swooned whenever I appeared with another sexy victim in my arms. On the final deadly, mission I scaled a turret, only to find Amanda stretched out on her bed in black lingerie and looking incredibly seductive. I was about to show her a few sparks of my own but a loud banging on my door yanked me out of Amanda's room and back to mine. It was Schweitzer with a large mug of tea and the morning newspaper. 每当我怀里抱着另一个性感的受害者出现时，我都会昏迷。在最后一项致命的任务中，我爬上了一座炮塔，却发现阿曼达穿着黑色内衣躺在床上，看起来非常诱人。我正要向她展示我自己的一些火花，但一声响亮的敲门声把我从阿曼达的房间里拉了出来，回到了我的房间。是Schweitzer，拿着一大杯茶和早报。
08:00 Viking's prefects' meeting was far better than expected. Our housemaster was surprisingly in an excellent mood and confessed that Tampon Thompson's attempted suicide yesterday had in fact set him free from his terrible premonition about a naked boy taking his own life. The fact that the incident occurred on another housemaster's watch delighted Viking. He even apologised for excessively harping on the subject and promised not to bring it up again. 'Now we can all focus our energies on the really important things,' he said, 'like winning house trophies! 08：00 维京省长会议比预期的要好得多。我们的舍监出人意料地心情很好，他承认卫生棉条汤普森昨天的自杀未遂实际上使他摆脱了对一个裸体男孩自杀的可怕预感。这起事件发生在另一位管家的手表上，这一事实让维京人感到高兴。他甚至为过度喋喋不休地谈论这个话题而道歉，并承诺不再提起它。“现在我们都可以把精力集中在真正重要的事情上，”他说，“比如赢得学院奖杯！
THE GLOCK'S CRICKET PARTY 格洛克的板球派对
The Glock made the fatal error of inviting Sparerib along on the flimsy premise that he had filled in while The Guv was away. The Guv arrived in a jolly mood, smelling of blue cheese and whisky. He took me aside on The Glock's patio and whispered, 'I'm as pissed as a Sicilian sausage dog, Milton. Would you be so kind as to guide this syphilitic old spirit to the nearest armchair?' 格洛克犯了一个致命的错误，他邀请斯帕雷里布一起去，前提是他在古夫不在的时候填补了这个脆弱的前提。Guv 带着愉快的心情来到这里，闻起来有蓝纹奶酪和威士忌的味道。他把我拉到格洛克家的露台上，低声说：“我就像一只西西里香肠狗一样生气，米尔顿。你能好心地把这个梅毒的老灵魂带到最近的扶手椅上吗？
'Good to see you're on the mend, Edly,' commented the headmaster as he sidled past us wearing a white apron emblazoned with the school's insignia and carrying a large tray of steak. “很高兴看到你正在好转，埃德利，”校长评论道，他穿着印有学校徽章的白色围裙，端着一大盘牛排从我们身边走过。
'I live, headmaster, I live,' replied The Guv. He raised his goblet of red wine skyward and announced, 'To kill “我活着，校长，我活着，”古夫回答说。他举起他的红酒杯，宣布：“杀人
the king.' Sparerib joined The Glock at the fire and the rest of us sat with The Guv on the patio where he entertained us with stories of his Moroccan hashish holidays in the 1960s. 国王。Sparerib 在火堆旁加入了 The Glock，我们其他人和 The Guv 一起坐在露台上，他用他在 1960 年代摩洛哥大麻假期的故事招待我们。
After a poorly timed visit to the bathroom, I found myself sandwiched between Sparerib and The Glock at the dinner table. The Glock is the slowest eater and frequently pauses as if considering the fate of somebody before slipping a carefully trimmed fork load into his mouth and chewing relentlessly. To make matters worse, he surprised me at odd intervals with unexpected questions that forced me onto the back foot. 在一次不合时宜的洗手间之后，我发现自己在餐桌上被夹在Sparerib和The Glock之间。格洛克是吃得最慢的，经常停下来，好像在考虑某人的命运，然后把一个精心修剪过的叉子塞进嘴里，无情地咀嚼。更糟糕的是，他每隔一段时间就会提出意想不到的问题，让我感到惊讶，迫使我退缩。
'Problems with my steak, Milton?' he asked as he shiftily eyed out my lack of eating progress. Admittedly, Sparerib's poor table manners to the left were hardly aiding my appetite, although I must say the idea of hovering your face a few centimetres above your plate and then scoffing ridiculously fast does mean that you don't have to worry about being included in any dismal conversations. “我的牛排有问题吗，米尔顿？”他问道，同时他转过头来盯着我吃饭的进展。诚然，Sparerib 在左边糟糕的餐桌礼仪几乎无助于我的胃口，尽管我必须说，将你的脸悬停在盘子上方几厘米处，然后以可笑的速度嘲笑的想法确实意味着你不必担心被包括在任何令人沮丧的谈话中。
'What's your approach going to be in the early overs on Saturday, Milton?' I wasn't exactly sure what the headmaster meant because I never bowl or bat in the early overs anyway. In the end I opted for 'Keep things tight, sir.' The Glock nodded and chewed before nodding some more. “米尔顿，你在周六的比赛中会采取什么方法？”我不太确定校长的意思，因为无论如何，我从不在前轮比赛中打保龄球或击球。最后，我选择了“保持紧张，先生”。格洛克点了点头，咀嚼了一下，然后又点了点头。
'You have a swimming pool where you live?' “你住的地方有游泳池吗？”
'Yes, sir,' I replied. “是的，先生，”我回答说。
The Glock seemed surprised by this and things fell silent once more. 格洛克似乎对此感到惊讶，事情再次陷入沉默。
We waited forever for the headmaster to finish eating his seconds as he had already announced that he wanted to address the team after his meal. The speech, when it did come, was certainly not worth waiting for. It 我们一直等着校长吃完他的第二秒，因为他已经宣布他想在饭后向团队发表讲话。演讲，当它真的到来时，当然不值得等待。它
began promisingly enough when he congratulated us for remaining unbeaten thus far, but undid the earlier good work by openly doubting whether we had the mental stamina to pull off an upset at King's College. I'm sure if The Guv hadn't fallen asleep in his chair he would have been outraged by the headmaster's goading and lack of good faith. Sparerib said nothing other than nodding to whatever The Glock was railing on about. Rambo quite rightly accused Sparerib of being an oxygen thief and a lead balloon at parties. 当他祝贺我们到目前为止保持不败时，他开始了充满希望的准备，但由于公开怀疑我们是否有精神耐力在国王学院爆冷，从而破坏了之前的良好工作。我敢肯定，如果古夫没有在椅子上睡着了，他会被校长的怂恿和缺乏诚意所激怒。Sparerib什么也没说，只是对格洛克的抨击点了点头。兰博非常正确地指责斯帕雷里布是氧气窃贼和派对上的铅气球。
It was a great relief to be out of the headmaster's mansion. As we left the gate Simon called the team together under the lemon tree and told us to ignore what we had just heard and take revenge on the headmaster by thumping King's College on Saturday. Rambo reckoned that he had already taken revenge against The Glock and showed us a bottle of expensive looking whisky that he had pilfered from the headmaster's drinks cabinet during his marathon eating stint. 离开校长府，真是如释重负。当我们离开大门时，西蒙在柠檬树下召集了团队，并告诉我们不要理会我们刚刚听到的事情，并在星期六通过殴打国王学院来报复校长。兰博认为他已经报复了格洛克，并向我们展示了一瓶看起来很昂贵的威士忌，这是他在马拉松式吃饭期间从校长的饮料柜里偷来的。
Saturday 13th March 3月13日星期六
KING'S COLLEGE
Simon won the toss and chose to bat on a sweltering day in Pietermaritzburg. We lost Rhino Jarvis in the first over to a ropy lbw decision by the opposition coach/ umpire but good karma soon followed for us when The Guv gave Martin Leslie not out after Leslie appeared to snick the ball to first slip. Unfortunately, he was clean bowled three balls later and we were looking iffy at 6-2 with karma and momentum swinging back the way of King"s College. 西蒙赢得了比赛，并选择在彼得马里茨堡闷热的日子里击球。我们在第一回合就失去了犀牛贾维斯，因为对方教练/裁判员的粗暴判罚，但好业力很快就来了，当 The Guv 在 Leslie 似乎将球偷走后，我们没有让 Martin Leslie 出局。不幸的是，他在三个球之后净利落地投球，我们以 6-2 的比分看起来很不稳定，因果报应和势头又回到了国王学院的方式。
Simon didn't appear to notice that the King's opening bowler was the quickest in the province or that we were 西蒙似乎没有注意到国王的开场投球手是全省最快的，或者我们是
in dire need of consolidation and began blitzing their bowlers to all parts of the field. Most of the 1500 boys of King's College crowded the ground in their school uniforms and grew increasingly glum as soon became 102-2 with Simon on 71 and the newly promoted Omo Pringle holding firm at the other end with a timid but steady 16 not out. Simon drank a disturbing amount of Oros at the tea break before returning to the crease and producing a flurry of shots to show the King's bowlers that he was only just getting started. The Guv took the five minute break to pay his respects to my folks and slot back a gin and tonic. Thereafter he moved in a weird skipping motion back to his position at square leg. 急需整合，并开始将他们的投球手闪电战到球场的各个部分。国王学院的1500名男生中，大多数都穿着校服挤在地面上， 很快就变得越来越闷闷不乐，西蒙以71比102领先，新晋升的奥莫·普林格尔（Omo Pringle）在另一端稳居榜首，以胆怯但稳定的16分没有出局。西蒙在茶歇时喝了大量令人不安的奥罗斯，然后回到折痕处并制作了一连串的投篮，向国王的投球手表明他才刚刚开始。Guv 休息了五分钟，向我的乡亲们表示敬意，并喝了一杯杜松子酒和补品。此后，他以一个奇怪的跳跃动作回到了他在方腿上的位置。
