The Power to Decide How You Feel
決定你感受的力量

Everyone—even the most privileged among us—has life conditions they would like to change. As the early sixth-century Roman philosopher Boethius put it, “One has abundant riches, but is shamed by his ignoble birth. Another is conspicuous for his nobility, but through the embarrassments of poverty would prefer to be obscure. A third, richly endowed with both, laments the loneliness of an unwedded life.”
每個人——甚至是我們當中最有特權的人——都有他們想要改變的生活條件。正如六世紀早期的羅馬哲學家波愛提烏斯所說：「一個人擁有豐富的財富，卻因出身卑微而感到羞恥。另一個人因其高貴而引人注目，但由於貧窮的尷尬而寧願默默無聞。第三種，兩者兼備，哀嘆未婚生活的孤獨。

Sometimes it’s possible to change your circumstances. If you hate your job, you can usually look for a new one. If you are in a bad relationship, you can try to improve it, or leave it. But sometimes it isn’t practical or even possible. Maybe you hate the weather where you live, but you have family there and a good job, so leaving wouldn’t make sense. Maybe you have been diagnosed with a chronic illness for which there are no promising treatment options. Perhaps your romantic partner has left you against your wishes and cannot be persuaded otherwise. Maybe there is something you don’t like about your body that isn’t possible to change. Maybe you are even in prison.
有時，改變你的處境是可能的。如果您討厭自己的工作，通常可以尋找新的工作。如果你們的關係不好，你可以試著改善它，或離開它。但有時這是不切實際的，甚至是不可能的。也許你討厭你所居住的地方的天氣，但你在那裡有家人並且有一份好工作，所以離開沒有意義。也許您被診斷出患有慢性疾病，但沒有有效的治療選擇。也許你的戀人違背你的意願離開了你，並且無法說服他。也許你的身體有一些你不喜歡、無法改變的地方。也許你甚至在監獄裡。

Here, metacognition comes to the rescue. Between the conditions around you and your response to them is a space to think and make decisions. In this space, you have freedom. You can choose to try remodeling the world, or you can start by changing your reaction to it.
在這裡，元認知可以發揮作用。在你周圍的條件和你對它們的反應之間是一個思考和做出決定的空間。在這個空間裡，你有自由。你可以選擇嘗試重塑世界，也可以從改變你對世界的反應開始。

Changing how you experience your negative emotions can be much easier than changing your physical reality, even if it seems unnatural. Your emotions can seem out of your control at the best of times, and even more so during a crisis—which is exactly when managing them would give you the greatest benefit.
改變你體驗負面情緒的方式比改變你的身體現實要容易得多，即使這看起來不自然。即使在最好的時候，你的情緒也可能超出你的控制範圍，在危機期間更是如此——而這正是管理情緒會為你帶來最大好處的時候。

That can be blamed in part on biology. Negative emotions such as anger and fear activate the amygdala, which increases vigilance toward threats and improves your ability to detect and avoid danger. In other words, stress makes you fight, flee, or freeze—not think, “What would a prudent reaction be at this moment? Let’s consider the options.”
這可以部分歸咎於生物學。憤怒和恐懼等負面情緒會激活杏仁核，從而提高對威脅的警覺性，並提高您發現和避免危險的能力。換句話說，壓力會讓你戰鬥、逃跑或僵住——而不是思考「此時此刻謹慎的反應是什麼？讓我們考慮一下選項。

This makes good evolutionary sense: half a million years ago, taking time to manage your emotions would have made you a tiger’s lunch. In the modern world, however, stress and anxiety are usually chronic, not episodic. Odds are, you no longer need your amygdala to help you outrun the tiger without asking your conscious brain’s permission. Instead, you use it to handle the nonlethal problems that pester you all day long. Your work is stressing you out, for example, or you aren’t getting along with your spouse. Even if you don’t have tigers to outrun, you can’t relax in your cave, because these ordinary things are bothering you.
這具有很好的進化意義：50萬年前，花時間管理你的情緒會讓你成為老虎的午餐。然而，在現代世界，壓力和焦慮通常是慢性的，而不是偶發的。很有可能，你不再需要杏仁核來幫助你在沒有徵得你有意識的大腦許可的情況下逃脫老虎的追擊。相反，你用它來處理整天困擾你的非致命問題。例如，你的工作給你帶來了壓力，或者你與配偶相處不好。即使你沒有跑得過老虎，你在洞穴裡也不能放鬆，因為這些平常的事情正在困擾著你。

