtle back to my room where I locked the door and windows, all the while laughing hysterically and gasping for breath. I opened the envelope again and inside was a tiny slip of silver paper on which was written: 11：15 在难得的一分钟无事可做时，一个高大的影子挡住了太阳，我发现自己眯着眼睛看着西蒙，他大喊“接住！”，朝我的方向扔了一个绿松石信封。由JR尤因、巴里尔、达里尔（最后剩下的）、梅格·瑞恩的儿子、斯塔特海姆、恩佐·法拉利和沙姆布尔斯组成的散落在屋子长凳上的晒黑者，要求我打开这封信并阅读其内容。我立刻答应了，打开信封，假装看了里面的一张纸条。我对我想象中的信的（色情）图形阅读让白痴们蒙蔽了，当我说我不能再大声朗读了，因为这封信变得太恶心和性困扰时，我不得不逃离暴徒，冲回我的房间，在那里我锁上了门窗，一直歇斯底里地大笑，喘着粗气。我再次打开信封，里面是一张小小的银纸条，上面写着：
Sarah Silver 7743031 莎拉·西尔弗（Sarah Silver）7743031
What a way to start the long weekend! 开始长周末的方式真是太棒了！
Saturday 20th February 2月20日星期六
19:00 Wombat was half pissed upon arrival at the Royal Natal Yacht Club. Not only was she embarrassingly loud and shrill but her breath reeked of whisky and she yelled 'All aboard!' at the maitre d' as we stepped into the dining room. Fair enough, the yacht club lies on the 19：00 袋熊抵达皇家纳塔尔游艇俱乐部时半生气。她不仅令人尴尬地大声和刺耳，而且她的呼吸中弥漫着威士忌的味道，当我们走进餐厅时，她对着领班大喊“全部上船！公平地说，游艇俱乐部位于
banks of the harbour, but to spend the entire evening thinking you're on a ship sailing for Southampton with the Duke of Edinburgh hosting a party on the deck below is just plain daft. When the distinguished Indian waiter with grey hair came to take our food orders, Wombat blasted him for being a slacker and ordered the man to roll up his sleeves and pump the bilges. The waiter stared at Wombat for some time before clearing his throat and recommending the prawn curry. 海港的岸边，但整个晚上都以为你正在一艘驶向南安普敦的船上，爱丁堡公爵在下面的甲板上举办派对，这简直是愚蠢的。当那位白发苍苍的尊贵的印度侍者来接我们的点餐时，袋熊斥责他是个懒惰的人，并命令这个人卷起袖子，给舱底打气。服务员盯着袋熊看了一会儿，然后清了清嗓子，推荐了咖喱虾。
Wombat pointed at me and announced, 'David will have the kingklip, as will Roy his father.' She pointed at Mom and said, 'My sister will have cottage pie, and I'll have the hake and pilchards.' The waiter obviously figured out that he was dealing with a jabbering nutcase as he had by now ceased writing on his pad. Meanwhile, Mom seemed genuinely appalled at being referred to as Wombat's sister and was furiously applying make-up to her face while scowling into a small hand mirror which she held below the level of the table. Thankfully, Dad called the waiter aside, ordered a double round, and requested a few more minutes to study the menu. 袋熊指着我说：“大卫将拥有王权，他的父亲罗伊也将拥有王权。她指着妈妈说：“我姐姐要吃山寨馅饼，我要鳕鱼和鳕鱼。侍者显然发现他正在处理一个喋喋不休的疯子，因为他现在已经停止在笔记本上写字了。与此同时，妈妈似乎真的对被称为袋熊的妹妹感到震惊，她愤怒地在脸上化妆，同时皱着眉头对着一面小手镜，她把镜子放在桌子下面。谢天谢地，爸爸把服务员叫到一边，点了两轮，并要求再花几分钟研究菜单。
Wombat excused herself after dinner and said that she needed the loo. Mom offered to accompany her but Wombat snapped back that she wasn't an invalid, snatched up her handbag and strode off angrily. 袋熊在晚饭后找了个借口，说她需要厕所。妈妈提出要陪她一起去，但袋熊反驳说她不是残疾人，抓起她的手提包，愤怒地大步离开。
'What a lady!' quipped Dad, before belching loudly and stacking a few empty beer cans in a pyramid formation. Mom berated Dad for his poor manners and blamed his hanging around the pub with seedy characters for his lapse in standards. My father appeared unconcerned by Mom's lecture, kicked me under the table, and whispered, 'Have you seen the jugs on the bride's mother?' I shook my head. 'Bigger than Parton,' said Dad with a naughty look in his eye. “真是个女士！”爸爸打趣道，然后大声打了个饱嗝，把几个空啤酒罐堆成金字塔形。妈妈斥责爸爸的举止不礼貌，并责怪他在酒吧里闲逛，因为他的标准不高。我父亲似乎对妈妈的教训毫不在意，把我踢到桌子底下，低声说：“你看到新娘妈妈身上的水壶了吗？我摇了摇头。“比帕顿还大，”爸爸说，眼睛里带着调皮的神情。
'What's that?' questioned Mom in a menacing tone. “那是什么？”妈妈用威胁的语气问道。
'I just said...I beg your pardon,' replied Dad, casually pouring another Castle into his tilted glass. “我只是说......对不起，“爸爸回答说，漫不经心地把另一座城堡倒进他倾斜的玻璃杯里。
Suddenly a terrible wailing noise started up on the veranda. It would be best described as a combination of an old air raid siren, screeching tyres, and the beginnings of a serious cat fight. All the diners ceased eating and craned their necks to see who could be responsible for such a shrill and bloody massacre of God Save the Queen. 突然，阳台上响起了可怕的哀嚎声。最好将其描述为旧空袭警报器、刺耳的轮胎和一场严肃的猫斗的开始的结合。所有的食客都停止了进食，伸长了脖子，想看看谁能为如此尖锐而血腥的上帝保佑女王大屠杀负责。
Our waiter and the concerned maître d' ushered Wombat back to her seat after she had completed her hideous rendition of the British national anthem. Thankfully, nobody ordered dessert or coffee so once Mom had forged Wombat's signature on the bill we bundled my grandmother into the car before she could cause further trouble and set off for Wombat's flat via Umbilo to avoid possible roadblocks. 我们的侍者和关心的女主人在袋熊完成她对英国国歌的丑陋演绎后，把她带回了她的座位。值得庆幸的是，没有人点甜点或咖啡，所以一旦妈妈在账单上伪造了袋熊的签名，我们就把我的祖母绑在车里，以免她造成进一步的麻烦，然后通过Umbilo出发前往袋熊的公寓，以避免可能的路障。
Sunday 21st February 2月21日星期日
17:30 I was shivering, could hardly breathe, and my tongue felt as thick as a cricket bat. I couldn't back out now, what with Mom out walking, Dad spraying his roses, and Blacky fast asleep in his basket - there would never again be such a perfect time to make the call. 17：30 我浑身发抖，几乎无法呼吸，舌头感觉像板球棒一样粗。我现在不能退缩了，妈妈出去散步，爸爸喷洒他的玫瑰花，布莱克在他的篮子里睡着了——再也不会有这么完美的时间打电话了。
'Hello, Sarah speaking.' “你好，莎拉在说话。”
An explosion went off in my head and I heard myself saying, 'Hi, is that Sarah?' In hindsight this was a hugely embarrassing start since she had already identified herself. 我脑子里爆炸了，我听到自己说，'嗨，那是莎拉吗？事后看来，这是一个非常尴尬的开始，因为她已经表明了自己的身份。
'Um ... I think I just said I was Sarah,' she said, sounding a little peeved. “嗯......我想我只是说我是莎拉，“她说，听起来有点生气。
'Hi Sarah, sorry, it's John Milton here.' “嗨，莎拉，对不起，我是约翰·米尔顿。”
There was a pause on the other end until I remembered that I hadn't revealed my surname on the night of the social. 电话那头停顿了一下，直到我想起我没有在社交之夜透露我的姓氏。
'It's John. You know the guy at the social...' I prompted, feeling the blood rush to my face. I was in the process of making a colossal fool out of myself. “是约翰。你认识社交场合的那个人......”我提示道，感觉血液涌上我的脸。我正在把自己变成一个巨大的傻瓜。
'What social?' Her question shocked me to the core. I began doubting everything, even my own sanity. “什么社交？”她的问题让我震惊不已。我开始怀疑一切，甚至怀疑我自己的理智。
'This is Sarah Silver, right?' I asked in a high voice that sounded like it had run out of air and was now fuelled by desperation alone. “这是莎拉·西尔弗，对吧？”我用高亢的声音问道，听起来像是空气耗尽了，现在只剩下绝望了。
'Right,' she replied. “是的，”她回答。
Come to think of , now even her voice sounded different too. 想想 看，现在连她的声音听起来也不一样了。
'And you go to St Mary's Convent, right?' “你去圣玛丽修道院，对吧？”
'Right ...' she replied. I could detect a note of caution in her voice like she thought I might be some kind of heavy breathing stalker. “对......”她回答说。我能从她的声音中察觉到一丝谨慎，就像她认为我可能是某种沉重的呼吸跟踪者一样。
'And you were at the social last weekend...' I continued, praying that something would register. “你上周末在社交场合......”我继续说着，祈祷着有什么东西会记录下来。
'Yes, I was.' “是的，我是。”
'And I kissed you ... “我吻了你......