We declared our innings closed at lunch with a score of 223-6 with Simon making a whopping 121 runs. King's had clearly been emotionally damaged by Simon's genius innings. They prodded and poked around, scoring just 23 runs in the first hour. It became increasingly obvious that they were playing for the draw and had given up on attempting to chase down our total. Their ultradefensive tactics and lack of interest in scoring runs meant that half the crowd lost interest too, and the other half melted away to spade girls and visit the tuck shop. After exhausting all other possible options, Simon signalled for me to warm up to bowl. I began to swing my arms in a circle and a loud cheer followed by a short yet lively toot of the horn sounded from my father's car. The sight of me warming up to bowl created instant activity with my parents. Mom ran around the boundary line and presumably went to the loo while Dad obviously didn't think anyone would see him disappearing into the small clump of bushes behind the scoreboard. By the time I had finished marking out my run-up they had already charged their glasses. 我们在午餐时宣布我们的比赛以 223-6 的比分结束，西蒙打出了惊人的 121 分。国王显然在情感上被西蒙的天才局伤害了。他们四处捅捅蹬蹭，第一个小时只跑了23分。越来越明显的是，他们正在为平局而战，并且已经放弃了追逐我们的总分的尝试。他们超强的防守战术和对得分缺乏兴趣意味着一半的观众也失去了兴趣，而另一半则融化了，去铲女孩子并参观褶皱店。在用尽了所有其他可能的选择后，西蒙示意我热身打保龄球。我开始摆动双臂转圈，一阵响亮的欢呼声响起，接着是我父亲的车里传来的短促而活泼的喇叭声。看到我为保龄球热身，我和父母立即一起活动。妈妈绕着边界线跑来跑去，大概是去了厕所，而爸爸显然不认为有人会看到他消失在记分牌后面的一小丛灌木丛中。当我完成我的助跑标记时，他们已经为他们的眼镜充电了。
I ran in, hoping that my first ball wouldn't prove an 我跑了进去，希望我的第一个球不会被证明是
embarrassment. It did, but the batsman missed the high looping full toss and the ball cannoned into middle stump. Mad hysteria broke out at my parents' car while a subdued groan echoed around the rest of the ground. 困窘。它做到了，但击球手错过了高循环全抛，球被炮轰进了中间的树桩。疯狂的歇斯底里在我父母的车上爆发，而低沉的呻吟声在地面的其他地方回荡。
After eight overs of bowling I had taken five wickets. By the end of the day I had taken 6-57 and King's were bowled out for just 93. I didn't even care that Mom came into the change room while boys were showering. For once I had struck leg spinning gold and I was determined to relish the moment. 打了八轮保龄球后，我打了五个三柱门。到一天结束时，我以 6-57 的成绩被淘汰，而国王队只以 93 杆被淘汰。我什至不在乎妈妈在男孩们洗澡时走进更衣室。有一次，我击中了腿部旋转的金子，我决心享受这一刻。
The Guv took us out drinking and I remember Rambo forcing tequilas down my throat at a pub that smelled of lemons and fried fish. The Guv also kept his promise about taking us to a brothel but the bouncer at the door wouldn't let us in because he reckoned Spearmint didn't look eighteen and I didn't even look fourteen. At that moment the police pulled up and asked The Guv what he was up to with a busload of schoolboys at an escort agency on a Saturday night. Guv 带我们出去喝酒，我记得兰博在一家闻起来有柠檬和炸鱼味的酒吧里把龙舌兰酒塞进我的喉咙里。古夫还信守诺言，带我们去妓院，但门口的保镖不让我们进去，因为他认为留兰香看起来不到十八岁，我甚至看起来都不到十四岁。就在这时，警察停了下来，问古夫周六晚上在一家护送机构里和一大群男生在做什么。
'We're the King's College choir!' he announced to the policeman. 'Come on, boys. Onward Christian soldiers!' With that he led us back to the bus and after stalling it twice and badly grating the gears we drove off hooting and singing the school hymn. “我们是国王学院的合唱团！”他对警察说。“来吧，孩子们。前进的基督徒士兵！说完，他带我们回到公共汽车上，在熄火两次并严重磨碎齿轮后，我们开车离开了，大声喧哗，唱着校歌。
Sunday 14th March 3月14日星期日
Terrible hangover after last night's celebrations. My head is pounding. Can't write because I have the shakes. I hate Rambo for making me drink a shot of tequila for every wicket I took. 昨晚的庆祝活动后，可怕的宿醉。我的头砰砰直跳。不能写，因为我有摇晃。我讨厌兰博让我每拿一个检票口就喝一杯龙舌兰酒。
12:00 I ordered Thinny and JR Ewing to write a 3000 word essay on the beauty of silence. The idiots have the grounds of the entire school in which to bash each 12：00 我命令 Thinny 和 JR Ewing 写一篇 3000 字的关于寂静之美的文章。白痴们有整个学校的场地可以抨击每个人
other's brains out so why must they insist on doing it outside my window when I have a hangover? 别人的脑子都出来了，为什么他们一定要在我宿醉的时候坚持在我的窗外做呢？
15:30 Pretended to be out when Viking thumped on the door and shouted congratulations. It astonished me how many times he repeated 'Milton!' before eventually giving up. 15：30 假装出去时，维京人砰地敲门并大喊祝贺。令我惊讶的是，他重复了多少次“弥尔顿！”，最终放弃了。
Was too lazy to go to dinner so Albert Schweitzer cooked pasta and Alfredo sauce for me in the cop shop annexe and served it with a cup of strong coffee. Looks like news of my bowling heroics has spread around the school because Schweitzer bowed when I let him into my room this afternoon and he now seems to have reverted to calling me sir again. 懒得去吃晚饭，所以Albert Schweitzer在警察商店的附楼为我煮了意大利面和Alfredo酱，并配上一杯浓咖啡。看起来我打保龄球的消息已经传遍了整个学校，因为今天下午我让他进入我的房间时，Schweitzer鞠了一躬，现在他似乎又恢复了叫我先生。
After dinner, coffee and a 45 -minute shower I felt semi-revived. 晚餐、咖啡和 45 分钟的淋浴后，我感觉半恢复了活力。
Monday 15th March 3月15日星期一
I am officially over Saturday night's hazy 'six tequilas and a beer and a half' binge and my will to live has returned. The Glock used his sermon in chapel to congratulate the cricket side and singled out me and Simon for special mention. The school broke out into a roaring applause followed by a chorus of 'Eat! Eat! Eat!' after which we sang the Lord's Prayer. 我正式结束了周六晚上朦胧的“六杯龙舌兰酒和一杯半啤酒”的狂欢，我的生存意志又回来了。格洛克在教堂里用他的布道来祝贺板球方面，并特别提到我和西蒙。全校爆发出热烈的掌声，随后是“吃！吃！吃吧！“之后，我们唱起了主祷文。
Tuesday 16th.March 16日星期二。三月
I lost my temper when taking the first years for prep tonight. I had repeatedly warned both Shambles and Plaque about surreptitiously passing notes to each other by methods which they obviously thought were cunning but which most sane people had dumped by primary school. Shambles, who clearly had no interest in school work and appeared to be bored stiff, removed numerous pens from his pencil case and lined them 今晚我给第一年的准备生了脾气。我一再告诫Shambles和Plaque，不要偷偷地互相传递纸条，他们显然认为这些方法很狡猾，但大多数理智的人在小学时就已经抛弃了。Shambles显然对学校作业没有兴趣，看起来很无聊，他从铅笔盒里拿出许多钢笔，把它们排成一行
up in formation across the edges of his desk. Minutes later his stack of pens and pencils collapsed all over the floor causing another disturbance. The final straw was when the idiot made deliberate farting noises by scraping his thigh against his warm plastic chair which the Harmless Half-Dozen thought was hilarious. I wiped the impish grin right off Shambles' face when I gave him a painful fingertongs using the blackboard duster. The moment I heard the cracking in his fingers I knew I had taken things too far and his subsequent sobbing didn't do much for my conscience. I had to endure watching the boy spend the last ten minutes of prep pathetically holding his injured digits and sniffing sadly at the roof. The rest of the first years watched me warily and Albert Schweitzer called me 'sir' close to a dozen times in the five minutes that he was in my room after prep. If I keep up the bowling heroics and public brutality he may be calling me Führer soon. 在他办公桌的边缘排成一排。几分钟后，他的一摞钢笔和铅笔倒在地板上，引发了另一场骚乱。最后一根稻草是白痴故意用大腿摩擦他温暖的塑料椅子发出放屁的声音，无害的六打认为这很滑稽。我擦掉了Shambles脸上顽皮的笑容，然后用黑板掸子给他一个痛苦的手指钳。当我听到他手指的裂缝的那一刻，我知道我做得太过分了，他随后的抽泣对我的良心没有多大帮助。我不得不忍受看着这个男孩在准备的最后十分钟里可怜兮兮地握着他受伤的手指，在屋顶上悲伤地嗅着。第一年剩下的时间里，我小心翼翼地看着我，阿尔伯特·史怀哲（Albert Schweitzer）在我准备后的五分钟里，叫我“先生”了将近十几次。如果我继续保持保龄球的英雄主义和公开的暴行，他可能很快就会叫我元首。
Wednesday 17th March 3月17日星期三