No surprise, then, that chronic stress often leads to maladaptive coping mechanisms in modern life. These include the misuse of drugs and alcohol, rumination on the sources of stress, self-harm, and self-blaming. These responses don’t just fail to provide long-term relief; they can further compound your problems through addiction, depression, and increased anxiety. What these coping techniques do is try to change the outside world—at least as you perceive it. People who misuse alcohol often say that a few drinks turn off the day’s anxieties like a switch; problems (temporarily) are less threatening.
因此，慢性壓力常常導致現代生活中適應不良的應對機制也就不足為奇了。這些包括濫用毒品和酒精、反思壓力來源、自殘和自責。這些應對措施不僅無法提供長期緩解，而且還無法提供長期緩解。它們會透過成癮、憂鬱和焦慮加劇進一步加劇你的問題。這些應對技巧的作用是試圖改變外在世界——至少在你看來是如此。濫用酒精的人常說，喝幾杯就可以像開關一樣消除一天的焦慮；問題（暫時）的威脅較小。

Metacognition offers a much better, healthier, and more permanent solution. Consider the emotions that your circumstances are stimulating in you. Observe them as if they’re happening to someone else, and accept them. Write them down to make sure they are completely conscious. Then consider how you can choose reactions not based on your negative emotions, but rather based on the outcomes you prefer in your life.
後設認知提供了更好、更健康、更持久的解決方案。考慮一下你的環境激發了你的情緒。觀察它們，就像它們發生在別人身上一樣，並接受它們。把它們寫下來，以確保他們完全有意識。然後考慮如何不根據負面情緒，而是根據您在生活中喜歡的結果來選擇反應。

For example, let’s imagine you have a job that is really bringing you down. Let’s say you are bored and stressed, and your boss isn’t competent. You come home every day tired and frustrated, and you wind up drinking too much and watching a lot of dumb television to distract your mind. Tomorrow, try a new tactic. During the day, take a few minutes every hour or so, and ask, “How am I feeling?” Jot it down. Then after work, journal your experiences and feelings over the course of the day. Also write down how you responded to these feelings, and which responses were more and less constructive.
例如，假設您的工作確實讓您感到情緒低落。假設你感到無聊和壓力，而你的老闆沒有能力。你每天回到家又累又沮喪，最後你會喝太多酒並看很多愚蠢的電視來分散你的注意力。明天，試試新的策略。白天，每小時左右花幾分鐘問自己：“我感覺怎麼樣？”記下來。然後下班後，記錄下這一天的經歷和感受。也要寫下你對這些感受的反應，以及哪些反應更具建設性和不那麼有建設性。

Do this for two weeks, and you will find you are feeling more in control and acting in more productive ways. You will also be able to start seeing how you can manage your outside environment better, perhaps making a timeline to update your résumé and asking a few people for job market advice, and then you might actually start looking for something new.
這樣做兩週，你會發現你感覺更有控制力，並且以更有成效的方式行事。您還將能夠開始了解如何更好地管理外部環境，也許制定更新履歷的時間表並向一些人詢問就業市場建議，然後您可能實際上開始尋找新的東西。

Boethius, it turns out, was a master of this, and in circumstances much worse than yours or mine. He wrote the words quoted previously from a prison cell while awaiting execution in 524, after being accused of conspiracy against the Ostrogothic King Theodoric—a crime of which he was likely not guilty, but for which he was ultimately executed. Boethius could not change his unfair circumstances. However, he could and did change his attitude toward them. “So true is it that nothing is wretched, but thinking makes it so,” he wrote, “and conversely every lot is happy if borne with equanimity.”
事實證明，波伊提烏斯是這方面的大師，而且他的處境比你我的處境糟糕得多。 524 年，他在等待處決時在牢房裡寫下了先前引用的文字，當時他被指控密謀反對東哥特國王狄奧多里克——這一罪行他可能無罪，但最終被處決。波伊提烏斯無法改變他不公平的處境。然而，他可以而且確實改變了對他們的態度。 “沒有什麼是不幸的，這是千真萬確的，但思想使它變得如此，”他寫道，“相反，如果泰然處之，一切都會幸福。”