'What?' she exploded. “什么？”她大声说。
'It's John,' I declared, becoming desperate. 'The guy you danced with during Purple Rain.' “是约翰，”我宣布，变得绝望。“你在紫雨节期间和你一起跳舞的那个家伙。”
The maddening silence continued and I could tell that she quite literally had no idea who I was, nor did she have the slightest memory of kissing me. 令人抓狂的沉默仍在继续，我看得出来，她真的不知道我是谁，也没有丝毫吻我的记忆。
'You sent the letter, the note, with your number on it?' “你寄来了那封信，那张纸条，上面有你的号码？”
There was another horrendous pause and then she said, 'Um, sorry, look I don't know what you're actually talking about so please don't phone this number again.' 又是一阵可怕的停顿，然后她说，'嗯，对不起，我不知道你到底在说什么，所以请不要再打这个号码了。
The line went dead and I just sat there staring at the telephone. I am officially the most forgettable human being in the world. 电话没电了，我只是坐在那里盯着电话。我正式成为世界上最令人难忘的人。
I picked up the phone on its third ring. 我拿起电话，电话响了第三声。
'Hello, John speaking. “你好，约翰在说话。
'What took you so long to call?' she asked without even saying hello. “你花了这么长时间才打电话来干什么？”她甚至没有打招呼就问。
'What?' I said. 'You remember me now?' “什么？”我说过。“你现在还记得我吗？”
'Of course I remember you. I was only teasing,' she said, laughing heartily at my embarrassment. The relief was intoxicating and I collapsed back onto the telephone stool, grinning stupidly. “我当然记得你。我只是在开玩笑，“她说，对我的尴尬发自内心地笑。这种解脱令人陶醉，我瘫倒在电话凳上，傻傻地笑着。
"We had wild sex up against the hockey goalposts, right?' “我们在曲棍球门柱上进行了疯狂的性行为，对吧？”
Another pop of light went off in my head and I found myself standing upright. 'What?' 又一道光在我的脑海中响起，我发现自己站直了。“什么？”
'You're quite a stallion, John Milton.' “你真是一匹种马，约翰·弥尔顿。”
'Um, Sarah,' I said, 'we didn't have ... I mean do ...' “呃，莎拉，”我说，“我们没有......我的意思是做......”
'Whatt' she gasped. Pause. 'Oh shit,' she said. 'So you must be the other guy.' “什么，”她喘着粗气。暂停。“哎呀妈呀，”她说。“所以你一定是另一个人。”
'What other guy?' I asked in a voice that sounded desperately high and womanly. “还有什么人？”我用一种听起来极度高亢和女人味的声音问道。
'Never mind. Okay, now I know exactly who you are.' “没关系。好吧，现在我确切地知道你是谁了。
I didn't know what to say. This second telephone call was turning out worse than the first one (which by most rational standards had gone extremely badly). Then I heard Sarah laughing again. 我不知道该说什么。这第二通电话的结果比第一通更糟糕（按照最理性的标准，第一通电话非常糟糕）。然后我又听到莎拉笑了。
'That was another joke, wasn't it?' I said and was treated to her howling at my discomfort. “这又是一个笑话，不是吗？”我说，并被她因我的不适而嚎叫。
On the plus side, in the final minutes of our rather unnerving conversation she admitted to having lost her virginity at fourteen. This was offset by the revelation of her emotional breakdown at fifteen, and the relationship with her cousin at sixteen which her parents forced her to break up. (I shudder to think what the next year might bring.) 从好的方面来说，在我们相当令人不安的谈话的最后几分钟，她承认在十四岁时失去了童贞。这被她十五岁时情绪崩溃的揭露所抵消，以及十六岁时与表弟的关系被她的父母强迫她分手。（想到明年会发生什么，我不寒而栗。
Sarah Silver is a mighty strange girl indeed and, if I'm being honest, I was disappointed when the call was over. The bright side (her possible nymphomania) was cancelled out by her unfortunate side (her controversial personality). 莎拉·西尔弗（Sarah Silver）确实是一个强大的奇怪女孩，老实说，当电话结束时，我感到很失望。光明的一面（她可能的花痴）被她不幸的一面（她有争议的性格）所抵消。
To make matters worse, Mom had returned from her walk and was listening in on the final moments of my conversation. She shat me out for chasing girls like a playboy, breaking Mermaid's heart, and neglecting my studies. She said I was growing into an unpleasant young man and that if I carried on in this fashion I was bound to be a complete failure in life and would never find a decent girlfriend. I'm not sure what provoked the tirade because I've pretty much kept to myself this weekend. Mom's verbal abuse pushed me over the edge and I slammed my bedroom door so hard that the windows vibrated. I lay down on my bed and wished that I was back in my room at school where nobody bothers me and people stay out of my way. 更糟糕的是，妈妈散步回来，正在听我谈话的最后时刻。她骂我像花花公子一样追女孩，伤了美人鱼的心，忽视了我的学业。她说我正在成长为一个不讨人喜欢的年轻人，如果我继续这样下去，我注定是人生的彻底失败者，永远找不到像样的女朋友。我不确定是什么引发了长篇大论，因为这个周末我几乎一直保持沉默。妈妈的辱骂把我推到了边缘，我狠狠地关上了卧室的门，窗户震动了。我躺在床上，希望我能回到学校的房间里，没有人打扰我，人们不挡我的路。
Monday 22nd February 2月22日星期一
Dad and I had planned to fish this morning before I headed back to school tonight. Unfortunately, the wind had already been blowing from sunrise and Frank, who has bought himself a house in Umdloti, phoned through to say the sea was on its ear. Dad took me to the Hypermarket by the sea instead so that I could stock up on the various items on Albert Schweitzer's shopping list. On the way there he told me to take it easy on Mom because she's having a tough time with Wombat. 爸爸和我本来打算今天早上去钓鱼，然后今晚回学校。不幸的是，日出时分，风已经吹来了，弗兰克在乌姆德洛蒂给自己买了房子，他打电话说大海就在耳边。爸爸带我去了海边的大卖场，这样我就可以囤积阿尔伯特·史怀哲（Albert Schweitzer）购物清单上的各种商品。在去那里的路上，他告诉我要对妈妈放轻松，因为她和袋熊相处得很艰难。
'I'm not the one doing all the shouting,' I replied, still seething about last night. Dad nodded and changed the subject. “我不是那个大喊大叫的人，”我回答说，昨晚还在沸腾。爸爸点了点头，转移了话题。
The Guv was seated comfortably at his desk and his attention was entirely focused on a dirty old book with a faded green cover. The English class quietly made their way to their desks and unpacked their books while he continued to read in a rapt and studious fashion. After we were settled he slowly raised his head, looked up to the ceiling and in a low groaning voice uttered, 'I have of late - but wherefore I know not - lost all my mirth.' His 古夫舒服地坐在办公桌前，他的注意力完全集中在一本肮脏的旧书上，书的封面褪色了。英语班的人悄悄地走到他们的课桌前，打开他们的书包，而他则继续以一种狂热和好学的方式阅读。我们安顿好后，他慢慢地抬起头，抬头望向天花板，用低沉的呻吟声说：“我最近——但我不知道为什么——失去了我所有的喜悦。他
eyes fell upon Rambo and his expression hardened as he continued, 'Forgone all custom of exercise; and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory.' 目光落在兰博身上，他的表情变得僵硬，继续说道：“放弃了所有锻炼的习惯;事实上，它与我的性情相吻合，以至于这个美好的框架，地球，在我看来是一个毫无生气的海角。
There was something tragic about The Guv's quotation from Hamlet. A silence fell across the classroom. Even Rambo was staring at him, expectant. 古夫对哈姆雷特的引用有些悲剧性。教室里一片寂静。就连兰博也盯着他，满怀期待。
Then Garlic charged in, pink-faced and desperate. He had just begun a shouted apology for his lateness when he tripped over Boggo's outstretched legs and flew head first across the floor. 然后大蒜冲了进来，脸色粉红，绝望。他刚开始为自己的迟到大声道歉，就被博戈伸出的腿绊倒了，头先飞到了地板上。
'God almighty,' whispered The Guv as he glared intently at the fallen Malawian. “全能的上帝，”古夫低声说，他目不转睛地盯着倒下的马拉维人。
'Sorry I'm a bit late, sir,' said Garlic dusting himself off. “对不起，我来晚了一点，先生，”大蒜说，掸了掸身上的灰尘。
'It's a long walk from Nyasaland, Garlic,' noted our English teacher. “这里离尼亚萨兰很远，大蒜，”我们的英语老师说。
'No, sir,' replied Garlic as he limped over to his vacant desk and collapsed into his chair with a grunt. 'I just had to see Mrs Wilson.' “不，先生，”大蒜回答说，他一瘸一拐地走到他空着的办公桌前，咕哝着瘫倒在椅子上。“我只是想去见威尔逊夫人。”
'I know the feeling,' replied The Guv. “我知道这种感觉，”古夫回答。
'She put me through five different tests and then the computer told her what my career options were.' “她让我接受了五次不同的测试，然后电脑告诉她我的职业选择是什么。
'And?' enquired Rambo swivelling in his seat. “然后呢？”兰博在座位上转了一圈问道。
