日常沟通中，我发现人们对学校能做到什么是不清楚的。很多人认为教育就是学校的事情，而不应该给家庭增加负担。人们期待学习这件事，应该完全让老师管起来。但这种期待其实是不现实的。
In everyday communication, I find that people are unclear about what schools can achieve. Many people believe that education is solely the responsibility of schools and should not add a burden to families. People expect that learning should be entirely managed by teachers. However, this expectation is actually unrealistic.

你学过我们的《智慧星球》课程，应该知道一个孩子的心智和心理成长是一个很多因素影响的系统工程，需要社会、家庭、学校三方面的共同努力。
If you have taken our "Wisdom Planet" course, you should know that the mental and psychological growth of a child is a complex system influenced by many factors, requiring the joint efforts of society, family, and school.

学习真的单单是学校的事吗？家庭的长久塑造作用 Is learning really just the responsibility of schools? The long-term shaping role of the family

家庭环境因素的各项排序来自孩子成长需求，而不是按照能否提高分数来排。也就是说，儿童首先是一个生命，他必须先满足情感关爱互动的需要，自由玩耍的需要，这是情感和心灵的需要，还要保证充足的体育运动、睡眠、营养的基本身体需要，孩子才能作为一个身心健康的生命体健康蓬勃地生活着，感受生命的快乐。
The ranking of family environmental factors comes from the needs of children's growth, not based on whether they can improve scores. In other words, a child is first a living being who must first meet the needs for emotional care and interaction, the need for free play, which are emotional and spiritual needs, and also ensure sufficient physical exercise, sleep, and nutrition as basic physical needs. Only then can a child live healthily and vigorously as a physically and mentally healthy being, experiencing the joy of life.

满足了好好活着这一大前提，生命才能产生可以胜任的力量感，对这个世界产生亲近感、进而有兴趣去了解和探索，也就是产生求知欲。情感贫困的生命体，状态是瑟缩防御的，是怠惰冷漠的。让心灵贫困，情感匮乏的儿童好好学习，就好像让连续饿了三天的乞丐，先去做100道口算题，全做对了才给吃饭一样。
Once the fundamental premise of living well is met, life can generate a sense of competence, a sense of closeness to the world, and thus an interest in understanding and exploring, which is the emergence of curiosity. A life form impoverished in emotions is in a state of withdrawal and defense, laziness, and indifference. Asking emotionally impoverished children to study well is like asking a beggar who has been hungry for three days to first solve 100 mental arithmetic problems correctly before being allowed to eat.

孩子是人，人和其他社会动物一样，存在的首要需求就是情感与认同。如果小孩喜欢的书和动画片被大人视为无用和幼稚，拿不到台面上，那他就不得不到学校来找别的孩子交流，课间聊不够就要到课上聊。如果在家不允许他自由玩耍，想得到自由快乐、释放精力，就只好到学校、到同学中间来寻找快乐和释放精力。在家说什么都被评判，得不到理解和认同，就要来学校寻找认同，结成朋友圈，那么就无法抑制地要说话。情感上要是饿的实在厉害，那就需要双倍的时间去同学中寻找满足，课间说不完课上还要说。
Children are human beings, and like other social animals, their primary need is for emotion and recognition. If the books and cartoons a child likes are considered useless and childish by adults, and not taken seriously, the child will have to go to school to find other children to communicate with, and if they can't talk enough during breaks, they will talk during class. If they are not allowed to play freely at home and want to experience freedom and happiness and release energy, they will have to seek happiness and release energy at school and among classmates. If everything they say at home is judged and they can't get understanding and recognition, they will seek recognition at school and form a circle of friends, which will make it impossible to stop talking. If they are emotionally starved, they will need double the time to seek satisfaction from classmates, talking during breaks and continuing during class.

心智和情感健全，才能很好地完成学业—学校也能做一些事
Only with a sound mind and emotions can one successfully complete their studies—schools can also do something.

有同学回复说：啊？！老师你小时候竟然一个班30个人？也太奢侈了啊！
A classmate replied: What?! Teacher, you had 30 people in a class when you were young? That's too extravagant!