06:01 Just woke from a terrible dream. Shambles' fingers were broken and I was hauled in to face The Glock for bullying. I was de-prefected, dropped from the cricket team, and forced to swap rooms with Vern. 06：01 刚从可怕的梦中醒来。Shambles的手指被打断了，我被拖去面对格洛克的欺凌。我被取消了资格，从板球队退学，被迫和弗恩交换房间。
06:31 I tried to apologise to Shambles after roll call but he ran away from me only to be shat on by Mongrel for running in the quad. I don't have a good feeling about this. 06：31 点名后，我试图向 Shambles 道歉，但他从我身边跑开了，结果被 Mongrel 拉屎了。我对此没有好感。
Possible reasons for my short temper and poor form: 我脾气暴躁和状态不佳的可能原因：
My recent drinking binge 我最近的酗酒
Being pressured into making career decisions at age sixteen 十六岁时被迫做出职业决定
Arrogance after cricket heroics 板球英雄之后的傲慢
Suppressed phoblas thanks to being stalked by Sarah Silver 由于被莎拉·西尔弗（Sarah Silver）跟踪而压制了福布拉斯
Having to take on most of Missing Eggwhite's duties 不得不承担 Missing Eggwhite 的大部分职责
Sexual frustration due to virginity 因童贞而产生的性挫折
18:00 My worst possible fears were realised when I witnessed Viking leading Shambles into his office before closing the door behind him. This is how Pike must have felt every other day of his school career. Despite not being hungry or thirsty I ordered Albert Schweitzer to make me a toasted cheese and mayonnaise and a cup of Nescafé. This may well be my final night as a prefect. 18：00 当我亲眼目睹维京带领Shambles进入他的办公室，然后关上他身后的门时，我最担心的事情发生了。这就是派克在他学生生涯中每隔一天的感受。尽管不饿也不渴，我还是命令Albert Schweitzer给我做了烤奶酪和蛋黄酱以及一杯雀巢咖啡。这很可能是我作为级长的最后一个晚上。
Thursday 18th March 3月18日星期四
I began the day on an even keel. If Shambles had ratted on me last night, surely Viking would have hauled me into his office immediately. Unless of course he's interviewing the other new boys first, and gathering a file of evidence before bringing me in. 我在平坦的龙骨上开始了新的一天。如果Shambles昨晚对我大发雷霆，Viking肯定会立即把我拖到他的办公室。当然，除非他先采访其他新来的男孩，并在把我带进来之前收集证据。
11:00 Gloom and doom has returned. As I made my way across the quad towards the house at tea break, Viking beckoned me over to where he was standing outside the staffroom. 11：00 阴霾和厄运又回来了。当我在茶歇时间穿过四边形走向房子时，维京向我招手，让我走到他站在员工室外面的地方。
'Milton, we need to talk,' he said in an icy tone. “弥尔顿，我们需要谈谈，”他用冰冷的语气说。
'Yes, sir,' I stammered. “是的，先生，”我结结巴巴地说。
'Not now,' he boomed. 'I'll send for you tonight.' “现在不行，”他大声说。“我今晚就派人来找你。”
I nodded and felt the walls of my life collapsing around me. 我点了点头，感觉到我生命的墙壁在我周围坍塌。
Cricket practice was a bit of a blur although I remember repeatedly looking at my watch and thinking about what was surely to follow. Perhaps Viking will let me off with a stern rebuke and final warning? That's about the best I can hope for. 板球练习有点模糊，尽管我记得反复看了看手表，想着接下来肯定会发生的事情。也许维京人会以严厉的斥责和最后的警告放过我？这大约是我所希望的最好的。
20:30 Runt knocked on my door to say Viking wanted to see me immediately. Having waited for so long I felt rather numb about it all. As far as I was concerned my fate was no longer in my hands and there wasn't much to be done now to reverse what had happened. 20：30 Runt敲了敲我的门，说Viking想立即见我。等了这么久，我对这一切感到相当麻木。就我而言，我的命运不再掌握在我手中，现在没有什么事情可以扭转已经发生的事情。
'Sit down, Milton,' ordered Viking and closed the curtains. He took off his jacket and laid it over the desk. He studied me closely and said, 'This is a serious business. “坐下，米尔顿，”维京命令道，拉上窗帘。他脱下外套，放在桌子上。他仔细研究了我，说，'这是一件严肃的事情。
I nodded and he nodded grimly back. 我点了点头，他严肃地点了点头。
'You of all people ...' he said and crunched his hands together. He removed his specs and shined them up with his silver tie. “你们所有人......”他说着，双手紧握在一起。他摘下眼镜，用银色领带闪闪发光。
'You of all people,' he repeated, 'have demonstrated the necessary creativity, maturity and nous for such a demanding venture. “你们所有人，”他重复道，“已经表现出了必要的创造力、成熟度和智慧，可以胜任如此艰巨的事业。
'What?' I blurted, thinking I hadn't heard him right. “什么？”我脱口而出，以为我没有听错。
'Milton,' he roared, his eyes alive and burning, 'I have chosen you to conceive, create and direct this year's entry for the house play competition.' “弥尔顿，”他咆哮着，眼睛生机勃勃，炯炯有神，“我选择了你来构思、创作和指导今年的家庭游戏比赛。
I swear I almost blacked out with relief. I'm directing the house play! What a massive breakthrough. Viking ordered me either to write or select a play for performance by the end of the first week of the second term. That was it. 我发誓我几乎松了一口气。我正在指导家庭游戏！这是一个多么巨大的突破。维京命令我在第二学期的第一周结束前写剧本或选择剧本进行表演。就是这样。
'Good luck, Milton,' he cried. 'By God, you're going to need it.' “祝你好运，弥尔顿，”他喊道。“天哪，你会需要的。”
I galloped back to my room, locked the door and carried out an energetic celebration. What a week, and what a joy not to be obsessing about Shambles' fingers and being moved to a haunted room with no door. 我飞奔回房间，锁上门，进行了一场充满活力的庆祝活动。多么美好的一周，不沉迷于Shambles的手指并被转移到一个没有门的鬼屋里是多么高兴。
Friday 19th March 3月19日星期五
My search for the perfect house play has begun with a scouring of the main library. So far I have four possible options, none of which I like. 我对完美家庭游戏的寻找始于对主图书馆的搜索。到目前为止，我有四种可能的选择，我都不喜欢。
Saturday 20th March 3月20日星期六
The cricket match against Wellendon College from New Zealand ended in a draw after thick mist descended over the school after lunch. That means we end the first term cricket season as the only unbeaten team in the province. 对阵新西兰惠伦登学院的板球比赛在午餐后浓雾笼罩着学校后以平局告终。这意味着我们作为全省唯一一支不败的球队结束了第一个板球赛季。
Sunday 21st March 3月21日星期日
11:47 Just returned from a brilliant twenty minute conversation with Eve after bumping into her by chance outside her office. When I mentioned that I was on the lookout for an excellent house play she said we should spend an hour or two one evening sifting through plays in the drama library. She rattled off a long list of playwrights who were well worth checking out. Unfortunately, I can't remember a single name she suggested because I became entangled in a vivid fantasy of the two of us romping naked by candlelight up against the shelves of the drama library Early Restoration section. 11：47 刚从与夏娃的精彩二十分钟谈话中回来，在她的办公室外偶然撞见了她。当我提到我正在寻找一部优秀的家庭剧时，她说我们应该花一两个小时在戏剧图书馆里筛选戏剧。她喋喋不休地列出了一长串值得一看的剧作家。不幸的是，我不记得她建议的任何一个名字，因为我陷入了一个生动的幻想中，我们两个人赤身裸体地在烛光下嬉戏，靠在戏剧图书馆早期修复部分的书架上。
Tuesday 23rd March 3月23日星期二
Over a lunch of red wine and dark Belgian chocolate, The Guv and I spent considerable time discussing house play possibilities. I thought he might like my idea of condensing Macbeth into thirty minutes of murder and mayhem but he reacted violently and threw his television remote control at me, accusing me of conspiring against the Bard. He cheered up noticeably when I suggested a farce. In fact he leapt out of his chair shouting, 'By God, Milton, if it's farce you're after then it must be Feydeau!' He laughed heartily at something he remembered and sat down again. 在享用红酒和比利时黑巧克力的午餐时，The Guv 和我花了相当多的时间讨论过家家游戏的可能性。我以为他可能喜欢我把《麦克白》浓缩成三十分钟的谋杀和混乱的想法，但他反应激烈，把他的电视遥控器扔向我，指责我密谋反对吟游诗人。当我提出一场闹剧时，他明显振作起来。事实上，他从椅子上跳了起来，大声喊道：“天哪，弥尔顿，如果你要看的是闹剧，那一定是费多！他想起什么，爽朗地笑了起来，又坐了下来。
'Or it could be a witty comedy?' I added. “或者它可能是一部诙谐的喜剧？”我补充道。
'Coward!' barked The Guv. 'It must be Noel Coward!' “懦夫！”古夫吼道。“一定是诺埃尔·懦夫！”
'Yes, sir,' I agreed. “是的，先生，”我同意了。
'Blithe Spirit is as dependable as my morning ablutions,' he added, refilling his wine glass and replacing the bottle on his side table. The Guv paused as if on the verge of making an announcement but took a bulging swig of wine instead before scrambling to his feet in excitement. “Blithe Spirit和我早上的沐浴一样可靠，”他补充道，重新装满了酒杯，并更换了边桌上的瓶子。Guv停顿了一下，仿佛要宣布什么，但还是喝了一口鼓鼓的酒，然后兴奋地爬了起来。
'Unless, of course, Milton, you are willing to take on an entirely surprising creative challenge?' “当然，除非，弥尔顿，你愿意接受一个完全令人惊讶的创造性挑战？”
