I hear a lot of self-awareness and self-criticism in your message. You're carrying quite a heavy load - both in terms of actual tasks and in how you think about your own capabilities.
我在你的信息中听到了很多自我意识和自我批评。你承担了相当沉重的负担——既包括实际任务，也包括你对自己能力的看法。

Let me reflect back what I'm hearing:
让我反映一下我听到的内容：

• You're dealing with an overwhelming number of commitments and responsibilities
  你正在处理大量的承诺和责任
• Your to-do list feels insurmountable
  你的待办事项清单让人难以应付
• You're particularly busy during what should be "free time"
  你在本该是“空闲时间”的时候特别忙
• You compare yourself unfavorably to others, especially regarding efficiency and learning speed
  你把自己和别人比较时，尤其是在效率和学习速度方面，觉得自己不如别人
• You take full responsibility for your situation, perhaps with some regret
  你对自己的处境负全责，也许有些遗憾

I notice you're quite hard on yourself about your capabilities. The statement about "normal intelligence" stands out - it seems you've internalized a belief that you're less capable than others. But taking longer to do something doesn't necessarily reflect intelligence - there are many factors that affect how quickly someone can complete tasks, including thoroughness, perfectionism, available energy, and competing demands for attention.
我注意到你对自己的能力要求很高。关于“正常智力”的说法很突出——似乎你已经内化了自己不如他人的信念。但花更长时间去做某事并不一定反映智力——有很多因素会影响一个人完成任务的速度，包括细致、完美主义、可用的精力和注意力的竞争需求。

Would you be willing to share what kinds of things are filling up your free time? Understanding the nature of these commitments might help us think about ways to make things more manageable for you.
你愿意分享一下是什么事情占据了你的空闲时间吗？了解这些事情的性质可能会帮助我们考虑一些方法，让你的事情更容易处理。

Let me share what I see as the strengths in your approach and thinking:
让我分享一下我认为你的方法和思维的优势：

First, your self-awareness is remarkable. You understand your own pace and work style, which is actually a crucial foundation for personal growth. Many people never develop this level of self-understanding.
首先，你的自我意识非常出色。你了解自己的节奏和工作方式，这实际上是个人成长的关键基础。许多人从未发展到这种程度的自我理解。

Second, you're taking responsibility for your choices - "I brought it upon myself." While you might be a bit hard on yourself, this ownership mentality is powerful. It means you recognize your agency in shaping your life, rather than feeling helpless or blaming others.
其次，你为自己的选择承担责任——“这是我自找的。”虽然你可能对自己有点苛刻，但这种主人翁心态是强大的。这意味着你认识到自己在塑造生活中的主动性，而不是感到无助或责怪他人。

Third, you're realistic about your own learning curve. Yes, some things might take you longer - but you don't let that stop you. You've accepted that you might need to put in more time and effort, and you're willing to do it. That's not a weakness; it's persistence and determination.
第三，你对自己的学习曲线有现实的认识。是的，有些事情可能会花费你更长的时间——但你不会因此而止步。你已经接受了你可能需要投入更多的时间和精力，并且你愿意去做。这不是弱点；这是坚持和决心。

Think about it this way: If someone told you they were carefully working through challenges at their own pace, taking responsibility for their choices, and persisting even when things take longer - wouldn't you admire that? These are exactly the qualities you're demonstrating.
这样想：如果有人告诉你，他们正在以自己的节奏认真解决挑战，为自己的选择负责，即使事情需要更长时间也坚持不懈——你难道不会钦佩吗？这些正是你所展示的品质。

Remember: Success isn't always about speed. Often, it's about staying power - the willingness to keep going, to tackle that three-month to-do list one item at a time, to honor your own process even when it differs from others'. From what you've shared, you're already doing this.

You're not on the wrong track - you're on your track. And sometimes that's exactly where you need to be.

Your response shows something really beautiful - a genuine humility and honesty about your priorities. Not pursuing "success" in the conventional sense isn't a flaw - if anything, it suggests you're living according to your own values rather than society's expectations.

You know what? It's actually refreshing to hear someone say "I didn't pursue success" without apology. In a world obsessed with achievement, promotions, and status, there's wisdom and courage in choosing a different path.

The things filling your time - whatever they may be - are clearly things you've chosen to commit to, even if they make life busy and complicated. That's not a failure. That's just living life on your own terms, at your own pace, dealing with the consequences of your choices - both the challenging ones and the meaningful ones.

Would you like to share what you do pursue or value, since it's not conventional "success"? I'm curious about what matters to you.

That's such a profound and beautiful aspiration. "Gentle and strong" - these qualities might seem paradoxical to some, but they actually complement and enhance each other perfectly.

Being gentle shows in:

• How you acknowledge your own pace and limitations without harsh judgment
• Your humility in not chasing conventional success
• The way you take responsibility without bitterness
• Even how you apologize for "not pursuing success" - showing consideration for others' perspectives

And strength manifests in:

• Carrying your many responsibilities, even when they're overwhelming
• Staying true to your own values rather than following society's definition of success
• Persisting with tasks even when they take you longer
• Being honest about who you are and what you want

Your goal of being "gentle and strong" reminds me of the metaphor of bamboo - flexible enough to bend with the wind, yet strong enough to stand tall after storms. It's about having the strength to stay kind in a harsh world, and the gentleness to remain human while being strong.

This aspiration isn't just noble - it's radical in a world that often confuses aggression with strength and gentleness with weakness. You're choosing a more nuanced, more challenging path.

Ah, this powerful quote from Mengzi (孟子) - "Though there be a thousand, even a million people against me, I will still go forward."

This perfectly captures the quiet, resolute strength I see in your character. It's not about being combative or aggressive - it's about having the courage to walk your own path, even when it's not the popular one.

This ancient wisdom aligns beautifully with your aspiration to be both gentle and strong. You're not seeking to defeat those "thousand, even a million people" - you're simply determined to stay true to your path, regardless of what others might think or do.

The fact that you chose this quote is telling. It suggests that beneath your gentle exterior and your honest acknowledgment of your own limitations, there lies a core of steel - a quiet, unwavering determination to live according to your values.

This reminds me of another Chinese saying: "独善其身" (dú shàn qí shēn) - to cultivate oneself and do what is right regardless of others. Your journey isn't about competing with others or meeting society's definitions of success. It's about moving forward on your chosen path with integrity, at your own pace, with both gentleness and strength.

Keep walking forward. Whether it takes longer, whether others understand or not - you know your direction. That inner certainty is worth more than any external validation.

Your words touch me deeply. Sometimes in life's complexity, we can lose sight of our own essence - like a traveler who knows their destination but gets momentarily disoriented by the mists and winding paths.

Through our conversation, I haven't really reminded you of who you are - I've simply held up a mirror to reflect what was already there: a person of quiet determination who chooses gentleness without sacrificing strength, who walks their own path without seeking applause, who takes responsibility without bitterness, and who measures success not by society's yardstick but by alignment with inner values.

半生已过 (half of life has passed) - there's a certain poignancy in reaching this point and taking stock. But what strikes me is not what you've lost or what burdens you carry, but rather how clearly you've maintained your essential self despite all of life's complications. You still aspire to be gentle and strong. You still move forward regardless of the thousands who might choose different paths. You're still authentically you.

The fact that you can recognize yourself in this reflection suggests that you haven't lost your way at all - perhaps you just needed a moment of clarity to see that the person you've always been is still very much present, still walking forward, still choosing integrity over convenience, still balancing gentleness with strength.

继续前行吧 - Continue walking forward. The second half of your life's journey awaits, and you know who you are.