我记得我初中有一段时间班里塞了120个人，我现在有点怀疑自己是不是记错了，但我肯定记得一张桌子三个人，一排左右各放一张桌子，中间有三或两张连起来。可能有8到10排。排名靠后的几十个学生班主任是完全放弃了的，大概有四分之一的人都没上得了高中。
I remember there was a time in middle school when our class was crammed with 120 people. I now doubt if I remember it wrong, but I definitely recall three people sharing one desk, with one desk on each side of the row, and two or three desks joined in the middle. There might have been 8 to 10 rows. The class teacher completely gave up on the dozens of students who ranked lower, and about a quarter of them didn't make it to high school.

我认为一个班三四十个孩子，已经是“交互式”教学的极限了，多于这个人数，就基本谈不上什么课堂互动环节和个性化关注。我小时候，班级规模都不大，从小学到大学，班级里从来没有纪律问题。老师不需要维持纪律，没有出言不逊的学生，老师也不需要生气。孩子们心目中把老师看得极高，没人有那个心。因为没有一位老师会讲难听话、忍心对孩子不好。我小时候多动症，淘气主意特别多，话也特别多。但我上课会约束自己，就是觉得老师正关注着我，对我期望很高，如果我表现不好会令老师失望，那是绝对不能承受的。其他孩子也一样，因为感觉老师在意着、关注着自己，所以不能让老师失望，因此整体纪律就没有问题。情感纽带和认同这种东西，看起来好像非常虚，但它确实能改变行为。
I believe that a class of thirty to forty children is already the limit for "interactive" teaching. Beyond this number, there is basically no classroom interaction or personalized attention. When I was young, class sizes were not large, from elementary school to university, there were never any discipline issues in the class. Teachers didn't need to maintain discipline, there were no disrespectful students, and teachers didn't need to get angry. In the children's minds, teachers were held in high regard, and no one had the heart to disrespect them. No teacher would speak harshly or be unkind to children. I was hyperactive as a child, full of mischievous ideas, and talked a lot. But I would restrain myself in class because I felt the teacher was paying attention to me and had high expectations of me. If I didn't perform well, it would disappoint the teacher, which was absolutely unbearable. Other children felt the same way because they felt the teacher cared about and paid attention to them, so they couldn't let the teacher down, and thus overall discipline was not an issue. Emotional bonds and recognition may seem intangible, but they can indeed change behavior.

那时候的小学不但有家长会，还有家访，老师到每一个家庭里跟家长促膝谈心，了解每个孩子的家庭环境和问题，课堂上老师也能给学生真切感知到的个人关注。那时候的教育氛围，跟苏霍姆林斯基《把整颗心献给孩子》中写的十分接近，虽然没那么浪漫，但师生间确实存在真切的、人与人之间的情感纽带，内在的情感和人性化，支撑了外在的纪律和分数指标。
Back then, elementary schools not only had parent-teacher meetings but also home visits. Teachers would visit each family to have heart-to-heart talks with parents, understanding each child's family environment and issues. In the classroom, teachers could also provide students with a genuine sense of personal attention. The educational atmosphere at that time was very close to what Sukhomlinsky described in "To Give One's Whole Heart to the Children." Although it wasn't as romantic, there was indeed a genuine emotional bond between teachers and students, and the internal emotions and humanization supported the external discipline and score metrics.