The Guv disappeared into his study and returned some minutes later carrying a rather decaying play in his hands. He handed it over and advised me to peruse it carefully in the holidays. He also threatened to slit my throat with his shooting stick should I lose it because it was a first edition and even signed by the playwright. 古夫消失在他的书房里，几分钟后回来了，手里拿着一把相当腐朽的玩子。他把它交给了我，并建议我在假期仔细阅读。他还威胁说，如果我丢了，他会用他的射击棒割开我的喉咙，因为它是第一版，甚至还有剧作家的签名。
"It's known as the "unstageable play". I dare you, Milton! I bloody dare you!' He handed it over. “这被称为'无法上演的戏剧'。我敢，弥尔顿！我的敢于你！他把它递了过去。
The cover read: 封面上写着：
A Resounding Tinkle by NF Simpson NF Simpson 的响亮叮叮当当
Wednesday 24th March 3月24日星期三
Had another informal chat with Eve outside the first year prep classroom. She claimed to be looking for me and asked what profession I was leaning towards for my work experience next term. 在第一年的预备教室外与Eve进行了另一次非正式的交谈。她声称在找我，并问我下学期的工作经验倾向于什么职业。
'Actor,' I replied boldly. “演员，”我大胆地回答。
Eve hesitated and asked me if I was certain. 夏娃犹豫了一下，问我是否确定。
'Dead certain,' I replied in a commanding voice. She made a note on her clipboard, flashed me her gorgeous smile and minced off. What a tease. “肯定，”我用命令的声音回答。她在剪贴板上做了一个笔记，向我露出她灿烂的笑容，然后就走了。真是个戏弄。
Thursday 25th March 3月25日星期四
15:30 Albert Schweitzer expertly packed my suitcase while I issued directions from the warm comfort of my bed. After he was done I complimented him on being an excellent slave and thanked him for his efficient service over the term. Schweitzer blushed and grinned before declaring it an honour to clean my room and take my laundry. It was getting awkward so I sent him off to make me a cup of tea. 15：30 Albert Schweitzer熟练地收拾行李，而我在温暖舒适的床上发出指示。在他完成后，我称赞他是一个优秀的奴隶，并感谢他在整个任期内的高效服务。Schweitzer脸红了，咧嘴一笑，然后宣布很荣幸能打扫我的房间，洗衣服。这变得很尴尬，所以我让他去给我泡杯茶。
Friday 26th March 3月26日星期五
I received my colours for cricket at the final assembly. This may sound like an excellent achievement but one has to consider that the entire team was awarded colours, including Strangely Sallow, who only played in last weekend's match against Wellendon and didn't bat or bowl. Simon of course received honours and deserved it. Colours were also dished out to the first tennis and swimming teams and, more controversially, the first squash team whose only victory in nine weeks was against the seconds in a practice match. Typically, The Glock took full credit for our famous victory over King's College declaring that he personally laid out the challenge to the team at what he called 'a secret meeting' last Wednesday. 我在最后的集会上收到了板球的颜色。这听起来像是一个了不起的成就，但人们不得不考虑到整个团队都获得了颜色，包括 Strangely Sallow，他只参加了上周末对阵惠伦登的比赛，没有击球或投球。西蒙当然获得了荣誉，这是当之无愧的。第一支网球队和游泳队也获得了颜色，更具争议性的是，第一支壁球队在九周内唯一一场胜利是在练习赛中对阵第二名。通常，格洛克对我们战胜国王学院的著名胜利给予了充分的赞誉，他宣布他在上周三的“秘密会议”中亲自向球队提出了挑战。
After assembly I strolled back across the quad with Simon and Garlic. We shook hands and I ambled through the great archway across the turning circle and down onto the rolling lawns and Pilgrims' Walk. Albert Schweitzer and Near Death raced past with my bags and luggage. They were giggling and happy and drunk on the feeling of their first ever holiday. On the bus I chose the second seat from the back, stretched out and slipped on my Walkman. 集合后，我和西蒙和大蒜一起漫步穿过四边形。我们握了握手，我漫步穿过大拱门，穿过转弯圈，来到连绵起伏的草坪和朝圣者步道。Albert Schweitzer 和 Near Death 带着我的行李和行李飞奔而过。他们咯咯地笑着，开心着，陶醉在他们第一次度假的感觉中。在公共汽车上，我从后面选择了第二个座位，伸了个懒腰，滑上了我的随身听。
Home time. 回家时间。
Monday 29th March 3月29日星期一
It's been a relaxing start to my Easter holidays, what with Dad spending most of his time working at the pub and the rest of his time sleeping or hammering about in the garage. Mom is also seldom around due to what she describes as her overwhelming social calendar at present. I have taken the opportunity to kick back and relax, read plays, and work on my suntan. Although Simon sometimes takes it to extremes, he maintains that with girls a good suntan can often mean the difference between reaching first and second base, and in some cases scoring a home run. 这是我复活节假期的一个轻松的开始，爸爸大部分时间都在酒吧工作，其余时间在车库里睡觉或敲打。妈妈也很少在身边，因为她形容她目前压倒性的社交日历。我借此机会放松一下，看剧本，晒黑。尽管西蒙有时会走极端，但他坚持认为，对于女孩来说，晒黑通常意味着到达一垒和二垒之间的区别，在某些情况下还能打出本垒打。
The sun's rays eased my stresses and I refused to be riled up by anything, even the sight of Blacky gulping down an unnecessary amount of pool water before urinating demonstratively against the side of his kennel. 阳光缓解了我的压力，我拒绝被任何事情激怒，甚至看到布莱克大口大口地喝了不必要的池水，然后示威性地在他的狗窝边上小便。
Nor did I think of the two letters from Sarah Silver that were waiting for me on my desk when I returned home. The first was a copy of the initial letter that she sent me at school but the second arrived by post on Thursday and, disturbingly, all it said was: 我也没有想到莎拉·西尔弗（Sarah Silver）的两封信，当我回到家时，它们正在我的桌子上等着我。第一封是她在学校寄给我的第一封信的副本，但第二封是周四邮寄的，令人不安的是，上面只写了：
PIG! 猪！
Like Thomas More, I have decided to keep my silence. How long can this crazy woman carry on with this obsessive insanity? 像托马斯·莫尔一样，我决定保持沉默。这个疯狂的女人能坚持这种强迫性的精神错乱多久？
Wednesday 31st March 3月31日星期三
Dad was out with the car so Mom asked me if I would cycle to the café and buy bread, milk and the evening paper. Feeling useful, I raced off, greatly enjoying the feeling of vigorous exercise and the wind in my face. After paying at the till, I strode out of the café with my packet and nearly crashed into the Mermaid as she was 爸爸开车出去了，妈妈问我是否愿意骑车去咖啡馆买面包、牛奶和晚报。我感到很有用，于是飞奔而去，非常享受剧烈运动的感觉和吹在我脸上的风。在收银台付完钱后，我拿着包裹大步走出咖啡馆，差点撞到美人鱼
attempting to enter. 试图进入。
'Hi,' I said. “嗨，”我说。
'Hi,' she replied. “嗨，”她回答。
'Sorry,' I said. “对不起，”我说。
She giggled and tossed her long blonde hair back. 她咯咯地笑着，把金色的长发往后一甩。
'How are you?' “你好吗？”
'Really good,' I replied. “真的很好，”我回答。
'I didn't know if I would ever see you again,' she said, staring into my eyes. “我不知道我还能不能再见到你，”她说，盯着我的眼睛。
I laughed falsely and asked her how Gavin the Umpire was. Her smile faded and although she said that he was well, I sensed that she would rather have had me not mention his name. 我假惺惺地笑了笑，问她裁判加文怎么样了。她的笑容消失了，虽然她说他很好，但我感觉到她宁愿我不提他的名字。
There was an awkward pause so I told her that I had to get home. She gave me a hug and I unchained my bike. I wasn't sure if she was watching me but, just in case, I raced off at top speed, narrowly avoiding an irate old granny with her shopping trolley. 有一个尴尬的停顿，所以我告诉她我必须回家。她给了我一个拥抱，我解开了自行车的链子。我不确定她是否在看着我，但为了以防万一，我以最快的速度飞奔而去，勉强避开了一位愤怒的老奶奶和她的购物手推车。
She is still beautiful. 她仍然很漂亮。
Thursday 1st April 4月1日星期四
Besides Dad pretending to have a heart attack in the kitchen after breakfast, there were very few April Fool's jokes at Milton HQ. For a while it was thought that Innocence was playing a joke by being late but this thought was later abandoned when she didn't rock up to work at all. Another grim reality that I wish was a joke is a looming weekend to the berg with Mom, Dad and Wombat. My grandmother discovered through her hairdresser that there is a half-price weekend autumn special running at the Sani Pass Hotel and has booked us all in from tomorrow until Tuesday. A relief is that I have my own room, although the good news is rather overshadowed by the fact that Wombat is on experimental Alzheimer's medication which Mom says has had mixed results. 除了爸爸在早餐后在厨房里假装心脏病发作外，米尔顿总部很少有愚人节的笑话。有一段时间，人们认为纯真迟到是在开玩笑，但后来当她根本没有起床工作时，这个想法就被放弃了。另一个我希望是笑话的残酷现实是，一个迫在眉睫的周末，与妈妈、爸爸和袋熊一起去山上。我的祖母通过她的理发店发现，Sani Pass Hotel酒店有一个半价的周末秋季特价，并从明天到周二为我们预订了所有房间。令人欣慰的是，我有自己的房间，尽管好消息被袋熊正在服用实验性阿尔茨海默氏症药物这一事实所掩盖，妈妈说这种药物的结果好坏参半。