'Forestry or the clergy,' Garlic declared to a cacophony of laughter. “林业还是神职人员，”大蒜在一阵刺耳的笑声中宣布。
'May God help himself and our forests,' muttered The Guv before ordering silence. After a suitable pause he informed us that he was dying of syphilis and if he should expire during English then his orders were for his body to be cremated and his ashes to be eaten by Fatty. “愿上帝帮助他自己和我们的森林，”古夫咕哝着，然后下令保持沉默。在适当的停顿之后，他告诉我们他死于梅毒，如果他在英语中死亡，那么他的命令是将他的尸体火化，他的骨灰由胖子吃掉。
Fatty didn't seem to think this would be much of a problem. 胖子似乎并不认为这会是什么大问题。
Not sure what it is with The Guv since he's come back, but he's certainly not his normal sprightly self. 不知道自从他回来后，古夫是怎么回事，但他肯定不是他平时活泼的自己。
17:00 During a lengthy shower after cricket practice I debated Spike on capital punishment. Unsurprisingly, considering the boy's psychopathic older brother, Spike has deeply controversial politics and possible neo-Nazi tendencies. He didn't even bother arguing his case for capital punishment at all and merely spent most of the time suggesting new and innovative ways of torturing and killing people. Surely not even the National Party would dream up the idea of lawnmowing someone to death? 17：00 在板球练习后的长时间淋浴中，我与斯派克就死刑进行了辩论。不出所料，考虑到这个男孩的精神病哥哥，斯派克在政治上有着深刻的争议和可能的新纳粹倾向。他甚至根本懒得为死刑辩护，只是把大部分时间花在提出新的和创新的折磨和杀人方法上。当然，即使是国民党也不会想到割草致死的想法吗？
Back in my room everything has been changed around again. My bed is now behind the door and my desk has been placed under the window. Shelves of uniforms are now shelves of books and, senselessly, every single poster has been taken down and pinned up elsewhere. 回到我的房间，一切都变了。我的床现在在门后，我的桌子放在窗户下面。制服的书架现在变成了书架，毫无意义地，每一张海报都被取下并钉在别处。
This time I lost my temper and marched around the house screaming for my slave clad in nothing but my towel. Turns out he was at choir practice so I had to return to my room in a foul mood where I briefly considered the sublime pleasure of slowly lawnmowing Albert Schweitzer to death. 这一次，我发了脾气，在房子里走来走去，尖叫着要我的奴隶，只穿着我的毛巾。原来他正在合唱团练习，所以我不得不怀着一种糟糕的心情回到我的房间，在那里我短暂地考虑了慢慢地将阿尔伯特·史怀哲割草致死的崇高乐趣。
21:00 Just issued Schweitzer with a stern ticking off outside the phone room where he was awaiting a call from his mother. I told him that if he ever senselessly moves my room around again I'll fill him with Easygas and blow him up by inserting a flame thrower up his rectum (another one of Spike's sadistic ideas, which I now realise are coming in helpful). 21：00 刚向施韦策发出严厉的声音，在电话室外，他正在等待母亲的电话。我告诉他，如果他再毫无意义地移动我的房间，我会给他装满 Easygas，然后在他的直肠上插入火焰喷射器来炸毁他（斯派克的另一个虐待狂想法，我现在意识到这是有帮助的）。
Wednesday 24th February 2月24日星期三
I have just completed a series of intense aptitude tests with Eve in her office. It is without doubt the most horny I have been all year and possibly ever. Not even hearing the news that I am best suited to being a teacher or 我刚刚在夏娃的办公室里完成了一系列激烈的能力测试。毫无疑问，这是我一整年甚至可能有史以来最饥渴的一次。甚至没有听到我最适合当老师的消息，或者
researcher lessened the fact that it was a profound and memorable hour spent with my former housemaster's wife. 研究人员减轻了这样一个事实，即与我前院长的妻子一起度过了一个深刻而难忘的时光。
CRAZY EIGHT CAREERS 疯狂的八大职业
RAMBO
politician or lawyer 政治家或律师
GARLIC
forestry or clergy 林业或神职人员
SIMON
sportsman or psychiatrist 运动员或精神科医生
SPUD
teacher or researcher 教师或研究人员
FATTY
food critic or children's entertainer 美食评论家或儿童艺人
VERN
animal trainer or creative artist 驯兽师或创意艺术家
BOGGO
sales executive or porn star 销售主管或色情明星
If the complaints in the cop shop after prep were anything to go by then very few of the Crazy Eight were altogether impressed with the results of their session with Eve. Nobody believed Boggo that Eve's computer would have spat out porn star as a career in the first place. Not unless there was a sudden demand in the sex industry for pale long-legged acne sufferers. Rambo was bragging about the fact that he had outwitted Eve and her computer by deciding beforehand what career he wanted before answering all the questions accordingly. Fatty was extremely happy about being a food critic but less so about being a children's entertainer. Boggo, after issuing an extremely long machine gun laugh, reckoned that the computer had obviously picked up on Fatty's anorexia-paedophilia and spat out children's entertainer. 如果说准备工作后警察店里的抱怨是可以接受的，那么疯狂八人中很少有人对他们与伊芙的会议结果印象深刻。没有人相信 Boggo 一开始就会把色情明星当成职业。除非性行业突然对苍白的长腿痤疮患者有需求。兰博吹嘘说，在回答所有问题之前，他事先决定了他想要的职业，从而智取了夏娃和她的电脑。Fat 非常高兴成为一名美食评论家，但对成为一名儿童艺人却不那么高兴。博戈在发出了一声极长的机关枪笑声后，认为电脑显然已经发现了胖子的厌食恋童癖，并吐出了儿童艺人。
I must admit that I was rather jealous of Vern being labelled a possible creative artist. Clearly the computer takes a rather dim view of creative people because it understands creativity and insanity as being one and the same. Garlic's unlucky form continued when Fatty knocked over his tea and broke his I Lake Malawi 我必须承认，我相当嫉妒 Vern 被贴上可能的创意艺术家的标签。显然，计算机对有创造力的人持相当模糊的看法，因为它将创造力和精神错乱理解为一回事。大蒜的倒霉状态继续，当胖子打翻了他的茶并打破了他的马拉维湖时
mug. Later he complained of a migraine and thanks to Boggo being the only person this side of the sanatorium with a supply of painkillers he had to pay a rather extortionist three rand per tablet. 杯。后来他抱怨偏头痛，多亏了博戈是疗养院这边唯一有止痛药供应的人，他不得不支付每片三兰特的敲诈勒索费。
Thursday 25th February 2月25日星期四
The following letter arrived in the post: 以下信件到达了邮局：
Dear John (Ha Ha.) 亲爱的约翰（哈哈。
Okay so I promise that this will be a serious letter without a single joke. Not. (Ha Ha.) Okay so the truth is I have this like weird disease which turns me into an idiot on the phone. I don't know if it's nervousness or brain freeze or whether it's something that I inherited from my parents (which is possible). Shame poor me. (Ha Ha.) 好吧，所以我保证这将是一封严肃的信，没有一个笑话。不是（哈哈。好吧，事实是我得了这种奇怪的疾病，这让我在电话里变成了一个白痴。我不知道是紧张还是大脑冻结，还是我从父母那里继承了（这是可能的）。可怜的我真可惜。（哈哈。
I didn't know your surname was Milton. Did you know there was this old English writer called John Milton who wrote a poem for our Std 8 poetry book? That's so hilarious! (Ha Ha.) Your Mom and Dad must have a real sense of humour! 我不知道你姓弥尔顿。你知道有一位叫约翰·弥尔顿的老英国作家为我们的 Std 8 诗集写了一首诗吗？太搞笑了！（哈哈。你的爸爸妈妈一定很有幽默感！
I was wondering (a little) if you were coming to the Arcade party next Saturday night in PMB? Anyway my friends and I are going and it would be great to see you there???? Also one of my friends (Loren) is totally in love with that hot guy Rambo. I think his name is Robert. Is he single? Could you bring him along next weekend? No pressure! ( 我想知道（有点）你是否会在下周六晚上参加 PMB 的街机派对？无论如何，我和我的朋友都要去，很高兴在那里见到你????我的一个朋友（罗兰）也完全爱上了那个帅哥兰博。我想他的名字叫罗伯特。他是单身吗？下周末你能带他一起去吗？没有压力！ （
Also there was that really weird and creepy guy who was dancing behind you with his hands in his pockets for most of the evening. Is he your friend? Does he go to your school? What's wrong with him? 还有那个非常奇怪和令人毛骨悚然的家伙，他在晚上的大部分时间里都在你身后跳舞，双手插在口袋里。他是你的朋友吗？他去你的学校吗？他怎么了？
I have so much homework to do (Yuk!!) but Mrs O'Reilly will kill me if I don't finish it by tomorrow. (She's my maths teacher and I hate her.) 我有很多功课要做（Yuk！！），但如果我明天不完成，O'Reilly夫人会杀了我。（她是我的数学老师，我讨厌她。