Metacognition requires practice, especially if you haven’t ever thought about it before. There are four practical ways to get started.
後設認知需要練習，尤其是如果您以前從未考慮過它的話。有四種實用的入門方法。

When you experience intense emotion, simply observe your feelings. The Buddha taught his followers that to manage emotions, one must observe them as if they were happening to someone else. In this way, one can understand them consciously and let them pass away naturally instead of allowing them to turn into something destructive. Try this yourself when, for example, you have a strong disagreement with your partner or a friend and are feeling angry. Sit quietly and think about the feelings you are experiencing. Observe the anger as if it were happening to someone else. Then say to yourself, “I am not this anger. It will not manage me or make my decisions for me.” This will leave you calmer and more empowered.
當您經歷強烈的情緒時，只需觀察您的感受。佛陀教導他的追隨者，要控制情緒，必須觀察它們，就好像這些情緒發生在別人身上一樣。這樣，我們就能有意識地理解它們，讓它們自然消失，而不是讓它們變成破壞性的東西。例如，當您與伴侶或朋友有強烈分歧並且感到憤怒時，您可以嘗試這樣做。安靜地坐著，思考你正在經歷的感受。觀察憤怒，就好像它發生在別人身上一樣。然後對自己說：「我不是這種憤怒。它不會管理我或為我做決定。這會讓你更加平靜，更有力量。

Journal your emotions. You may have noticed that when you are upset, if you write about what you are feeling, you immediately feel better. Journaling is in fact one of the best ways to achieve metacognition, because it forces you to translate inchoate feelings into specific thoughts. This in turn creates emotional knowledge and regulation, which provide a sense of control. Recent research shows this clearly. In one study, college students who were assigned structured self-reflective journaling were better able to understand and regulate their feelings about school.
記錄你的情緒。您可能已經注意到，當您感到不安時，如果您寫下自己的感受，您會立即感覺好一些。事實上，寫日記是實現後設認知的最佳方法之一，因為它迫使你將不成熟的感受轉化為具體的想法。這反過來又創造了情緒知識和調節，從而提供了控制感。最近的研究清楚地表明了這一點。在一項研究中，被指派結構化自我反思日記的大學生能夠更好地理解和調節他們對學校的感受。

For example, if you are feeling frantic about all the things you need to do, without metacognition there is no way to organize the problem in your mind. On a busy day, start with your coffee and calmly make a list of the things you need to do, in order of importance. You will feel much more in control, and you will also have the presence of mind to decide which things get done today, which you will leave until tomorrow, and which you might even decide to do…never.
例如，如果你對所有需要做的事情感到瘋狂，如果沒有元認知，就無法在你的頭腦中組織問題。在忙碌的一天，從喝咖啡開始，平靜地按照重要性順序列出您需要做的事情。你會感覺自己更有掌控力，而且你也會沉著冷靜地決定哪些事情今天要做，哪些事情留到明天做，哪些事情你甚至可能決定…永遠不要做。

As another example, say you are in a relationship that is souring against your wishes. Don’t use a confrontational reaction right off the bat. Instead, take a few days to record what is happening as accurately as possible, as well as your reaction to it. Write down different ways you might react constructively, based on different possible responses from the other person. You will find that you are calmer and better able to cope with the situation, even if it feels unfixable.
再舉個例子，假設你的關係正在惡化，這違背了你的意願。不要立即做出對抗反應。相反，花幾天時間盡可能準確地記錄正在發生的事情以及您對此的反應。根據對方可能的不同反應，寫下您可能做出建設性反應的不同方式。你會發現你更加平靜，並且能夠更好地應對這種情況，即使它感覺無法解決。

Keep a database of positive memories, not just negative ones. Mood and memory exist in a feedback loop: bad memories lead to bad feelings, which lead you to reconstruct bad memories. However, if you purposely conjure up happier memories, you can interrupt this doom loop. Researchers have shown that asking people to think of happy things from their past can improve their mood. You can reap similar benefits in a systematic way by keeping a journal of happy memories and reviewing it when you feel down or out of control.
建立一個包含正面記憶的資料庫，而不僅僅是負面記憶。情緒和記憶存在一個回饋循環：不好的記憶會導致不好的感覺，而不好的感覺又會導致你重建不好的記憶。然而，如果你故意喚起更快樂的回憶，你就可以中斷這個厄運循環。研究人員表明，讓人們回憶過去快樂的事物可以改善他們的情緒。透過記下快樂的回憶並在感到沮喪或失控時回顧它，您可以系統地獲得類似的好處。