Friday 2nd April 4月2日星期五
08:30 Dad showered praise over the entire German nation after all of our bags, golf clubs, fishing rods and hiking kit were gobbled up by the generous boot of the Mercedes. After numerous checks and endless fiddling with the air conditioner, we slid off down the road leaving a heartbroken Blacky with his face pushed up against the chicken wire on the gate. 08：30 爸爸在我们所有的包、高尔夫球杆、钓鱼竿和登山装备都被奔驰大方的靴子吞噬后，对整个德意志民族大加赞赏。经过无数次检查和无休止的摆弄空调，我们沿着马路滑了下来，留下伤心欲绝的布莱克，他的脸被推到大门上的铁丝网上。
Wombat was in excellent form out on the pavement of her old age home, Guinea's Rest. She shouted out and waved to everybody who passed by and was even friendly to Dad and kissed him on the cheek. 袋熊在她的养老院几内亚休息处的人行道上状态极佳。她大声喊叫，向每一个路过的人挥手致意，甚至对爸爸也很友好，还亲吻了他的脸颊。
'Hoi polloi!' shrieked Wombat as we set off down Musgrave Road with a healthy roar of the engine. She pointed out landmarks at regular intervals, although it was disturbing to note that when we drove past her old block of flats, where she had lived for 32 years, it didn't seem to register at all. “嗨！”当我们沿着马斯格雷夫路出发时，袋熊尖叫着，引擎发出健康的轰鸣声。她每隔一段时间就会指出地标，尽管令人不安的是，当我们开车经过她住了32年的旧公寓楼时，它似乎根本没有登记。
There was nearly carnage on the freeway when Dad punched in a number of buttons before declaring that the car would now drive itself. My father leaned back in his seat, and folded his hands behind his head. I'm not sure if Dad punched in the wrong buttons but the Merc veered off to the left and if it wasn't for Mom seizing the steering wheel we may have crashed through the fence of the Rainbow Chicken factory. Dad blamed the Japanese to whom he said the Germans had probably outsourced the auto-pilot control. 在高速公路上，当爸爸在宣布汽车现在可以自动驾驶之前按下了一些按钮时，几乎发生了大屠杀。我父亲靠在座位上，双手交叉在脑后。我不确定爸爸是不是打错了按钮，但Merc向左转弯了，如果不是妈妈抓住了方向盘，我们可能已经撞破了彩虹鸡工厂的围栏。爸爸责怪日本人，他说德国人可能已经将自动驾驶仪的控制外包给了日本人。
12:30 We were welcomed to the Sani Pass Hotel with warm smiles by the receptionists and a glass of fruit punch. Wombat grew suspicious and refused even to sip her punch until she had been assured by the food and beverages manager that she wouldn't be charged for it. 12：30 我们受到接待员热情微笑和一杯水果宾治的欢迎。袋熊开始怀疑，甚至拒绝啜饮她的拳头，直到食品和饮料经理向她保证不会为此收费。
12:35 My room is luxurious and the bed is so large that I could feasibly sleep in over twenty different positions. It's certainly the type of bed one should consider if planning an orgy. 12：35 我的房间很豪华，床很大，我可以睡在二十多个不同的位置。这当然是计划狂欢时应该考虑的床型。
Bingo! 宾果游戏！
As feared, Wombat was a total embarrassment during the bingo tournament in the lounge. The entertainment co-ordinator named Edgar was stumped when Wombat screamed out 'Bingo!' after he had called out the first number of the evening. The insane old woman shouted 'Bingo!' numerous times thereafter and never once had her card full. She became angry that all her shouting out hadn't resulted in any prizes, grew very unpleasant and had to be bribed with a hot toddy to leave the lounge and go to bed early. 正如人们所担心的那样，袋熊在休息室的宾果游戏比赛中完全尴尬。当袋熊喊出当晚的第一个号码后，当袋熊大喊“宾果游戏！”时，娱乐协调员埃德加被难住了。从那以后，这个疯狂的老妇人无数次喊着“宾果！”，但她的牌从来没有被填满。她很生气，因为她所有的喊叫都没有得到任何奖品，变得非常不愉快，不得不用热托迪贿赂才能离开休息室，早点睡觉。
Saturday 3rd April 4月3日星期六
Dad signed us up for the Sani Pass Saturday Golf Challenge and we set off to the first tee after breakfast determined to win. Mom and Wombat joined the small crowd to watch us hit our first shots. I was happy to see my opening drive land on the fairway, but slightly less happy with Wombat shrieking, 'Wonderful, David!' Dad unfortunately sliced his tee shot over the river and into the thick bush growing on the side of the mountain. He loaded up another ball and smashed it into the trunk of a nearby tree. 'Fore!' shouted co-ordinator Edgar as Dad's ball ricocheted off the tree and careened back towards the tee box. The net result was that after two savage drives my father had only advanced his golf ball by three paces. 爸爸为我们报名参加了 Sani Pass 周六高尔夫挑战赛，早餐后我们出发前往第一个发球台，决心获胜。妈妈和袋熊加入了一小群人，看着我们打了第一枪。我很高兴看到我的开场球落在球道上，但对袋熊尖叫着“太棒了，大卫！不幸的是，爸爸把他的发球台切过了河边，打进了山边茂密的灌木丛中。他又装上了一个球，砸进了附近一棵树的树干上。“前面！”协调员埃德加喊道，爸爸的球从树上弹了起来，飞回了发球台。最终的结果是，在两次野蛮的开球之后，我父亲只把他的高尔夫球推进了三步。
'Pig dog!' barked my father as he slammed his driver back into his golf bag. To add insult to injury there was an extremely loud whisper of 'Roy's a terrible “猪狗！”我父亲一边吠叫着，一边把司机撞回高尔夫球袋里。雪上加霜的是，有一种非常响亮的耳语，“罗伊是个可怕的人
embarrassment, isn't he?' My mother nodded her head in agreement and the two set off to find Wombat a pot of tea and an egg sandwich for her 10:30am elevenses. 他很尴尬，不是吗？我母亲点点头表示同意，两人出发去给袋熊找一壶茶和一个鸡蛋三明治，供她上午10点30分吃。
Quite frankly, it was a relief that the competition lasted only nine holes because after an excellent start my golf game regressed at a terrible rate. Dad became increasingly enraged as his disastrous round wore on. What began as loud shouting and the throwing of the odd club soon dissolved into threats of suicide and later the tracking down and bombing of the course designer's home. 坦率地说，比赛只持续了九洞，这让我松了一口气，因为在出色的开局之后，我的高尔夫比赛以可怕的速度退步了。爸爸越来越愤怒，因为他的灾难性回合过去了。一开始是大声喊叫和投掷奇怪的球杆，很快就变成了自杀威胁，后来又对球场设计师的家进行了追踪和轰炸。
21:00 DINNER DANCE 21：00 晚餐舞会
A one man band called Elf kicked off proceedings with a lively version of Eric Clapton's Cocaine and followed it up with Dire Straits' Sultans of Swing which had my mother and father gyrating in the middle of the sparsely populated dance floor. Under the ruse of helping Wombat to bed, I escaped to the far reaches of the veranda and sat down at one of the empty tables. There was no moon but the stars were as bright as I could ever remember seeing them. I traced the line where the mountains met the sky and listened intently to the sound of the river which I had hardly noticed during the day. 一支名为Elf的单人乐队以埃里克·克莱普顿（Eric Clapton）的《可卡因》（Cocaine）的活泼版本拉开了序幕，随后是Dire Straits的《Sultans of Swing》，我的母亲和父亲在人烟稀少的舞池中间旋转。在帮助袋熊上床睡觉的诡计下，我逃到阳台的远处，在一张空桌子旁坐下。没有月亮，但星星和我记得看到的星星一样明亮。我沿着山脉与天空交汇的线，专心致志地听着白天我几乎没有注意到的河流的声音。
'Mind if I join you? “介意我加入你吗？
It was the pretty girl from the table next to ours. 那是我们隔壁桌子上的那个漂亮女孩。
'That would be really cool,' I answered rather smoothly despite my ridiculous heart rate. “那真是太酷了，”尽管我的心率很可笑，但我还是相当顺利地回答。
'What are you doing?' she asked, taking a seat and wrapping her scarf tightly around her neck. “你在干什么？”她问道，坐下来，把围巾紧紧地缠在脖子上。
'Looking at the sky and thinking about life,' I said rather nobly. “仰望天空，思考人生，”我相当高尚地说。
There was a long silence as the girl looked out at the sky. I wasn't sure if I should say something but decided 沉默了很久，女孩望着天空。我不确定我是否应该说些什么，但决定了
to remain mute after realising that I couldn't for the life of me think of a single half decent conversation starter. 'They say that life works in circles,' she said. 在意识到我一辈子都想不出一个半体面的谈话开场白后保持沉默。“他们说生活是循环往复的，”她说。
'Vicious circles,'I replied. “恶性循环，”我回答。
She laughed and introduced herself as Leanne. I introduced myself as John Milton and she laughed again. 她笑着介绍自己叫莉安。我介绍自己是约翰·米尔顿，她又笑了。
Later, we were snuggled up together protecting ourselves from the chill breeze when her dad came to call her to bed. I felt heartbroken that Leanne lived in Johannesburg and was leaving the next morning. 后来，当她爸爸来叫她上床睡觉时，我们依偎在一起，保护自己免受寒风的侵袭。我感到心碎，因为莉安住在约翰内斯堡，第二天早上就要离开了。
'So I might never see you again?' I heard myself say. “那我可能再也见不到你了？”我听到自己说。
She shrugged her shoulders. 'Depends if life works in vicious circles ... 她耸了耸肩。“这取决于生活是否在恶性循环中运作......