Okay so I hope you write back and I'll see you next weekend at the Arcade. 好的，我希望你回信，下周末在拱廊见。
Love Sarah Silver 爱莎拉·西尔弗
PS Why do they call you Spud? (Potato?) PS 为什么他们叫你 Spud？（土豆？
Reasons for persisting with Sarah Silver: 坚持使用莎拉·西尔弗的原因：
She's good looking 她长得好看
She's an excellent kisser 她是一个优秀的接吻者
She jumped her cousin (possible nympho) 她跳了她的表弟（可能是花痴）
Reasons for dumping Sarah Silver: 甩掉莎拉·西尔弗的原因：
Her personality seems a little dire 她的性格似乎有点可怕
Her jokes aren't funny 她的笑话并不好笑
She's odd 她很奇怪
She writes (Ha Ha!) frequently in her letters which is terribly lame even for Std 8 level 她经常在她的信中写信（哈哈！），即使对于 Std 8 级别来说，这也很蹩脚
My heart beats normally when I think about her 当我想到她时，我的心跳正常
She committed incest 她犯了罪
It would seem on this evidence that I have to dump Sarah Silver. Since there is no way in hell that I am ever going to phone her again it will either have to be via letter or via ignore-ance. Letter or the latter? I think the latter. 根据这个证据，我似乎必须抛弃莎拉·西尔弗。既然在地狱里我不可能再给她打电话了，要么通过信件，要么通过无视。信还是后者？我认为是后者。
Friday 26th February 2月26日星期五
14:15 There was considerable excitement in the house when Vern took a hostage and barricaded his bed against the door of his room, making it impossible to break in or out. Initially, it wasn't clear who the hostage was, but shrill shrieking and high-pitched crying led the crowd of onlookers outside Vern's room to believe that the unfortunate boy was Plaque. According to Plump Graham, who overheard the altercation, Vern issued Plaque a yellow slip for loitering in the bogs and surrounds. Foolishly, the first year seemed under the impression that the yellow slip was meaningless and threw it in the bin outside the common room. 14：15 當弗恩劫持了一場人質，並將他的床靠在房間的門上，使人無法進出時，屋子裡非常興奮。最初，尚不清楚人质是谁，但尖锐的尖叫声和尖锐的哭泣声让弗恩房间外的围观人群相信这个不幸的男孩就是普拉克。根据无意中听到争吵的丰满格雷厄姆的说法，弗恩向普拉克发放了一张黄色的纸条，让他在沼泽和周围徘徊。愚蠢的是，第一年似乎以为黄色的纸条毫无意义，把它扔进了公共休息室外的垃圾桶。
Vern, who had been trailing Plaque at a discreet distance, promptly shouted 'Stop thief!' and wrestled the first year to the ground. Once subdued, Rain Man dragged him into his room and battened down the hatches. That was over half an hour ago and despite all the wailing and hysteria, Plaque is still being held captive in the room under the stairs. 一直小心翼翼地跟在普拉克后面的弗恩立刻大喊“停止小偷！”，然后把第一年摔倒在地。制服后，雨人将他拖进房间，关上了舱门。那是半个多小时前的事了，尽管嚎啕大哭，歇斯底里，普拉克仍然被囚禁在楼梯下的房间里。
Viking was livid when he heard about the hostage crisis. He strode into the house in a menacing mood, scattering the crowd that had gathered, and thumped on Vern's door. 维京人听说人质危机时很生气。他带着威胁的心情大步走进屋子，驱散了聚集的人群，砰的一声敲响了Vern的门。
'Blackadder!' he cried. 'If you sodomise that boy I'll bloody sodomise you!' He noticed that we were all staring at him and added, 'Not literally, obviously.' “Blackadder！”他喊道。“如果你鸡奸那个男孩，我就血腥地鸡奸你！”他注意到我们都在盯着他看，于是补充道，“显然不是字面意思。
Viking drove his heel into the door with an enormous crash but it remained intact. There was the sound of more hideous and chilling shrieking from inside which might have been Plaque but was most probably Vern. 维京人用巨大的撞击声将他的脚后跟撞到了门上，但它仍然完好无损。里面传来了更可怕、更令人毛骨悚然的尖叫声，可能是普拉克，但很可能是弗恩。
'Right!' cried Viking. 'That's it. I'm calling in the maintenance department. “对！”维京人喊道。“就是这样。我打电话给维护部门。
He made it sound like he was calling in the Terminator but it turned out to be only a sickly Rogers Halibut carrying a small toolbox. Under the close inspection of Viking, Rambo, Simon, Boggo, Garlic and me, the maintenance man slowly unscrewed the hinges on Vern's door. After the hinges were dealt with, Viking issued an extremely resonant countdown from ten which served no purpose other than to alert Vern to the fact that we were coming in. 他让它听起来像是在召唤终结者，但结果只是一只病态的罗杰斯大比目鱼，背着一个小工具箱。在维京、兰博、西蒙、博戈、大蒜和我的仔细检查下，维修人员慢慢地拧开了弗恩门上的铰链。在处理完铰链后，维京人从十点开始发出了极其共鸣的倒计时，除了提醒弗恩我们要进来之外，没有任何作用。
Rambo and Simon heaved the door back and a ghostly Plaque tore out and didn't stop running untll he reached his dormitory. Vern, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen which, considering the dimensions of his room, was an excellent achievement. 兰博和西蒙推开门，一块幽灵般的牌匾被撕了出来，他没有停止奔跑，直到他回到了自己的宿舍。另一方面，Vern 无处可寻，考虑到他房间的大小，这是一项了不起的成就。
Boggo triumphantly threw open the cupboard but aside from an abnormally high pile of khaki shorts the space was vacant. Unfortunately for Vern, the only other possible hiding place was beneath the wooden slats under the mattress and that's exactly where we found him playing dead. Having slept next to the idiot for most of my teenage years, I can tell the subtle difference between Vern pretending to be sleeping/unconscious and Vern pretending to be dead. On this occasion he was quite obviously playing dead, a performance that he only brings out when, in his estimation, he has blundered badly. The tell-tale tongue sticking out of the corner of the mouth was in evidence after Vern was dragged from the bowels of his bed and laid out on the floor of the passage. 博戈得意洋洋地打开了橱柜，但除了一堆异常高的卡其色短裤外，这个空间是空的。不幸的是，对于Vern来说，唯一可能的藏身之处是床垫下的木板条下面，而这正是我们发现他装死的地方。在我十几岁的时候，我大部分时间都睡在白痴旁边，我可以分辨出 Vern 假装睡觉/失去知觉和 Vern 假装死了之间的微妙区别。这一次，他显然是在装死，在他看来，只有当他犯了严重的错误时，他才会表现出这种表现。从嘴角伸出的舌头在Vern被从床上拖出来并躺在通道的地板上后得到了证明。
'What's he playing at?' shouted Viking after noticing the 'dead' Vern breathing heavily at the stomach. “他在玩什么？”维京在注意到“死去的”弗恩在肚子上大口呼吸后喊道。
'He's dead, sir,' said Boggo with a broad grin after thoroughly exploring the pockets of Vern's running shorts. “他死了，先生，”博戈在彻底探索了弗恩的跑步短裤口袋后，露出了灿烂的笑容。
'Dead?' cried Viking indignantly. 'What do you mean he's dead, Greenstein?' “死了？”维京人愤愤不平地喊道。“你什么意思，他死了，格林斯坦？”
'Nothing serious, sir,' replied Boggo. 'He's died quite a few times before.' “没什么大不了的，先生，”博戈回答说。“他以前死过很多次了。”
'Sir, he died last week at cricket practice after dropping a catch,' added Garlic, his soulful blue eyes filled with concern. “先生，他上周在板球训练中摔了一跤，”大蒜补充道，他深情的蓝眼睛充满了担忧。
'He dies all the time,' agreed Boggo, calmly pocketing a tube of Vern's toothpaste. “他总是死的，”博戈同意，平静地把一管Vern的牙膏装在口袋里。
'Milton!' barked Viking. 'Have you ever seen Blackadder die before? “弥尔顿！”维京人吼道。“你以前见过布莱克阿德死吗？
'Yes, sir,'I ladmitted. “是的，先生，”我承认了。
'But he's feigning death. I mean, clearly the boy is breathing,' barked our housemaster while examining Vern at close quarters. He began prodding and kicking Vern's limp body with the toe of his shoe. His plan B was “但他在装死。我的意思是，很明显，这个男孩在呼吸，“我们的管家在近距离检查Vern时咆哮道。他开始用鞋头戳和踢Vern软绵绵的身体。他的B计划是
to fill a glass of water which he hurled in Vern's face. Other than a loud shout of 'Ol', Vern didn't return to life. 装满一杯水，他往弗恩的脸上泼了一口。除了大声喊了一声“Ol”之外，Vern没有复活。
'See what I mean, sir,' said Boggo. 'Once Vern decides to die it's not easy bringing him back to life.' “明白我的意思，先生，”博戈说。“一旦Vern决定死，让他起死回生并不容易。
'This is preposterous!' boomed Viking, raising his hands to the heavens. He ordered the prefects and Boggo to deal with the matter and for Vern to see him in his office once he was alive again. “这太荒谬了！”维京人大声喊道，双手举向天空。他吩咐省长和博戈处理此事，并让弗恩在他再次活着后去他的办公室见他。