Look for meaning and learning in the hard parts of life. Every life contains authentic bad memories. We’re not suggesting that you try to reconstruct a past that expunges them or makes them rosy. In some cases, that would be impossible—they are just too painful. Furthermore, some terrible memories can lead us to learning and progress or keep us from repeating mistakes.
在生活的困難部分尋找意義和學習。每個生命都包含著真實的不好的回憶。我們並不是建議你試著重建一個抹去它們或讓它們變得美好的過去。在某些情況下，這是不可能的——它們太痛苦了。此外，一些可怕的記憶可以引導我們學習和進步，或阻止我們重蹈覆轍。

Try methodically to see how such painful memories help you learn and grow. Scholars have shown that when people reflect on difficult experiences with the explicit goal of finding meaning and improving themselves, they tend to give better advice, make better decisions, and solve problems more effectively.
有條不紊地嘗試看看這些痛苦的記憶如何幫助你學習和成長。學者們表明，當人們懷著尋找意義和提高自我的明確目標來反思困難的經驗時，他們往往會給出更好的建議，做出更好的決策，並更有效地解決問題。

In your journal, reserve a section for painful experiences, writing them down right afterward. Leave two lines below each entry. After one month, return to the journal and write in the first blank line what you learned from that bad experience in the intervening period. After six months, fill in the second line with the positives that ultimately came from it. You will be amazed at how this exercise changes your perspective on your past.
在你的日記中，為痛苦的經歷保留一個部分，然後立即寫下來。每個條目下方留兩行。一個月後，回到日記本，在第一個空白行寫下您從中間時期的糟糕經歷中學到的東西。六個月後，在第二行填寫最終帶來的正面結果。你會驚訝地發現這個練習如何改變你對過去的看法。

For example, say you are passed over for a promotion at work. You are understandably disappointed and hurt, and you want to either vent about it to friends or put it out of your mind. Before you do either of those things, write down “Passed over for promotion” in your journal, with the date. In a month, go back to it, and record something constructive that you learned, such as “I mostly got over the disappointment after only about five days.” Then, after six months, go back and write down something beneficial, such as “I started looking for a new job, and found one I like better.”
例如，假設您在工作中未能獲得晉升。你感到失望和受傷是可以理解的，你要么想向朋友發洩，要么把它忘記。在你做任何一件事情之前，在你的日記中寫下“跳過晉升”，並註明日期。一個月後，再回顧一下，記錄下你學到的一些建設性的東西，例如“大約五天后我基本上就克服了失望。”然後，六個月後，回去寫下一些有益的事情，例如“我開始尋找新工作，並找到了一個我更喜歡的工作。”

When it comes to our emotions, most of us have more power than we think. We don’t have to be managed by our feelings. We don’t have to hope that tomorrow will be a happy day so we can enjoy our lives, or dread our negative feelings because they will make our happiness impossible. How our emotions affect us, and our reaction to them, can be our decision.
當談到我們的情緒時，我們大多數人比我們想像的更有力量。我們不必受我們的感覺支配。我們不必希望明天會是快樂的一天，這樣我們就可以享受我們的生活，也不必害怕我們的負面情緒，因為它們會讓我們的幸福變得不可能。我們的情緒如何影響我們以及我們對它們的反應可以由我們決定。

Arthur C. Brooks is the William Henry Bloomberg Professor of the Practice of Public Leadership at Harvard Kennedy School and professor of management practice at Harvard Business School. Oprah Winfrey is a global media leader and philanthropist. This essay is adapted from their new book, “Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier,” which will be published on Sept. 12 by Portfolio.
布魯克斯 (Arthur C. Brooks) 是哈佛甘迺迪學院公共領導實踐威廉‧亨利‧布隆伯格教授與哈佛商學院管理實務教授。歐普拉溫芙瑞是全球媒體領袖和慈善家。本文改編自他們的新書《建構你想要的生活：獲得幸福的藝術與科學》，將於 9 月 12 日由 Portfolio 出版。