'May I kiss you? “我可以吻你吗？
'You may, John Milton.' “你可以，约翰·弥尔顿。”
Before she disappeared through the door into the hotel, she smiled and briefly waved. 在她消失在酒店门口之前，她微笑着挥了挥手。
I stayed out until the cold drove me in. 我呆在外面，直到寒冷把我赶进去。
Sunday 4th April 4月4日星期日
Today was a bit of a daze after last night's surreal experience on the veranda. Been having many irrational feelings about Leanne and sense that this may indicate that I'm finally ready for a proper relationship. Also on the positive side, it would be safe to say that things are finally picking up when it comes to scoring grrls. (Admittedly, one of my two most recent conquests was a psychopath.) 昨晚在阳台上经历了超现实的经历后，今天有点发呆。我一直对莉安有很多非理性的感觉，并感觉到这可能表明我终于准备好了一段合适的关系。同样从积极的一面来看，可以肯定地说，在得分方面，情况终于有所好转。（诚然，我最近的两次征服之一是一个精神病患者。
I considered these thoughts and many others over the five hours I spent on my sun lounger at the pool. Simon is definitely right about a good suntan paying off. 我在游泳池的躺椅上度过了五个小时，考虑了这些想法和许多其他想法。西蒙绝对是对的，晒黑会得到回报。
Monday 5th April 4月5日星期一
Took a hike up the river and discovered a beautiful pool of slow flowing water sheltered by boulders and head high grass. I dived in without checking the temperature and emerged milliseconds later screaming in brain freezing agony. With my privates shrunken to former spudly levels, I lizarded onto a rock warmed from the sun and waited for my body to stop shuddering and convulsing. 沿着河边徒步，发现了一个美丽的水池，水流缓慢，被巨石和高高的草遮蔽。我没有检查温度就潜入水中，几毫秒后出现，在大脑冻结的痛苦中尖叫。我的缩小到以前的水平，我蜥蜴在一块被太阳温暖起来的岩石上，等待我的身体停止颤抖和抽搐。
I would have hiked further downstream but my wet shorts chafed my inner thigh and I had to turn back. By the time I reached the hotel I was walking like an aged cowboy and spent the afternoon in bed drinking tea, reading newspapers, and thinking about Leanne. 我本来可以往下游走，但我湿漉漉的短裤擦伤了我的大腿内侧，我不得不回头。当我到达酒店时，我像个老牛仔一样走路，整个下午都在床上喝茶，看报纸，想着莉安。
Tuesday 6th April 4月6日星期二
Dad cunningly covered the total amount on the final bill with his thumbs when holding it out for Wombat to inspect. Mom helped my grandmother out to the car while Dad wrote out the cheque and forged Wombat's signature. 爸爸狡猾地用拇指盖住了最后一张账单上的总金额，把它拿出来让袋熊检查。妈妈扶着我奶奶上车，爸爸写出支票，伪造了袋熊的签名。
Friday 9th April 4月9日星期五
Shocking development! Viking called at 06:30 in the morning to ask me if I would be willing to return to school four days early to help out with the prospective new boys' weekend. Although my housemaster made it clear that I could say no, he also hinted that a negative response would be bad for my future. It was too early for my brain to conjure up a brilliant excuse so I agreed to return to school next Thursday evening. 令人震惊的发展！维京在早上 06：30 打电话问我是否愿意提前四天回到学校，以帮助未来的新男孩周末。虽然我的舍监明确表示我可以拒绝，但他也暗示负面反应对我的未来不利。现在我的大脑想出一个绝妙的借口还为时过早，所以我同意下周四晚上回到学校。
'Excellent, Milton,' he roared. 'I always knew that I could “太好了，米尔顿，”他吼道。“我一直都知道我能做到
rely on you in a crisis.' 在危机中依靠你。
'Not a problem, sir,' I said, despite coming to the sudden realisation that I only have five days left of my holiday. “没问题，先生，”我说，尽管突然意识到我的假期只剩下五天了。
'Any news on your house play selection?' ventured Viking. “有关于你家家游戏选择的消息吗？”维京冒险问道。
'I'm getting close, sir,' I lied. “我快到了，先生，”我撒了谎。
'Good, good, good,' he repeated, before shouting, 'Righto then!' and hanging up. “好，好，好，”他重复了一遍，然后喊道，“那就好了！”然后挂断了电话。
I have five days to choose the house play and wade through a mountain of assignments due by the start of term. Suddenly this doesn't feel like a holiday at all. After a shower and breakfast I locked myself in my room and got stuck into some earnest sloggery. 我有五天的时间来选择家庭游戏，并完成学期开始前到期的堆积如山的作业。突然间，这根本不像是假期。洗完澡吃完早餐后，我把自己锁在房间里，陷入了一些认真的挣扎中。
Saturday 10th April 4月10日星期六
Communist Party Secretary General Chris Hani was assassinated this morning. I heard the news' on Dad's radio which he had left blaring in my parents' bathroom. I folded down the lid and sat on the loo listening to an account of how a man shot Hani in his driveway. A neighbour of Hani's who had heard the shots was being interviewed and reckoned that she saw a white man driving away in a red Ford Laser. The interviews continued and every single person mentioned the words 'civil war' and how the killing of Hani may well be the spark that sets South Africa on fire. 共产党总书记克里斯·哈尼（Chris Hani）今天上午被暗杀。我在爸爸的收音机里听到了这个消息，他把这个消息留在了我父母的浴室里。我盖上盖子，坐在厕所里，听着一个男人如何在他的车道上射杀哈尼人的故事。哈尼的一位邻居听到了枪声，她正在接受采访，并估计她看到一名白人男子开着一辆红色的福特激光车离开。采访继续进行，每个人都提到了“内战”这个词，以及哈尼的杀戮很可能是点燃南非的火花。
There are far too many maniacs in this world. 这个世界上有太多的疯子。
Thursday 15th April 4月15日星期四
19:10 Dad drove me back to school in a new record time of 79 minutes from gate to gate. I had to agree that if it weren't for being caught behind a lorry carrying small stones around Lidgetton, the Merc may well have 19：10 爸爸开车送我回学校，从大门到大门用了 79 分钟，创下了新纪录。我不得不同意，如果不是因为在利吉顿附近被一辆运载小石头的卡车后面抓住，Merc 很可能已经
broken through the 75 minute barrier. I staggered out of the passenger seat, feeling decidedly elated but a bit car sick. Dad threw me a meaty high five, ruffled my hair, and told me to go get 'em. He bragged that he was going to smash his 'down-run' record of 73 minutes. My father bent over backwards to stretch his back out and after loud groaning and an unhealthy cracking sound from his vertebrae, he leapt back into the driver's seat and raced off looking inspired. As I hauled my belongings through the archway and into the quad I bemoaned the lack of any slaves to help with the carrying and general service. 突破了75分钟的大关。我踉踉跄跄地从副驾驶座上走了出来，感觉自己非常高兴，但又有点晕车。爸爸向我击掌，揉了揉我的头发，叫我去找他们。他吹嘘说，他将打破他73分钟的“下滑”记录。我父亲向后弯腰伸展背部，在大声呻吟和椎骨发出不健康的破裂声后，他跳回驾驶座，看起来受到启发。当我拖着我的东西穿过拱门进入四边形时，我哀叹没有任何奴隶来帮助搬运和一般服务。
I dumped my bags in my room and returned to the house to make a cup of tea in the annexe. Surprisingly, the light was on when I opened the door of the cop shop although it was only when I registered the deafening shout of 'Spud!' that it became evident I wasn't alone. 我把行李扔在房间里，回到屋子里，在附楼泡了一杯茶。令人惊讶的是，当我打开警察商店的门时，灯亮着，尽管直到我听到震耳欲聋的“Spud！”的喊叫声时，我才意识到我并不孤单。
I gaped at the Malawian for some time without saying anything. 我盯着马拉维人看了一会儿，什么也没说。
'What are you doing here?' I spluttered eventually. “你在这里做什么？”我最终还是吐了一口水。
'I've been made a prefect,' replied Garlic, his face pinking with excitement. “我被任命为省长，”大蒜回答说，他的脸因兴奋而变得粉红色。
I staggered back against the door in astonishment and felt the burning sensation of hot tea spilling over the sides of the mug and scalding my fingers. 我惊讶地踉踉跄跄地靠在门上，感觉到热茶溢出杯子侧面并烫伤手指的灼热感。
'You're a prefect?' I asked in a voice of dread and confusion. “你是知府？”我用恐惧和困惑的声音问道。
'For the whole weekend,' replied the Malawian, punching the air with his fist. “整个周末，”马拉维人回答说，用拳头捶打空气。
'So you're an acting prefect then?' I corrected. “那你是代理省长？”我纠正了。
'I'm a proper prefect until Monday night,' he corrected me in turn. 'So that's exactly 101 hours of prefectship from the moment I arrived this afternoon until 11:59 on Monday night.' “在星期一晚上之前，我是一个合格的级长，”他反过来纠正我。“所以从我今天下午到达的那一刻到周一晚上11点59分，这正好是101个小时的省长。
'Congratulations,' I said slipping into my favourite armchair and feeling a little more comfortable about “恭喜你，”我说，溜进我最喜欢的扶手椅，感觉舒服了一点
things. 事情。
'It's a massive honour,' he added, before setting off at length about his predictably amazing holiday on the banks of Lake Malawl. “这是一个巨大的荣誉，”他补充道，然后详细地开始了他在马拉维尔湖畔的可预见的美妙假期。
'How was your holiday, Spud? “你的假期过得怎么样，Spud？
I sipped casually at my tea and said, 'I kissed a girl in the mountains.' 我漫不经心地抿了一口茶，说：“我在山上吻了一个女孩。
'Wow!' gasped Garlic. “哇！”大蒜倒吸了一口凉气。
I nodded and sipped at my tea. 我点了点头，抿了一口茶。
'Did you bone her?' he asked. “你给她骨头了吗？”他问。
'Of course not!' I replied angrily. “当然不是！”我生气地回答。
'Did you squeeze her gaboonies?' he demanded. “你挤了她的胳膊吗？”他问道。
'None of your business,' I snapped, and fixed the Malawian with a malevolent glare. “不关你的事，”我厉声说，用恶毒的目光盯着马拉维人。
Garlic backed down and looked a little sheepish. 大蒜往后退了一步，看起来有点羞涩。
'Sorry,' he said. 'Just checking.' “对不起，”他说。“只是检查一下。”
I finished my tea and contemplated the situation I now found myself in. 我喝完了茶，思考着我现在所处的境地。
'So who else is a prefect for this weekend?' I asked. “那么这个周末还有谁是级长呢？”我问。
'Just the three of us,' replied Garlic. “只有我们三个人，”大蒜回答。
'Three?' I questioned. “三个？”我问道。