After lengthy debate, Vern's body was taken to the san and after a thorough check-up by Sister Collins, his corpse was deemed to be in rude health and as such he was given a private ward in the sanatorium. 经过长时间的辩论，弗恩的尸体被带到疗养院，经过柯林斯修女的彻底检查，他的尸体被认为健康状况不佳，因此他被安排在疗养院的私人病房。
Saturday 27th February 2月27日星期六
Took three wickets and scored 23 runs for the firsts today. Unfortunately, we were playing at Waterfall whose team The Guv quite rightly said were about as threatening as a bowl of cornflakes. Simon scored 104 not out and Rambo took three wickets in a single over. It's excellent to have The Guv back as coach. I'm convinced that I always reserve my best cricket for when he's watching. Perhaps it's just that he is the only master who's had any faith in my bowling. Good news, too, is that he didn't once mention his death by gangrene or syphilis except with reference to wilfully passing the disease on to the aggressive blonde lady who repeatedly barked threatening instructions to Waterfall in a strident voice from the stands. 拿下了三个三柱门，今天第一次打进了 23 分。不幸的是，我们在瀑布球场打球，他们的球队 The Guv 非常正确地说，他们就像一碗玉米片一样具有威胁性。西蒙打出104分，兰博单杆打进3球。让 The Guv 回来担任教练真是太好了。我深信，我总是把我最好的板球留到他看的时候。也许只是他是唯一一个对我的保龄球有信心的大师。好消息是，他一次也没有提到自己死于坏疽或梅毒，除了提到故意将疾病传染给这位咄咄逼人的金发女士，她反复在看台上用尖锐的声音向瀑布发出威胁性的指令。
Sunday 28th February 2月28日星期日
Rambo put his foot down at the prefects' meeting with Viking and demanded an explanation as to the whereabouts of Missing Eggwhite. Bizarrely, it seems that our housemaster was under the impression that Missing Eggwhite had returned to school some weeks 兰博在与维京的省长会议上放下了脚步，并要求解释失踪的蛋清的下落。奇怪的是，我们的舍监似乎以为失踪的蛋清已经回到学校几个星期了
ago and was fulfilling his duties. 前，正在履行他的职责。
'Have you actually seen him, sir?' asked Simon. Viking was astonished by our lack of faith in Missing Eggwhite's presence and claimed to have had a telephonic meeting with him about his lack of academic progress on Friday morning. I duly informed our housemaster that personally I haven't once laid eyes on him this entire year and as far as I was concerned he hasn't completed a single prefect's duty. This puzzled Viking greatly and he scratched away at his beard with some savagery. “你真的见过他吗，先生？”西蒙问。维京人对我们对失踪的蛋清的存在缺乏信心感到惊讶，并声称在周五早上与他进行了电话会议，讨论他缺乏学业进步的问题。我及时地通知了我们的舍监，就我个人而言，这一整年我都没有见过他，就我而言，他还没有完成任何级长的职责。这让维京人非常困惑，他有些野蛮地挠了挠胡须。
'So let me get this straight, Milton,' he said finally. ‘I have a living boy lying dead in the sanatorium and now you're telling me that one of my prefects is a spook?' “所以让我直截了当地说，弥尔顿，”他最后说。“我有一个活着的男孩躺在疗养院里死了，现在你告诉我我的一个级长是个幽灵？”
After more scratching, he asked, 'Who is Eggwhite's slave? 经过更多的抓挠，他问道：“谁是蛋清的奴隶？
'Near Death,' replied Simon. “快死了，”西蒙回答。
'Right!' he roared. 'Send in Near Death.' “对！”他吼道。“送来濒临死亡。”
I ordered Runt, who was eavesdropping in the cloister outside Viking's office, to summon the boy immediately. 我吩咐在维京办公室外的回廊里偷听的朗特立即召唤那个男孩。
While we waited Viking asked if there had been any repercussions of the Plaque hostage crisis. Rambo said that he had spoken to Plaque who had wisely decided not to tell his parents and was seen to be behaving fairly normally yesterday. 在我们等待的时候，维京人问牌匾人质危机是否有任何影响。兰博说，他已经和普拉克谈过了，普拉克明智地决定不告诉他的父母，昨天表现得相当正常。
'Good work, Black,' intoned Viking. 'It looks like we may have dodged a bullet there. But just in case, I'm placing young Plaque on suicide watch.' He looked at us despairingly. 'It is a heavy burden we bear, gentlemen.' “干得好，布莱克，”维京吩咐道。“看起来我们可能在那里躲过了一颗子弹。但为了以防万一，我把年轻的斑块放在自杀监视上。他绝望地看着我们。“先生们，这是我们背负的沉重负担。”
There was a timid knock. 一阵怯怯的敲门声响起。
'Come!' roared Viking and the door slowly opened. Near Death appeared ghostly white and terrified as he shuffled forward with stiff legs like Blacky on the verge of a compulsory bath. “来吧！”维京人吼道，门缓缓打开。濒临死亡看起来像幽灵一样，脸色苍白，惊恐万分，双腿僵硬地向前蹒跚而行，就像布莱克在强制洗澡的边缘一样。
'Ah, Near Death,' announced Viking, 'we would like to ask you a few questions about your prefect Eggwhite, er ... Greg Whitton.' Near Death stumbled back a pace and nodded weakly. “啊，濒临死亡，”维京宣布，“我们想问你几个关于你的蛋清级长的问题，呃......格雷格·惠顿。濒死挣扎着后退了一步，虚弱地点了点头。
'Firstly, is he at school?' asked Viking. “首先，他在学校吗？”维京问道。
'Well?' coaxed Viking after receiving no response. 'Is Eggwhite at school or not?' Near Death nodded uncertainly before squeaking out, 'Sir, I make his bed every day, sir.' “嗯？”维京人哄道，没有得到回应。“蛋清在学校吗？”濒死不确定地点了点头，然后吱吱叫道：“先生，我每天都给他铺床，先生。
'You see, gentlemen,' reasoned Viking, smacking his hands together. 'Normal service has resumed. I think your concerns about Eggwhite are unfounded, although I'll be the first to admit that he has been slouching off on his prefect's duties lately.' “你看，先生们，”维京说，双手合十。“正常服务已恢复。我认为你对蛋清的担忧是没有根据的，尽管我会第一个承认他最近一直在懒洋洋地履行他的省长职责。
Swayed by Near Death's limited explanation, Viking abruptly closed the meeting. 被濒死的有限解释所动摇，维京突然结束了会议。
By 17:05 there was no sign of Missing Eggwhite so Fatty called the roll. For once I agree with Rambo: this school is an absolute farce. 到17：05，没有蛋清失踪的迹象，所以胖子叫了卷。这一次，我同意兰博的观点：这所学校绝对是一场闹剧。
Monday 1st March 3月1日星期一
15:00 Back in Viking's office for yet another urgent meeting. Simon informed our housemaster that Missing Eggwhite had typically missed his duties yesterday, but Viking pretended not to hear him and brought up the late Vern Blackadder instead. It looks like Vern's death is becoming serious. He reckons the san sister is at the end of her tether with Vern and he's taking up valuable space in the sanatorium that could be used by a sudden deluge of autumnal flu sufferers. Despite being deceased, Vern is reportedly eating three hearty meals a day and was bust wanking by Sister Collins when she brought in his breakfast on Saturday morning. 15：00 回到维京的办公室，参加另一场紧急会议。西蒙告诉我们的管家，失踪的蛋清昨天通常缺勤，但维京假装没有听到他的话，而是提起了已故的弗恩·布莱克阿德。看起来 Vern 的死越来越严重了。他估计桑姐姐已经走到了与弗恩的尽头，他正在疗养院占用宝贵的空间，这些空间可能会被突然涌入的秋季流感患者使用。尽管已经去世，但据报道，弗恩每天吃三顿丰盛的饭菜，周六早上柯林斯修女送来早餐时，她被她吓坏了。
'The situation is absurd!' roared Viking and thumped his fist into his desk. 'If he doesn't resurrect himself I'm going to have to advise the headmaster to have his body removed from the school.' “情况太荒谬了！”维京咆哮着，用拳头砸在桌子上。“如果他不复活，我将不得不建议校长将他的尸体从学校移走。
The Crazy Eight agreed to meet at the san at 17:00 in a last minute bid to save Vern's life and school career. It would seem that the powers that be are finally running out of patience with their resident nutcase. 疯狂八人组同意在 17：00 在桑会面，以挽救 Vern 的生命和学校生涯。看来，当权者终于对他们常驻的疯子失去了耐心。
THE RESURRECTION OF RAIN MAN 雨人的复活
Until she bust him pulling his wire on Saturday morning, Sister Collins was fairly sympathetic to Vern's kicking the bucket, but since then she, too, has lost patience with the cretin. She waved her finger at us sarcastically and declared this to be his last day in the san. We filed through the sanatorium to the large room at the end of the passage where we found Vern reading in bed. When the fool noticed our arrival he flung down his comic, closed his eyes and stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. 直到星期六早上她把他拉电线揍了一顿，柯林斯姊妹对弗恩踢水桶的行为相当同情，但从那以后，她也对这个白痴失去了耐心。她讽刺地向我们挥了挥手指，宣布这是他在桑的最后一天。我们穿过疗养院，来到通道尽头的大房间，在那里我们发现弗恩在床上看书。当傻瓜注意到我们的到来时，他扔下他的漫画，闭上眼睛，把舌头从嘴角伸出来。