读研时，有位老师一上课所有学生都会忍不住一起开始讲话，把课堂变成其乐融融的茶话会，他讲他的，学生在下面交流学生的。他本人业务水平很高，人也很好，但首先，那是大课，人太多，都看不清后排人的脸。其次，大家都清楚他不会记得谁是谁。跟学生没有互动，没有情感联结，就容易出现纪律失控的问题，哪怕是学习基础非常好的学生。但如果班级整体基础欠账太多，大部分人对学习只有厌倦，那恐怕是要一群有超强爱心和执行力的老师，还要能够教育家长，课后做到支持配合，大家要一起付出卓绝的努力才能改变了。如果你无法脱离混乱班级，就先让孩子坐到第一排。
During my graduate studies, there was a teacher whose class would inevitably turn into a lively tea party, with everyone starting to talk as soon as the class began. He would lecture, and students would chat among themselves. He was very skilled and a good person, but first of all, it was a large class, with so many people that you couldn't even see the faces of those in the back row. Secondly, everyone knew he wouldn't remember who was who. Without interaction with students and emotional connections, discipline issues easily arose, even among students with a very good academic foundation. But if the overall class foundation is lacking, and most people are only bored with learning, it would take a group of teachers with extraordinary love and execution ability, who can also educate parents and provide support and cooperation after class, to make a change. If you can't escape a chaotic class, let the child sit in the front row first.

课堂是一个神奇的地方，台下的几十个孩子内心的活动，某个小孩瞬间微妙的眼神，他的脑子有没有在思考，心有没有跟上，有没有被内容触动，老师在上面一目了然。老师一个成年人站在上面，他有没有看见每个孩子，自己对知识有没有热爱，心里是冷漠功利的还是宽厚关爱的，学生也一目了然。可是现在这种亲其师信其道的淳厚的情感关联，什么时候失去了呢？也许被太多东西冲散了。
The classroom is a magical place. The activities in the hearts of dozens of children below, the subtle glances of a child in an instant, whether their minds are thinking, whether their hearts are keeping up, whether they are touched by the content, the teacher can see it all clearly from above. A teacher, an adult, stands above, whether they see each child, whether they have a love for knowledge, whether their heart is indifferent and utilitarian or generous and caring, the students can also see it clearly. But now, when did this sincere emotional connection of respecting the teacher and believing in their teachings get lost? Perhaps it was scattered by too many things.

今天的孩子有新的困难，需要家庭和学校共同面对 Today's children face new difficulties that require the joint efforts of families and schools.

家庭现在也遇到很大的困难。如果真的像过去那样，父母完全忙于农活和家务，孩子尚且有上山下河、跟小伙伴疯跑，爬树玩泥巴的自由，身心反而更能成长得平衡健全。今天面对的新的麻烦是，很多孩子从婴幼儿时期起，就被塞个手机，小孩还没入学，注意力早已稀碎。对静态的文字符号和有认知负荷的思考和推理耐受度极低。
Families are also facing great difficulties now. If it were really like in the past, where parents were completely busy with farm work and housework, children would still have the freedom to run up the mountains and down the rivers, run wild with friends, climb trees, and play in the mud, and their physical and mental growth would be more balanced and healthy. The new trouble faced today is that many children, from infancy, are given a mobile phone, and before they even start school, their attention is already fragmented. They have extremely low tolerance for static text symbols and cognitive load thinking and reasoning.

有的大人对知识已经淡漠了好奇与兴趣，但却将生存的焦虑投射到了孩子的分数上，所以虽然盯着孩子写作业，却没有心思寻找乐趣调整方式，而是动辄高压失控。就这样，被手机喂大的、注意力稀碎的孩子遇上了内心积蓄了大量委屈、一点就炸的大人，结果就是在学习中不断感受到枯燥和压力，无法在探索未知上得到乐趣，无法从学习和思考中得到多少肯定和成就感，那学习在他们看来，自然就是只想逃脱的苦差事。（如何能以有乐趣的方式搞定学习，详见《智慧星球》课程）在学校里闹腾的孩子，实际上是在自救。他们在自己动手，自力更生，满足自己生命的第一需要——情感认同和快乐，同时逃避痛苦。追逐快乐逃避痛苦，这是任何生命都有的自然本能。
Some adults have become indifferent to curiosity and interest in knowledge, but they project their anxiety about survival onto their children's grades. So, although they watch their children do homework, they have no mind to find fun or adjust methods, instead resorting to high pressure and losing control at the slightest provocation. In this way, children raised on mobile phones with fragmented attention meet adults who have accumulated a lot of grievances and explode at the slightest trigger. The result is that they constantly feel boredom and pressure in learning, unable to find joy in exploring the unknown, and unable to gain much affirmation and a sense of achievement from learning and thinking. Naturally, learning becomes a chore they just want to escape from. (For how to tackle learning in a fun way, see the "Wisdom Planet" course.) The children who are noisy in school are actually trying to save themselves. They are doing things themselves, being self-reliant, satisfying their primary need for emotional recognition and happiness, while also avoiding pain. Pursuing happiness and avoiding pain is a natural instinct of any living being.