'Eggwhites also coming back early.' “蛋清也早点回来了。”
I tried my best not to snigger but couldn't restrain a few snorts of laughter when Garlic confirmed that Missing Eggwhite was due back at any minute and even glanced across at the door expectantly. 我尽量不傻笑，但当大蒜确认失踪的蛋清随时都会回来时，我忍不住笑了几声，甚至期待地瞥了一眼门口。
Friday 16th April 4月16日星期五
09:30 'While we wait for Eggwhite,' intoned Viking glancing at his watch, 'let me once again thank you both for sacrificing your holidays to offer up service to the house. 09：30 “在我们等蛋清的时候，”维京瞥了一眼手表，“让我再次感谢你们俩牺牲了假期来为房子服务。
Viking bemoaned the series of unforeseen and unfortunate events that had kept Simon, Rambo, Fatty and Boggo from joining in this weekend. 维京对一系列不可预见和不幸的事件感到遗憾，这些事件使西蒙、兰博、法特和博戈无法参加本周末的比赛。
'Poor Brown is marooned in Florence thanks to “可怜的布朗被困在佛罗伦萨，这要归功于
a band of gypsies stealing his family's money and passports,' he declared with some measure of distaste. 'Fatty's grandfather sadly passed away last weekend and Black is in a race against time to be fit for the rugby season after being struck down with a nasty bout of tick bite fever.' 一群吉普赛人偷走了他家的钱和护照，“他带着某种程度的厌恶宣布。“胖子的祖父上周末不幸去世了，布莱克正在与时间赛跑，以适应橄榄球赛季，因为他被蜱虫叮咬热击倒了。
'What happened to Boggo?' asked Garlic. “博戈怎么了？”大蒜问道。
'Greenstein has dedicated his entire holidays to helping leukaemia sufferers at a local hospice,' replied Viking solemnly. 'I couldn't in all conscience drag him back to school and let the patients down.' “格林斯坦把他的整个假期都奉献给了帮助当地临终关怀医院的白血病患者，”维京严肃地回答。“我不能凭良心把他拖回学校，让病人失望。
I marvelled at two things: 我惊叹于两件事：
Viking"s gullibility 维京人的轻信
The ability of my peers to think of brilliant excuses off the cuff at the crack of dawn when confronted by Mr Shouty 我的同龄人在黎明时分面对 Shouty 先生时，能够想出绝妙的借口
'What about Vern? Why couldn't he be here?' demanded Garlic. “弗恩呢？他为什么不能在这里？“大蒜问道。
Viking fixed the Malawian with a deadly stare before uttering, 'Garlic, I hardly think Blackadder is the type of role model to show off to prospective new boys.' 维京用致命的目光盯着马拉维人，然后说：“大蒜，我几乎不认为布莱克阿德是那种可以向未来的新男孩炫耀的榜样。
'So Milton, Eggwhite and I are role models, sir?' responded Garlic, his face flushing pink with pride. “所以米尔顿、蛋清和我是榜样，先生？”大蒜回答说，他的脸因骄傲而泛红。
Viking scratched his beard and looked pained at the mention of Missing Eggwhite's name. He stood up sharply, marched past us, and flung open the door. He glanced up and down the cloisters before roaring, 'Eggwhite! 维京捋了捋胡须，一提到蛋清失踪的名字，就显得很痛苦。他猛地站起来，从我们身边走过，甩开了门。他上下扫视了一眼回廊，然后咆哮道：“蛋清！
There was no response other than the scattering of a few startled rock pigeons in the eaves above. Viking slammed the door and returned to his desk shaking his head in utter perplexity. 除了上面屋檐上散落着几只受惊的岩鸽外，没有任何反应。维京砰的一声关上了门，回到办公桌前，困惑地摇了摇头。
14:30 I was astonished by how small and young these 14：30 我惊讶于这些小而年轻
prep school kids looked. They made the Harmless HalfDozen look like grizzled veterans which, considering their complete lack of intimidation factor, is saying something. 预备班的孩子们看了看。他们让无害的六打看起来像白发苍苍的老兵，考虑到他们完全没有恐吓因素，这是在说些什么。
Viking kicked off proceedings with shouted welcomes and introductions. Despite recently declaring that he was cured of his morbid phobia about a naked boy committing suicide, he nevertheless listed eleven drawbacks of killing oneself. My thoughts began to drift but I was soon shaken back to reality by Viking saying, 'Milton, I'm sure you have more than a few words to share with these fine young lads?' 维京人以高喊的欢迎和介绍拉开了会议的序幕。儘管他最近宣佈他已經痊癒了對一個裸體男孩自殺的病態恐懼症，但他還是列出了自殺的十一個弊端。我的思绪开始飘忽不定，但维京人说：“米尔顿，我相信你有几句话要和这些优秀的小伙子分享吗？
After a scratchy start, including a knack jump (where did that come from?), I gradually found my groove and set forth on a lively yet convincing overview of the school. Viking seemed highly impressed with my impromptu speech, except for the part where I mentioned that the first year at the school might be tough, for it was a mere few seconds later that he cleared his throat and tapped his watch to indicate that my time was up. 在经历了一个艰难的开始之后，包括一个诀窍的跳跃（这是从哪里来的？），我逐渐找到了自己的节奏，并开始对学校进行生动而令人信服的概述。维京似乎对我的即兴演讲印象深刻，除了我提到在学校的第一年可能很艰难，因为仅仅几秒钟后，他清了清嗓子，敲了敲手表，表示我的时间到了。
Viking introduced Garlic as a 'special weekend prefect' and encouraged him to step forward and say a few words after me. The Malawian might also have been allowing his thoughts to wander because he shouted 'Me?' and looked around like he didn't know what was cracking. He grew extremely pink in the face before kicking off with his introduction. 维京介绍大蒜是“特别的周末级长”，并鼓励他走上前来，跟着我说几句话。马拉维人也可能让他的思绪飘忽不定，因为他大喊“我？”并环顾四周，好像他不知道发生了什么。在开始介绍之前，他的脸变得非常粉红色。
'I'm Garth Garlic!' he blurted, like he was talking to three year olds. 'And I come from Malawi!' His face broke into a broad grin and he shouted, "Hands up all those who've been to Malawi!' None of the boys lifted their hands and poor Garlic gaped at them like this was the very last response he expected. He turned to me and “我是Garth Garlic！”他脱口而出，就像在和三岁的孩子说话一样。“我来自马拉维！”他的脸上露出了灿烂的笑容，他喊道：“所有去过马拉维的人举起手来！没有一个男孩举起手，可怜的大蒜瞪大了眼睛看着他们，好像这是他所期望的最后反应。他转向我，
shook his head like the world had gone crazy. 他摇了摇头，仿佛整个世界都疯了。
'Where is Malawi?' he demanded, changing tack slightly. “马拉维在哪里？”他问道，略微改变了策略。
There was much whispering and shaking of heads but nobody answered. 有很多窃窃私语和摇头，但没有人回答。
'Come on!' roared Garlic in disbelief. 'You must have heard of Malawi?' “来吧！”大蒜难以置信地吼道。“你一定听说过马拉维吧？”
There was a good deal of nervous muttering but nobody raised their hand. 有很多紧张的嘀咕声，但没有人举手。
'Nobody?' gasped Garlic, appalled, and looked set to continue with his loud Malawi interrogation until he was sawn off by Viking who said firmly, 'Thank you very much for that, Garlic.' “没人？”大蒜惊骇地喘着粗气，看起来要继续他大声的马拉维审讯，直到他被维京人锯掉，维京人坚定地说，“非常感谢你，大蒜。
Viking ended the meeting and the youngsters were packed off to the chapel where Reverend Bishop and the school wind band lay in wait. 维京人结束了会议，年轻人被挤到教堂，毕晓普牧师和学校管乐队在那里等待。
19:00 The evening film show turned out to be a dreadful let-down. Everybody was expecting a Hollywood blockbuster but it turned out to be a badly filmed school promotional video directed and narrated by The Glock. The headmaster had cast himself in just about every single scene of the film which, if I'm honest, amounted to The Glock striking a number of different poses around the school and banging on about what an excellent place it was. In fact I'm not even sure that this dismal effort could be regarded as a film at all. Some of the more disturbing scenes were: 19：00 晚上的电影放映结果令人失望。每个人都在期待一部好莱坞大片，但结果却是一部由格洛克导演和旁白的糟糕学校宣传视频。校长几乎参与了电影的每一个场景，老实说，这相当于格洛克在学校里摆出许多不同的姿势，并大肆宣扬这是一个多么好的地方。事实上，我甚至不确定这种令人沮丧的努力是否可以被视为一部电影。一些更令人不安的场景是：
The Glock swimming numerous laps of the school pool in his Speedo 格洛克在他的Speedo中在学校游泳池里游了好几圈
The Glock wearing the first team rugby jersey and scoring a try under the poles to the sound of canned applause 格洛克身穿一线队橄榄球球衣，在罐头掌声中在杆子下尝试得分
The Glock dressed in full school uniform and pretending to be a new boy studying the school rules in bed 格洛克穿着全套校服，假装是一个新来的男孩，在床上学习校规
The Glock being hoisted aloft by a number of unhappy boys who had clearly been coerced into it 格洛克被一些不快乐的男孩高高举起，他们显然是被胁迫进去的
The Glock enjoying being licked in the face by Mr Lilly's poodle 格洛克喜欢被莉莉先生的贵宾犬舔脸
If I were Sparerib I never would have identified myself as the cinematographer in the credits. 如果我是Sparerib，我永远不会在演职员表中将自己认定为电影摄影师。
Sunday 18th April 4月18日星期日
09:30 Viking accosted me after chapel and demanded to know what my final house play selection was. I had to concede that although down to a shortlist, I hadn't made my final pick yet. I didn't expect my housemaster to become so agitated about the situation. He advised me to send Garlic out on the hike with the prospective new boys (now nicknamed the Small 24) while I read through my shortlist of plays once more. 09：30 维京在礼拜后搭讪我，要求知道我最后的房屋游戏选择是什么。我不得不承认，虽然我进入了候选名单，但我还没有做出最终选择。我没想到我的管家会对这种情况变得如此激动。他建议我让大蒜和未来的新男孩（现在绰号小24）一起远足，而我则再次阅读了我的候选剧本。
12:30 Viking thundered on my door and demanded to know the whereabouts of Garlic and the Small 24. They were meant to be back at noon and despite all the other groups returning there was no sign of ours. 12：30 维京人在我的门上轰鸣，要求知道大蒜和小24的下落。他们本来应该在中午回来的，尽管所有其他团体都回来了，但没有我们的迹象。