'Vern,' I said with much gravity, 'if you don't come back to life they're going to kick you out of the school.' There was no response from the corpse other than a short and furious rub of the nose. 'Okay, Vern,' I told him in a calm voice, 'Fatty is going to conduct a spiritual ritual to bring you back to life.' “弗恩，”我语重心长地说，“如果你不复活，他们就会把你赶出学校。尸体没有任何反应，只是短暂而愤怒地揉了揉鼻子。“好吧，弗恩，”我用平静的声音告诉他，“胖子要主持一个精神仪式，让你起死回生。
Rain Man nodded to let me know that he understood that some sort of process was under way. 雨人点了点头，让我知道他明白某种过程正在进行中。
Fatty stepped forward solemnly and began ten minutes of Red Indian chanting and sporadic movements with his hands hidden in black leather motorcycle gloves. Vern was avidly watching Fatty's performance out of the corner of his left eye but still refused to snap out of it 胖子郑重其事地走上前去，双手藏在黑色皮革摩托车手套中，开始了十分钟的红印第安人吟唱和零星的动作。弗恩正用左眼的余光热切地注视着胖子的表演，但仍然不肯从中抽离出来
even when Fatty built up to his final crescendo of "Vern arise, stand up, live and let live!' 即使当 Fat 在他最后的高潮中“Vern 起来，站起来，活着，让活着！
Outside in the corridor a vociferous yet whispered Crazy Eight argument yielded two further possibilities of reviving Vern. Rambo's plan was straight out of the Mad Dog manual. His idea was to inform Rain Man that since he was dead we had a moral duty to remove all his limbs and organs and donate them to the gutless. He seized a bread knife from the sanatorium kitchen and began sharpening it menacingly against the metal doorframe. Boggo's idea was even more ridiculous. It centred on treating Vern with fictitious electric shock treatment which, as it transpired, involved no electricity whatsoever. Boggo assured us that his technique had worked last year when Vern died suddenly in the librarian's office after it was discovered that he was in the possession of a library book 21 months overdue. We agreed to try out Boggo's approach first before calling in Rambo to begin harvesting Vern's organs. 在外面的走廊里，一阵喧闹而又低声的疯狂八号争吵产生了复活弗恩的另外两种可能性。兰博的计划直接出自《疯狗》手册。他的想法是告诉雨人，既然他已经死了，我们就有道德义务摘除他所有的四肢和器官，并将它们捐献给无内脏的人。他从疗养院的厨房里拿出一把面包刀，开始用威胁性地在金属门框上磨刀。博戈的想法更荒谬。它的核心是用虚构的电击治疗来治疗 Vern，事实证明，这种治疗不涉及任何电力。博戈向我们保证，他的技术在去年奏效了，当时弗恩在图书馆员的办公室里突然去世，因为他被发现拥有一本逾期 21 个月的图书馆书。我们同意先尝试博戈的方法，然后再叫兰博开始摘取弗恩的器官。
From the sanatorium kitchen Boggo pilfered oven gloves, from the doctor's surgery he brought a drip stand and a cord, and from the waiting room the plug from the infra-red lamp. Vern was clearly watching every single one of Boggo's movements as he tied the cord to the oven gloves and ran it over the drip stand towards the plug point on the far wall. Regrettably, there was a snag when we discovered the cord was too short to reach the wall socket and Sister Collins refused Boggo's request for an extension cord. To be honest, the fact that the entire apparatus was a ruse consisting of a loose cord, a plug and some oven gloves meant that electricity wasn't really needed at all, although Boggo was adamant that Vern wouldn't revive unless it was plugged in. After some discussion it was agreed that Fatty could create the fictitious electrical charge by placing the plug in 从疗养院的厨房里，博戈偷走了烤箱手套，从医生的手术室里，他带来了一个滴水架和一根绳子，从候诊室里拿来了红外线灯的插头。Vern 清楚地注视着 Boggo 的每一个动作，他将绳子绑在烤箱手套上，然后穿过滴水架，朝远处墙上的插头点走去。遗憾的是，当我们发现电源线太短而无法到达墙壁插座时，出现了一个障碍，柯林斯修女拒绝了博戈的延长线请求。老实说，整个设备都是一个由一根松动的电线、一个插头和一些烤箱手套组成的诡计，这意味着根本不需要电力，尽管 Boggo 坚持认为 Vern 除非插上电源，否则它不会复活。经过一番讨论，大家一致认为 Fat 可以通过插入插头来产生虚构的电荷
his underpants and pretending to let rip. Eventually, all was in readiness and Boggo shouted 'Clear!' before dramatically slamming the oven gloves onto Vern's chest and calling for Fatty to pump out a megawatt of electricity. Garlic was so overcome with laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation that he had to chew on the curtains to contain himself. Fatty made a stupid buzzing sound and Boggo shouted, 'I've got the power!' He too began making a weird buzzing sound, but within seconds Vern was sitting bolt upright in bed grinning at us. 他的内裤和假装让撕裂。最终，一切都准备就绪，Boggo大喊“清除！”，然后戏剧性地将烤箱手套砸在Vern的胸口，并要求Fatty抽出一兆瓦的电力。大蒜被这种情况的荒谬所征服，以至于他不得不咀嚼窗帘来控制自己。胖子发出愚蠢的嗡嗡声，博戈喊道：“我有力量了！他也开始发出奇怪的嗡嗡声，但几秒钟后，Vern就直立地坐在床上，对我们咧嘴一笑。
'He's alive! screamed Garlic. “他还活着！大蒜尖叫着。
We all roared in mock amazement at Vern's resurrection and Rain Man cheered along with us. He then hopped out of bed, dressed rapidly in his khakis, and followed us to dinner. After the meal we led him back to his now door-less room where he happily counted out a jar of copper coins before discussing something with his tea mug. 我们都对弗恩的复活感到惊讶，雨人也和我们一起欢呼。然后他跳下床，迅速穿上卡其布，跟着我们去吃晚饭。饭后，我们把他带回了他现在没有门的房间，在那里他高兴地数了一罐铜钱，然后用他的茶杯讨论了一些事情。
Tuesday 2nd March 3月2日星期二
Rumours have spread about Boggo's unexpected revival of Vern. The Holy Greenstein continued with his miracles in the common room when he cured Plump Graham's stomach ache by wrapping the boy's entire body in the morning newspaper for ten minutes. To cap off an excellent day by the self-styled matric messiah, he also exactly predicted the maximum temperature for Durban tomorrow: 29 degrees. Garlic was amazed by Boggo's predictions and healings and demanded to know when he might finally lose his virginity. After some meditation Boggo informed the deflated Garlic that it was impossible for even him to predict events that would take place over thirty years down the road. 关于Boggo出人意料地复兴Vern的谣言已经传播开来。神圣的格林斯坦在公共休息室继续他的奇迹，他通过用早报包裹男孩的整个身体十分钟来治愈丰满格雷厄姆的胃痛。为了给这位自封为弥赛亚的美好一天画上句号，他还准确地预测了明天德班的最高气温：29度。大蒜对博戈的预言和治疗感到惊讶，并要求知道他什么时候会最终失去童贞。经过一番沉思后，博戈告诉泄气的大蒜，即使是他也无法预测三十年后将要发生的事件。
Friday 5th March 3月5日星期五
Another letter from Sarah Silver: 莎拉·西尔弗（Sarah Silver）的另一封信：
Dear John (Ha ha sorry that gets me every time!) 亲爱的约翰（哈哈对不起，每次都让我失望！
Okay I didn't get a response from you and I sent my last letter nearly two weeks ago and I would have expected you to respond in this time unless you have and it got lost in the post or you sent it to the wrong address or perhaps you didn't get my original letter because it went to the wrong school or something anyway I have had this sort of problem with boys before so I was just checking to see that you weren't just being a pig and not returning my letters. Anyway we'll be at the Arcade party in PMB on Saturday night so if you aren't there or if you don't phone me by the time I leave tomorrow then I'm going to take your silence to mean that our relationship is over. 好吧，我没有收到你的回复，我在将近两周前寄出了最后一封信，我希望你能在这段时间回复，除非你有，但它在邮件中丢失了，或者你把它寄错了地址，或者你没有收到我的原始信，因为它去了错误的学校或其他什么，无论如何，我以前和男孩有过这种问题所以我只是在检查你不只是一头猪，不回我的信。不管怎样，我们周六晚上会参加PMB的街机派对，所以如果你不在，或者你明天离开的时候你没有给我打电话，那么我会把你的沉默当作我们的关系结束。
I miss you John Milton. 我想念你约翰·弥尔顿。
Sarah Silver 莎拉·西尔弗