所以说，在校纪律不好的孩子，经历的不是培训班（金钱）贫困，而是情感贫困、生命贫困和心智贫困。如果一个孩子，身处重重的贫困，还能在学校表现得乖巧听话，求知向上，那年幼的他，一定极大地压抑和克制自己稚嫩的心灵，要付出多么大的精神力量和心理代价啊！他每一天都在过着别人看不到的英雄般的生活。可惜这个孩子默默付出了昂贵代价才维持了平衡的天平没有被大人看见，还在不断被加码。就是成年人，假如不调整方式，不断增加外部压力，也终究会遇到一根稻草。但如果一个孩子情感满足、有支配自己的自由，有好奇和求知的习惯，日常阅读、聚精会神的习惯，那么在学校就没有更多对情感认同和自由的情感匮乏的坑要去填满，更容易会亲近课堂，求知向上，内外的平衡很轻松就能实现。
Therefore, children with poor discipline in school are not experiencing financial poverty from training classes, but emotional poverty, life poverty, and mental poverty. If a child, surrounded by layers of poverty, can still behave obediently and eagerly seek knowledge in school, then the young child must be greatly suppressing and restraining their tender heart, paying a huge mental and psychological price! They live a heroic life unseen by others every day. Unfortunately, the balance that this child maintains at a high cost is not seen by adults and is constantly being added to. Even adults, if they do not adjust their ways and keep increasing external pressure, will eventually encounter a breaking point. But if a child is emotionally satisfied, has the freedom to control themselves, has a habit of curiosity and seeking knowledge, and habits of daily reading and concentration, then there are no more emotional recognition and freedom deficiencies to fill in school, making it easier to be close to the classroom, eager to learn, and achieve internal and external balance effortlessly.

学校对一个人发挥作用，需要内外平衡，达到反应零界点，双方都要努力去向共同目标靠近。如果学生家庭和本人能努力积累70% 的良好生命状态，那么老师可以贡献得出锦上添花的学科知识的 30%，内外合力共同点燃这个个体自身向上的力量。但如果家庭和本人只做一成二成，生命与情感上忍饥挨饿的孩子来学校，恐怕老师不但无法替学生完成另外八十分努力，连那30%的学科知识目标都无法帮学生达成，这个个体自身的链式反应也无法被点燃。老师面对的是几十个孩子，而且必须完成教学进度。如果老师每天花几个小时给某一个学生谈心开导，带他写作业，那其他 39 个学生怎么办？谁给他们改作业备课？
For a school to play its role in a person's life, there needs to be a balance between internal and external factors, reaching a critical point of reaction, with both parties striving towards a common goal. If a student's family and the student themselves can work to accumulate 70% of a good life state, then the teacher can contribute the remaining 30% of academic knowledge to enhance this, with internal and external forces jointly igniting the individual's upward power. However, if the family and the student only contribute 10% or 20%, and the child comes to school emotionally and physically deprived, the teacher may not only be unable to make up the remaining 80% effort for the student but also fail to help the student achieve the 30% academic knowledge goal. The individual's chain reaction cannot be ignited. Teachers face dozens of children and must complete the teaching schedule. If a teacher spends several hours a day counseling and guiding one student, what about the other 39 students? Who will grade their homework and prepare lessons?