12:45 A panicked Viking hauled me into his office and insisted we were facing a monumental crisis. 12：45 惊慌失措的维京人把我拖进他的办公室，坚称我们正面临一场巨大的危机。
'The parents are coming at half past twol' he cried. 'I can't just tell these people that their children are missing in the hills with Garlic, can I?' “父母两点半就来了，”他喊道。“我不能只是告诉这些人，他们的孩子和大蒜一起在山上失踪了，对吧？”
I studied my watch closely with a worried expression. 我仔细端详着手表，表情忧心忡忡。
13:00 The siren sounded for lunch and Viking's panic began to turn ugly. 13：00 午餐的警笛声响起，维京人的恐慌开始变得难看。
'So help me God!' he rampaged. 'When I find that Garlic I'm going to slaughter him. “所以，上帝，请帮助我！”他横冲直撞。“当我找到那只大蒜时，我要宰了他。
13:15 Viking was in a terrible state. With only 75 minutes until the arrival of the parents things were becoming desperate. We raced off in his red Alfa Romeo kicking up large clouds of dust behind us. 13：15 维京人处于可怕的状态。距离父母的到来只有75分钟，事情变得绝望了。我们开着他的红色阿尔法罗密欧飞驰而去，在我们身后扬起了大片的尘土。
'Top of the hill should provide a view, Milton,' he shouted above the roar of the engine. He passed me his binoculars and told me to keep scanning the hillsides. I kept the binoculars trained and pretended to scan around but all I could see was a green blur and a wall of brown dust. Garlic and the Small 24 were nowhere to be found. “山顶应该能看到风景，米尔顿，”他在引擎的轰鸣声中喊道。他把他的双筒望远镜递给我，叫我继续扫视山坡。我训练有素地使用双筒望远镜，假装四处扫视，但我能看到的只是一片绿色的模糊和一堵棕色的灰尘墙。大蒜和小24无处可寻。
13:45 Our thirty minutes of racing around the Midlands achieved nothing other than setting off a number of red warning lights on the Alfa's dashboard. 13：45 我们在中部地区进行了三十分钟的比赛，除了在阿尔法的仪表板上点亮了一些红色警告灯外，什么也没实现。
Viking resigned himself to his fate. 维京人听天由命。
'The headmaster is going to have my head,' he muttered with dread lining his voice. “校长要把我的头砍掉，”他咕哝着，声音里带着恐惧。
I tried to cheer him up by pointing out that Garlic's blunder wasn't his fault, but he looked at me like I was clueless. 我试图让他振作起来，指出大蒜的错误不是他的错，但他看着我，就像我一无所知一样。
'Headmaster's been planning this weekend for ten months,' he said. 'That's longer than a human pregnancy.' “校长已经计划了这个周末十个月了，”他说。“这比人类怀孕的时间还要长。”
We turned the corner with a screech and nearly ran into a crowd of sprinting boys in the middle of the road following a larger boy with white hair and pink face who was galloping towards the school gates: 我们尖叫着转过拐角，差点撞到马路中间一群冲刺的男孩，后面跟着一个白头发粉脸的大男孩，他正向校门疾驰而去：
'Thank cock!' screamed Viking his right hand clasped across his chest. “谢谢鸡巴！”维京尖叫着，他的右手紧握在胸前。
He swerved violently around the boys and sped ahead to pull level with the Malawian who nearly fell over when the great bearded head of Viking leered out of the car window and commenced with the mother of all tirades. After driving alongside and lambasting Garlic for over , the irate housemaster sped ahead while barking instructions at me. 他猛烈地绕过男孩们，加速向前拉，与马拉维人齐平，当维京人的大胡子头从车窗里探出头来，开始与所有长篇大论的母亲一起开始时，马拉维人差点摔倒。在开车并抨击大蒜之后 ，愤怒的管家一边冲着我吼叫一边加速前进。
'Milton, you make sure these boys are showered, dressed and packed up by 14:20 and I'll have a word with the caterer about a late lunch! Gol Go! Go!' “米尔顿，你确保这些男孩在14：20之前洗完澡，穿好衣服，收拾好东西，我会和餐饮服务商谈谈晚午餐的事情！咕噜咕噜！去吧！
14:45 Viking collapsed onto the house bench after the last of the Small 24 had been claimed by their parents. 'What an ordeal, Milton,' he gasped, taking a few deep breaths and looking a little more human. 'Right,' he said getting to his feet in a determined fashion. 'Send Garlic to my office immediately.' 14：45 维京人倒在房子的长凳上，因为他们的父母认领了小 24 人中的最后一个。“真是个折磨，弥尔顿，”他喘着粗气，深吸了几口气，看起来更像人了。“对，”他坚定地站起来。“马上把大蒜送到我的办公室去。”
15:05 I opened my door to be confronted by a large tear-stained face. 15：05 我打开门，面对着一张满是泪痕的大脸。
'I've been de-prefected,' Garlic stammered, stifling a sob. 'A whole day early.' “我被取消了，”大蒜结结巴巴地说，压抑着抽泣。“提前了一整天。”
'Sorry,' I said. “对不起，”我说。
'All my special weekend prefect privileges have been revoked,' he sighed. “我所有的周末级长特权都被取消了，”他叹了口气。
'Sorry,' I said again. “对不起，”我又说了一遍。
'You mind if I make myself a cup of tea and hang snake in the cop shop for old times' sake?' “你介意我给自己泡杯茶，把蛇挂在警察店里，看在旧时光的份上吗？”
'Go ahead,' I replied. “去吧，”我回答。
'Thanks, Spud,' he said and with a loud sniff he turned and walked sadly away. “谢谢，斯普德，”他说，然后大声嗅了嗅，转身伤心地走开了。
Monday 19th April 4月19日星期一
CRAZY EIGHT HOLIDAY SCORECARD 疯狂八假日记分卡
RAMBO Stayed in a luxury hotel at the 兰博 住在一家豪华酒店
Victoria Falls with his dad and 维多利亚瀑布和他爸爸和
stepmother, where he didn't contract 继母，他没有签约
tick bite fever. After a head shave 蜱虫叮咬热。剃头后
on number two he's taken on the 在第二位，他选择了
appearance of a wanted criminal. 通缉犯的出现。
Spent Easter in Tuscany which he 在托斯卡纳度过了复活节，他
said wasn't all that bad. Although 赛义德并没有那么糟糕。虽然
a young gypsy had attempted to 一个年轻的吉普赛人曾试图
steal Simon's wallet, the thief wasn't 偷了西蒙的钱包，小偷不是
successful and he was roughed up 成功了，他被粗暴对待
by Simon's dad, a passing priest 西蒙的父亲，一位路过的牧师
and numerous bystanders. 和众多旁观者。
Wasn't very communicative about 不是很善于沟通
his holidays. In fact he seemed 他的假期。事实上，他似乎
terribly depressed and on the verge 非常沮丧，濒临崩溃
of tears. I assume his grandfather 的眼泪。我猜是他的爷爷
really did die. 真的死了。
WATTY Worked the entire holiday in his WATTY 整个假期都在他工作
stepdad's betting tote. He says he's 继父的投注手提包。他说他是
saving up so that he can splash out 攒钱，这样他就可以挥霍了
next year in Amsterdam where he 明年在阿姆斯特丹，他在那里
plans to sample every prostitute in 计划对每个进行抽样
Holland twice. When asked about his 荷兰两次。当被问及他的
work with the leukaemia patients he 与白血病患者一起工作
laughed so hard that he snorted tea 笑得哼了一声茶
out of his nose and had to leave the 从他的鼻子里出来，不得不离开
cop shop. 警察商店。
The only boy in the school's history 学校历史上唯一的男孩
to be prefected and de-prefected 被完善和取消被完善
during a holiday. 在假期期间。
Made a strong emotional connection 建立了牢固的情感联系
with (and kissed) a girl called Leanne 和（并亲吻）一个叫莉安的女孩
under the stars in the mountains. 在山中的星空下。
Vern shouted 'Mozambiquel' during Vern 在
a lull in conversation. He proceeded 谈话中一片平静。他继续说
to muddy the waters somewhat by 使水有点浑浊
repeating the word 'Helsinki' into 将“赫尔辛基”一词重复到
the vacant fireplace and listening 空荡荡的壁炉和聆听
carefully for an echo. It's still more 小心翼翼地寻找回声。还有更多
likely that Vern went to Mozambique 很可能 Vern 去了莫桑比克
than Helsinki. 比赫尔辛基。
Tomorrow I turn seventeen years old. It certainly feels like a massive leap forward from sixteen which now 明天我就十七岁了。这当然感觉像是从现在的 16 岁开始的巨大飞跃
seems embarrassingly young. As of tomorrow I can legally drive a car (providing I pass the learner's test and have a licensed driver in the vehicle with me at all times). Still, it's a major milestone and leaves me just twelve months short of finally being classed an adult. I'm sure somebody has a sneaky and vile surprise lying in wait for me tomorrow but I plan to unleash a counterattack of terminator proportions. 看起来很尴尬年轻。从明天开始，我可以合法驾驶汽车（前提是我通过了学习者的考试，并且始终有一名有执照的司机在车内）。尽管如此，这仍然是一个重要的里程碑，让我距离最终被归类为成年人只有十二个月的时间。我敢肯定，明天有人会有一个鬼鬼祟祟的、卑鄙的惊喜在等着我，但我打算发动终结者规模的反击。
This will be my last birthday as a schoolboy. 这将是我作为小学生的最后一个生日。
Any thoughts that my birthday would be forgotten were blown out of the water when Albert Schweitzer charged into my room minutes before the rising siren brandishing a birthday present. I thanked him for the jar of Peck's Anchovette and my slave responded by snatching it back and neatly stashing it on the shelf with my other provisions. 当阿尔伯特·史怀哲（Albert Schweitzer）挥舞着生日礼物的警笛声响起前几分钟冲进我的房间时，任何关于我的生日会被遗忘的想法都被吹走了。我感谢他送来的一罐佩克凤尾鱼，我的仆人把它抢了回来，整齐地把它和我的其他食物一起藏在架子上。
The Fragile Five sang happy birthday to me in the showers which I later discovered to be a case of brownnosing because Simon bust them having a pillow fight last night and they wanted to curry favour with the prefects and avoid punishment. 脆弱的五人在淋浴时为我唱生日快乐歌，后来我发现这是一个褐色的案例，因为西蒙昨晚打了一场枕头大战，他们想讨好级长，避免受到惩罚。
After roll call I was approached by most of the Normal Seven. My instinct was to back away, thinking they were the lynch mob coming to capture me. As it turned out they only wanted to shake my hand and wish me well. I'm thoroughly unsettled by all the friendliness. As Boggo says, when somebody around here pats you on the back he's only looking for the perfect spot to plunge the knife. 点名后，大多数普通七人组都找上了我。我的本能是后退，以为他们是来抓我的私刑暴徒。事实证明，他们只想和我握手，祝我一切顺利。我对所有的友好感到非常不安。正如 Boggo 所说，当这里有人拍拍你的背时，他只是在寻找一个完美的插刀位置。