When I don't arrive at the Arcade party tomorrow night she'll hopefully kiss some other poor sod and stop sending me demanding and disturbing letters. 当我明天晚上没有到达街机派对时，她希望能亲吻其他一些可怜的草皮，并停止给我寄那些苛刻和令人不安的信件。
18:00 An ugly fight broke out at the hot chocolate machine in the dining hall between two seniors from Barnes House. A tall stringy third year called Dobie's Itch kicked the machine because it kept filling up his cup with hot water instead of hot chocolate. A stocky matric with a big chest and spiky hair called Ice Tray took exception to this and punched Dobie's Itch in the face, causing a near riot. Thankfully, it was the Larson House duty week so they had to sort out the chaos. Rambo says Ice Tray will probably be the first team loose head prop this season. What with him and Rambo in the forward pack there should be no shortage of menacing aggression and severe injuries for the opposition. 18：00 巴恩斯之家的两名老年人在食堂的热巧克力机上爆发了一场丑陋的战斗。一个名叫Dobie's Itch的高大三年级学生踢了机器，因为它一直在用热水而不是热巧克力装满他的杯子。一个身材魁梧、胸脯粗壮、头发尖尖的家伙，名叫冰盘，对此不以为然，一拳打在了多比的脸上，引发了一场近乎骚乱的骚乱。值得庆幸的是，这是拉尔森之家的值班周，所以他们必须解决混乱。兰博说，冰盘可能是本赛季第一个松散的头球道具。有他和兰博在前锋包里，对手应该不乏威胁性的侵略性和严重的伤病。
Saturday 6th March 3月6日星期六
Excellent news is that after a dodgy start to the season, the 1 st cricket team is gaining some momentum at last. With Simon scoring yet another century in the morning, St Nicholas collapsed to 77 all out in the early afternoon, with Stinky taking six wickets with his steady in-swingers. I can't help feeling that our side has always taken the long route to glory, even in the early days of U14 when we relied on the fiery pace and insanely long run-up of Mad Dog to scare opposition batsmen out. It's also fairly obvious that when Simon makes runs we seem invincible, and when he doesn't the rest of us melt like chocolate firemen. Next week is the big showdown at King's College with two unbeaten sides duelling to the death and if Simon continues his excellent form we must have a serious chance of causing an upset. The Guv set the tone for the crunch game next Saturday by barging into the change room after the match and bellowing, 'Now that was a game of cricket!' He banged the point of his shooting stick into the concrete floor and said, 'A performance on that level next week and we'll treat ourselves to a night in a brothel.' Before leaving, The Guv shook Simon's hand and admitted that for once he was lost for words and superlatives to describe his innings. He left with a great smile on his face and a stern reminder not to leave any floaters in the toilets. 好消息是，在经历了本赛季的狡猾开局之后，第一板球队终于获得了一些动力。随着西蒙在上午再度得分，圣尼古拉斯在下午早些时候将比分缩小到77分，臭臭用他稳定的内线球员拿下了6个三柱门。我不禁感慨，我们的球队一直走在通往荣耀的漫长道路上，即使在U14的早期，我们依靠疯狗的火热速度和疯狂的长跑来吓跑对手的击球手。同样很明显的是，当西蒙跑起来时，我们似乎是无敌的，而当他不跑时，我们其他人就像巧克力消防员一样融化了。下周将在国王学院进行一场大决战，两支不败球队将展开生死对决，如果西蒙继续保持出色的状态，我们一定有很大的机会爆冷。Guv为下周六的紧要比赛定下了基调，他在比赛结束后闯入更衣室并咆哮道：“现在这是一场板球比赛！他把射击棒的尖端砸在水泥地上，说：“下周有这样的表演，我们会在妓院里过夜。在离开之前，古夫握了握西蒙的手，并承认他这一次迷失了用语言和最高级的词语来形容他的局。他离开时脸上带着灿烂的笑容，并严厉提醒不要在厕所里留下任何漂浮物。
Besides taking a simple catch, I had very little to do with today's victory and yet just being part of the team that has done well was enough to make me feel like I had scored the century myself. Usually I feel insecure when I have a bad or anonymous day on the cricket field but today I felt jubilant. 除了简单的接球之外，我与今天的胜利几乎没有什么关系，但仅仅成为表现出色的球队的一员就足以让我觉得我自己打进了这个世纪。通常，当我在板球场上度过糟糕或匿名的一天时，我会感到不安全，但今天我感到欢欣鼓舞。
21:00 Boggo has cashed in on his status as the house guru and Nostradamus. He charged a number of eager 21：00 博戈已经兑现了他作为房子大师和诺查丹玛斯的地位。他嘱咐了几位热心的
juniors to hear his 'Pontifications from the Piss Trough' which was a brief yet graphic lecture on seduction delivered from the step of the urinal. 晚辈们可以听他的“小便槽中的教皇”，这是一个简短而生动的关于诱惑的演讲，从小便池的台阶上讲授。
Sunday 7th March 3月7日星期日
Fierce banging on my door revealed the excited face of Fatty. 猛烈的敲门声露出了胖子兴奋的脸。
'I suppose you heard the news about the matric dance?' he panted. “我想你听说过关于母校舞会的消息吧？”他气喘吁吁地说。
'What about it?' I replied with sudden tension in my voice. “那又如何？”我回答道，声音突然紧张起来。
'It's been brought forward this year to avoid clashing with trials and finals.' “今年提前了，以避免与选拔赛和决赛发生冲突。”
'How far forward?' I asked, my mouth suddenly dry and tasting of acid. “往前走了多远？”我问道，我的嘴巴突然干涩，尝到了酸味。
'June,' replied Fatty. 'And it's not happening at school like normal but at the Capitol Towers hotel in Maritzburg. “六月，”胖子回答。“而且它不是像往常一样在学校发生，而是在马里茨堡的国会大厦酒店。
If I had known that the matric dance was just three months away I might have persisted with Sarah Silver. However, after not replying to her letters and skipping the Arcade party last night, my goose must be well and truly cooked. It took considerable effort to drive the matric dance fear out of my mind and although I eventually succeeded my hands trembled for the rest of the afternoon and evening. 如果我知道距离母校舞会只有三个月的时间，我可能会坚持和莎拉·西尔弗在一起。然而，在昨晚没有回复她的信并跳过街机派对之后，我的鹅一定已经煮熟了。我花了相当大的力气才把对母校舞蹈的恐惧从我的脑海中赶走，虽然我最终成功了，但我的手在下午和晚上剩下的时间里都在颤抖。
Monday 8th March 3月8日星期一
Double Afrikaans: Mongrel made us watch a disturbing documentary about shark attack victims which had been badly dubbed into Afrikaans. Thereafter he listed six ways to kill a great white shark should you ever find yourself attacked while surfing or swimming. One doubts whether strangling a great white with the leash 双重南非荷兰语：Mongrel 让我们观看了一部关于鲨鱼袭击受害者的令人不安的纪录片，这部纪录片被糟糕地配音成南非荷兰语。此后，他列出了六种杀死大白鲨的方法，如果你在冲浪或游泳时发现自己受到攻击。有人怀疑是否用皮带勒死了一只大白鲨
of your surfboard, or plunging your snorkel up its anus would achieve much other than to rile up a two ton psychopath with big teeth and a short temper. Mongrel didn't think much of our sniggering and by way of revenge has banned English from being spoken in his classroom for the rest of the year. With people like Mongrel teaching the nation's youth, I'm not surprised that South Africa is such a violent country. 你的冲浪板，或者把你的呼吸管插到它的肛门上，除了激怒一个两吨重的、牙齿大、脾气暴躁的精神病患者之外，还有别的效果。Mongrel对我们的嘲笑并不以为然，为了报复，他禁止在今年剩下的时间里在课堂上说英语。有像蒙格雷尔这样的人教这个国家的年轻人，我对南非是一个如此暴力的国家并不感到惊讶。
Another one! (Sent by Fastmail) 再来一个！（由Fastmail发送）
Dear John (Okay not so funny any more) 亲爱的约翰（好吧，不再那么有趣了）
I know you weren't at the Arcade party because I looked for you everywhere and obviously you weren't there despite all my efforts to get in touch. I can handle rejection, but I can't handle being ignored by someone who should count themselves lucky that I was with them in the first place. I hope you're feeling guilty because you have screwed me up so much that I can't go to school any more and everyone is thinking I'm a freak because I found a picture of you in your school magazine from last year when you were dressed in a tutu and playing a girl in the school play. I stabbed your eyes out with a pencil and set fire to the magazine in the library which got me in some more shit with Mrs Lambson. (I hate her guts just like I hate yours!) 我知道你没有参加街机派对，因为我到处找你，显然你不在那里，尽管我尽了一切努力取得联系。我可以忍受拒绝，但我无法忍受被那些应该认为自己很幸运的人忽视，因为我一开始就和他们在一起。我希望你感到内疚，因为你把我搞砸了，以至于我不能再去上学了，每个人都认为我是个怪胎，因为我在你的学校杂志上发现了一张你去年的照片，当时你穿着芭蕾舞短裙，在学校戏剧中扮演一个女孩。我用铅笔捅了你的眼睛，放火烧了图书馆里的杂志，这让我和兰布森太太又多了点麻烦。（我讨厌她的胆量，就像我讨厌你的胆量一样！