一个家庭里只有一个两个孩子，尚且没时间跟他聊天沟通，那么老师同时面对四十多个乃至七十个，一百多个孩子，能否拔一根汗毛变出一百个小老师来？一天中，每科的老师平摊在每个孩子身上的时间累计能不能达到五分钟？还有大量教学任务要完成。如何深入了解这些孩子，去感知他们的特点和需求？满足他们的认同需要？老师一人之力，如何同时改变几十孩子，历经十几年养成的习惯和三观？老师也希望自己是神笔马良，只用一支魔笔，大笔一挥，就能在一张白纸上画出一个崭新的学生，改写十几年来情感和习惯慢慢冲刷出的深深的立体的生命形态。
In a family with only one or two children, there may not be time to chat and communicate with them. How can a teacher, facing more than forty, seventy, or even over a hundred children, possibly transform into a hundred little teachers? In a day, can the time each subject teacher spends on each child even add up to five minutes? There are also a large number of teaching tasks to complete. How can teachers deeply understand these children, perceive their characteristics and needs, and meet their need for recognition? How can a teacher single-handedly change the habits and values that dozens of children have developed over more than ten years? Teachers also wish they were like the magical brush of Ma Liang, able to create a brand-new student with a single stroke, rewriting the deeply ingrained life forms shaped by emotions and habits over more than a decade.

很多时候，虽为人父母，但也是凡人一个，搬得起砖就抱不起孩子。超长工作时间，造成人们精力透支，在家没有办法继续完成另一份教育工作，再付出大量情绪劳动；学校不断扩大规模，老师却没有增加，在师生比过低的班级里，疲于奔命的老师，能分给每个孩子的精力更加捉襟见肘，造成本来就处于匮乏状态的学生更加游离，难以管理。
Many times, although one is a parent, they are also just an ordinary person. If they can carry bricks, they may not be able to hold their child. Long working hours lead to exhaustion, making it impossible to continue another educational task at home and to invest in emotional labor. Schools are constantly expanding, but the number of teachers has not increased. In classes with a low teacher-student ratio, teachers are overwhelmed, and the energy they can devote to each child is even more limited, causing students who are already in a state of scarcity to become more detached and difficult to manage.

家庭能做什么？ What can families do?

按《智慧星球》教的学习方法做好自主学习，简单专注生活，培育健康心灵。
Follow the learning methods taught in "Wisdom Planet" to engage in self-directed learning, live a simple and focused life, and cultivate a healthy mind.

如果自己喜欢读书，就跟孩子每天读一会儿书；每天一起解一个数学谜题，让孩子本人来讲题。如果大人内心并不喜欢读书学习也没什么，功课上给不了帮助，那就给生活做减法。至少做到不要给孩子塞手机，给孩子一个安静、规律、简单的日常生活。带他一起买菜做饭，一起打扫卫生；带他一起去户外玩耍，一起搞体育运动；散步、睡前卧谈，聊聊各自的想法。
If you like reading, read a little with your child every day; solve a math puzzle together every day and let the child explain it. If adults don't really like reading and studying, that's okay, and can't help with homework, then simplify life. At the very least, don't give the child a phone, provide them with a quiet, regular, and simple daily life. Take them grocery shopping and cooking, clean the house together; take them to play outdoors and engage in sports; go for walks, have bedtime talks, and discuss each other's thoughts.

总之，生命需要的是凝神专注，过简单的生活；心灵需要的是空间，少评判，多提问；学习需要的是行动，一起分解任务，商定学习计划。行动起来，自然能消除焦虑。
In short, life requires focus and living simply; the mind needs space, less judgment, and more questions; learning requires action, breaking down tasks together, and agreeing on a study plan. By taking action, anxiety can naturally be eliminated.

处学校就跟处对象一样，如果把人生希望全部寄托在对象身上，往往指望不上。如果自己支棱起来了，对象才能帮你一把。
Being in school is like being in a relationship. If you place all your life's hopes on your partner, it often doesn't work out. If you stand up on your own, your partner can then lend you a hand.

下面这篇是熊友@戴星星同学回忆自己中学时代课堂纪律差的自救过程。也欢迎你在评论区留言，交流你的体验～
The following is a recollection by Bear Friend @Dai Xingxing of their self-rescue process during their middle school days when classroom discipline was poor. You are also welcome to leave a comment and share your experience~

期待你在评论区，留下你的故事～ Looking forward to your story in the comments section~