I kissed two boys on Saturday because I wanted you to feel jealous but they didn't mean anything to me like you do. You are different because you are beautiful and evil. 星期六我吻了两个男孩，因为我想让你感到嫉妒，但他们对我没有任何意义，就像你一样。你是不同的，因为你是美丽的，也是邪恶的。
Sarah Silver 莎拉·西尔弗
Reasons for feeling disturbed: 感到不安的原因：
It was sent by Fastmail. 它是由Fastmail发送的。
I'm starting to feel like Michael Douglas does in most of his movies. 我开始觉得迈克尔·道格拉斯（Michael Douglas）在他的大多数电影中都是这样做的。
SS is clearly a psychopath. 党卫军显然是一个精神病患者。
The final two lines appear to be written either in red ink or blood. 最后两行似乎是用红墨水或血写的。
Her admission of stabbing my eyes out with a pencil. 她承认用铅笔刺了我的眼睛。
I love you forever??????? 我永远爱你？？？？？？？
Not a single (Ha Ha). Things are becoming serious. 没有一个（哈哈）。事情正在变得严重。
I decided to bite the bullet and call a Crazy Eight crisis meeting at 21:00. To curry favour and improve the general mood, I splashed out at the tuck shop, buying tea, bread, butter and cheese as cop shop provisions are as per usual dismally low. Simon has also been complaining about non-prefects repeatedly using the prefects' chow and facilities. Further aggravating the situation is that Garlic ruined the toaster after electrocuting himself while attempting to fish a half slice of toast out of the appliance with a metal fork. 我决定咬紧牙关，在 21：00 召开 Crazy Eight 危机会议。为了讨好和改善整体情绪，我在小卖部大肆挥霍，买了茶、面包、黄油和奶酪，因为警察商店的供应像往常一样低得令人沮丧。西蒙也一直在抱怨非省长反复使用省长的食物和设施。使情况更加恶化的是，大蒜在试图用金属叉子从设备中捞出半片吐司时触电身亡后毁坏了烤面包机。
21:00 There was widespread mockery when I alerted the gathered crowd to the fact that I had a stalker. It wasn't until Boggo read yesterday's letter that the atmosphere changed and snide comments turned to astonished interest. Even Rambo studied the letters closely and Fatty ran his tongue over where Sarah Silver had inscribed her name in red and vouched that it was definitely human blood. 21：00 当我提醒聚集的人群我有一个跟踪者时，人们普遍嘲笑。直到博戈读了昨天的信，气氛才发生了变化，冷嘲热讽的评论变成了惊讶的兴趣。就连兰博也仔细研究了这些字母，胖子用舌头舔了舔莎拉·西尔弗用红色刻上她名字的地方，并保证这绝对是人类的血液。
Crazy Eight Advice 疯狂的八条建议
SIMON says I should continue to ignore her and if her letters and general stalking continue then I should alert The Glock and the police. 西蒙说我应该继续无视她，如果她的信件和一般的跟踪继续下去，那么我应该提醒格洛克和警察。
RAMBO is so interested in Sarah Silver that he has offered to take her off my hands. This may sound radical but it certainly makes for a neat solution. 兰博对莎拉·西尔弗非常感兴趣，以至于他提出要把她从我手中夺走。这听起来可能很激进，但它肯定是一个简洁的解决方案。
FATTY called Sarah Silver demonic and feels that she may need a spiritual intervention. He reckoned her initials SS (Satan's Sister) were proof of supernatural evil. 胖子称莎拉·西尔弗为恶魔，并觉得她可能需要精神干预。他认为她的首字母SS（撒旦的妹妹）是超自然邪恶的证据。
BOGGO reckons there is no point in being stalked unless you get some primitive sex out of the bargain. His advice is to write her an apology letter and pretend to have been seriously ill in the san for the last three weeks. I should then invite her to watch me play cricket after which I should give her 'a hot beef injection' behind the scoreboard. BOGGO认为，除非你从交易中得到一些原始的性行为，否则被跟踪是没有意义的。他的建议是给她写一封道歉信，并假装过去三周在桑病得很重。然后我应该邀请她看我打板球，然后我应该在记分牌后面给她“热牛肉注射”。
GARLIC: 'Invite her to Lake Malawi to test her out!' VERN was livid with Sarah Silver's letters and tried to throw them into the fire. If it wasn't for Boggo's dramatic intervention my evidence for a possible police investigation could have been destroyed. 大蒜：“邀请她去马拉维湖测试一下！VERN对莎拉·西尔弗（Sarah Silver）的信很生气，并试图把它们扔进火里。如果不是博戈的戏剧性干预，我可能被警方调查的证据可能会被销毁。
The gathering ended at when Viking broke up the party and said that we were making too much noise and setting a bad example. I returned to my room through the cold drizzle to write up the results and for a review of the situation. 聚会结束时 ，维京人解散了聚会，并说我们制造了太多的噪音，树立了一个坏榜样。我冒着寒冷的细雨回到房间，写下结果并审查情况。
Albert Schweitzer left a hot water bottle in my bed. Slaves rule! Albert Schweitzer在我的床上留下了一个热水瓶。奴隶统治！
Tuesday 9th March 3月9日星期二
A rumour was circling at breakfast that a first year in Larson House called Tampon Thompson tried to kill himself this morning by leaping out of his dormitory window before the rising siren. The boy broke his arm in the fall but escaped more serious injuries. 早餐时有传言说，拉森学院（Larson House）的一年级学生唐彭·汤普森（Tampon Thompson）今天早上试图在警笛声响起之前从宿舍窗户跳下自杀。这名男孩在摔倒时摔断了胳膊，但逃脱了更严重的伤害。
'Nickname like that, I'd also commit suicide,' snorted Boggo, scooping ants out of the sugar bowl. “这样的绰号，我也会自杀的，”博戈哼了一声，从糖碗里舀出蚂蚁。
'Viking is going to give birth when he hears about this,' added Simon, munching furiously on his muesli. “维京人一听说这件事就要生孩子了，”西蒙一边疯狂地咀嚼着麦片，一边补充道。
13:30 Word at lunch is that Tampon Thompson definitely tried to commit suicide. If it weren't for the 13：30 午餐时有消息说，卫生棉条汤普森肯定试图自杀。如果不是
quick thinking of a third year called Fungus who, inspired by Viking's infamous suicide directives, thumped Tampon on the head with a cricket bat and locked him in his army trunk, the boy might actually have succeeded in doing himself in. Rumour has it that Tampon's folks have already removed all his stuff and that he's leaving for good. Predictably, the school has denied everything and The Glock later announced that the boy had fallen out of his window by accident. (Where have we heard that one before?) 快速想到一个叫 Fungus 的三年级学生，他受到维京人臭名昭著的自杀指令的启发，用板球棒砸了卫生棉条的头，并将他锁在军用行李箱里，这个男孩实际上可能已经成功地做到了自己。有传言说，卫生棉条的人已经拿走了他所有的东西，他将永远离开。不出所料，学校否认了一切，格洛克后来宣布这个男孩不小心从窗户掉了下来。（我们以前在哪里听说过？
14:30 The Guv organised a practice match between the 1 sts and 2 nds. Although there wasn't really enough time for a full match we were well on top when he called a halt to proceedings shortly before , declaring that it had become too dark for him to see. Since the sun was still shining and The Guv was wearing his dark glasses, I would have to presume that he wasn't joking about having two Bulgarian prostitutes trapped in his wine cellar. 14：30 Guv 组织了 1 名和 2 名之间的练习赛。虽然没有足够的时间进行完整的比赛，但当他不久前 叫停比赛时，我们取得了领先，宣布天太黑了，他看不见。由于阳光明媚，古夫戴着墨镜，我不得不假设他不是在开玩笑说有两个保加利亚被困在他的酒窖里。
There was a sense of intensity among the members of the team and our fielding looked sharp and threatening. To beat King's College at King's College would really be something. The only real setback is being invited/ coerced into a team building braai at The Glock's house tomorrow night. 队员们有一种紧张的感觉，我们的场上看起来很犀利，很有威胁。在国王学院击败国王学院真的是一件大事。唯一真正的挫折是明天晚上被邀请/胁迫参加格洛克家的团队建筑烤肉。
Wednesday 10th March 3月10日星期三
In my epic dream I was heroically saving numerous scantily clad schoolgirls at a burning St Catherine's school. After discovering that the scorching flames and smoke had no effect on me whatsoever, I kept charging back into the inferno to rescue yet more top drawer schoolgirls before carrying them through the flames to the admiring crowd of beauties who screamed and 在我史诗般的梦境中，我英勇地拯救了许多衣着暴露的圣凯瑟琳学校的女学生。在发现灼热的火焰和烟雾对我没有任何影响后，我继续冲回地狱，营救更多的顶级女学生，然后把她们带到火焰中，看到一群羡慕的美女尖叫着，